JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 27th January, 2021 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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An Affair
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An old man walked into the confessional at the cathedral and said to
the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11
grandchildren. Last night I had an affair, and I made love to two 18
year old girls. Both of them. Twice."
The priest replied, "Well, my son, when was the last time you were in
confession?"
"Never Father, I'm Jewish."
The priest paused, and then asked, "So then, why are you telling me?"
"Hey, I'm telling everybody."
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Wednesday, January 27, 2021
Monday, January 25, 2021
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 25th January, 2021
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 25th January, 2021 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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The Good, The Bad and The Ugly
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1. Good: Your wife is pregnant.
Bad: It's triplets.
Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.
2. Good: Your wife's not talking to you.
Bad: She wants a divorce.
Ugly: She's a lawyer.
3. Good: Your son is finally maturing.
Bad: He's involved with the Woman next door.
Ugly: So are you.
4. Good: Your son studies a lot in his room..
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly: You're in them.
5. Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills.
Ugly: Your 13 year old daughter borrowed them.
6. Good: Your husband understands fashion.
Bad: He's a cross-dresser.
Ugly: He looks better than you.
7. Good: You give the "birds and bees" talk to your daughter.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Ugly: With corrections.
8. Good: The postman's early.
Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying a shotgun.
Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas.
9. Good: Your son is dating someone new.
Bad: It's another man.
Ugly: He's your best friend.
10. Good: Your daughter got a new job
Bad: As a hooker.
Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients
Way ugly: She makes more money than you do.
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The Good, The Bad and The Ugly
-------------------------
1. Good: Your wife is pregnant.
Bad: It's triplets.
Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.
2. Good: Your wife's not talking to you.
Bad: She wants a divorce.
Ugly: She's a lawyer.
3. Good: Your son is finally maturing.
Bad: He's involved with the Woman next door.
Ugly: So are you.
4. Good: Your son studies a lot in his room..
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly: You're in them.
5. Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills.
Ugly: Your 13 year old daughter borrowed them.
6. Good: Your husband understands fashion.
Bad: He's a cross-dresser.
Ugly: He looks better than you.
7. Good: You give the "birds and bees" talk to your daughter.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Ugly: With corrections.
8. Good: The postman's early.
Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying a shotgun.
Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas.
9. Good: Your son is dating someone new.
Bad: It's another man.
Ugly: He's your best friend.
10. Good: Your daughter got a new job
Bad: As a hooker.
Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients
Way ugly: She makes more money than you do.
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Sunday, January 24, 2021
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 24th January, 2021
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 24th January, 2021 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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Sunbathing
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Joan, who was a rather well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all of
her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing
suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see
her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd
hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying
on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.
"Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath
from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind your sunbathing on
the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit
as you did yesterday."
"What difference does it make?" Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a
towel."
"Not exactly," said the embarrassed man. "You're lying on the
dining room skylight."
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Sunbathing
-------------------------
Joan, who was a rather well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all of
her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing
suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see
her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd
hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying
on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.
"Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath
from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind your sunbathing on
the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit
as you did yesterday."
"What difference does it make?" Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a
towel."
"Not exactly," said the embarrassed man. "You're lying on the
dining room skylight."
-------------------------
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Saturday, January 23, 2021
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 23rd January, 2021
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 23rd January, 2021 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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Insuring a Leg
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A man and his wife, moved back home to North Carolina, from Texas. The wife had a wooden leg and to insure it
in Texas Was $2000.00 a year!
When they arrived in North Carolina, they went to an insurance Agency, to see how much it would cost to insure
the leg.
The agent looked it up on the computer and said to the couple, '$39.00.'
The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here In North Carolina to insure, because it cost him
$2000.00 in Texas!
The agent turned his computer screen to the couple and said, 'Well, here it is on the screen, it says: *Any
wooden structure, with a sprinkler system over it, is $39.00.
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-------------------------
Insuring a Leg
-------------------------
A man and his wife, moved back home to North Carolina, from Texas. The wife had a wooden leg and to insure it
in Texas Was $2000.00 a year!
When they arrived in North Carolina, they went to an insurance Agency, to see how much it would cost to insure
the leg.
The agent looked it up on the computer and said to the couple, '$39.00.'
The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here In North Carolina to insure, because it cost him
$2000.00 in Texas!
The agent turned his computer screen to the couple and said, 'Well, here it is on the screen, it says: *Any
wooden structure, with a sprinkler system over it, is $39.00.
-------------------------
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Friday, January 22, 2021
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 22nd January, 2021
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 22nd January, 2021 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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Forgive Your Enemies
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The preacher's Sunday sermon was "Forgive Your Enemies."
He asked how many of the congregation have forgiven their enemies? About half held up their hands. He then repeated his question. Now about 80 % held up their hands.
He then repeated his question once more. All responded, except one elderly lady.
"Mrs. Johnson, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any."
"Mrs. Johnson that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-three," she replied.
"Mrs. Johnson, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person cannot have an enemy in the world?"
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle and said, "I outlived every one of those bitches!"
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-------------------------
Forgive Your Enemies
-------------------------
The preacher's Sunday sermon was "Forgive Your Enemies."
He asked how many of the congregation have forgiven their enemies? About half held up their hands. He then repeated his question. Now about 80 % held up their hands.
He then repeated his question once more. All responded, except one elderly lady.
"Mrs. Johnson, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any."
"Mrs. Johnson that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-three," she replied.
"Mrs. Johnson, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person cannot have an enemy in the world?"
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle and said, "I outlived every one of those bitches!"
-------------------------
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Thursday, January 21, 2021
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 21st January, 2021
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 21st January, 2021 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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Traffic Court
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A woman was found guilty in traffic court and when asked for her occupation she said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court."
He smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not run a red light' five hundred times."
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-------------------------
Traffic Court
-------------------------
A woman was found guilty in traffic court and when asked for her occupation she said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court."
He smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not run a red light' five hundred times."
-------------------------
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Wednesday, January 20, 2021
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 20th January, 2021
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 20th January, 2021 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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Social Security
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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office
to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for
my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized
I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would
have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me'
and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You
might have gotten disability, too'
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Social Security
-------------------------
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office
to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for
my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized
I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would
have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me'
and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You
might have gotten disability, too'
-------------------------
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