Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 21st October, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 21st October, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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So True...
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A woman was telling her friend, "It was I who made my husband a millionaire."

"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.

The woman replied, "A billionaire."


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Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 14th October, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 14th October, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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In the Army
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The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday.
Better go tell him and send him in to see me." So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up
all the troops.

"Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to
sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance.
Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander."

Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform
Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?"

"Yes, sir," answered the Sarge.

A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me.
This time be more tactful." So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. "Ok, men, fall in and listen up."

"Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward." "Not so fast, McGrath!"

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Gem Depot
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to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
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-------------------------

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Saturday, October 10, 2009

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 10th October, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 10th October, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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The Generous Lawyer
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A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

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Gem Depot
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to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

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Friday, October 9, 2009

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 9th October, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 9th October, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Bar Jar
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A fellow walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills.. He guesses there must be more than ten thousand dollars in it.. He approaches the bartender and asks, 'What's with the money in the jar?'

'Well......you pay $10 and if you pass three tests, you get all the money and the keys to a brand new Lexus.'

The man certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks, 'What are the three tests?'

'You must pay first. Those are the rules,' says the bartender.

So, after thinking it over awhile, the man gives the bartender the $10 and the bartender drops it into the jar.

'Okay,' the bartender says, 'Here's what you need to do:

First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila in a minute or less, and you can't make a face while doing it.

Second - There's a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth. You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands.

Third - There's a 90-year old lady upstairs who has never had sex. You have to take care of that problem!'

The man is stunned.

'I know I paid my $10, but I'm not an idiot!' he says. 'I won't do it! You'd have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila, and then do all those other things. '

'Your call,' says the bartender, 'but your money stays where it is.'

As time goes on, and the man has a few more drinks, he finally says, 'Where's the damn tequila?'

He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can. Tears stream down both cheeks, but he doesn't make a face, and he does it in fifty-eight seconds!

Next, he staggers out the back door, where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole. Soon the people inside the bar hear growling , biting, and screaming sounds..... then nothing but silence!

Just when they think that the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped open and there are scratches and he's bleeding all over his body.

He says, 'Now, where's that old woman with the bad tooth?'

The moral of the story:

Listen carefully to directions, and don't trust your judgment when alcohol is involved!


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Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

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Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 7th October, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 7th October, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Light Bulb
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How many online forum members does it take to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.

53 to flame the spell checkers.

41 to correct spelling/grammar flames.

6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb"...another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp".

15 know-it-alls who claim *they* were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct.

156 to email the participant's ISPs complaining that they are in violation of their "acceptable use policy".

109 to post that this group is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb group

203 to demand that cross posting to hardware forum, off-topic forum, and lightbulb group about changing light bulbs be stopped.

111 to defend the posting to this group saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts *are* relevant to this group.

306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty.

27 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs.

14 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's.

3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group.

33 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too".

12 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.

19 to quote the "Me too's" to say "Me three".

4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.

44 to ask what is a "FAQ".

4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

143 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs".

1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again....

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Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20091007

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Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 6th October, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 6th October, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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The Elevator
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An Amish boy and his father were in a mall.

They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, "What is this, Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded,
"Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat, ugly old lady moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button.
The walls opened, and the lady walked between them into a small room.
The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, "Go get your mother."


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Shop at Amazon!
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Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20091006

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Monday, October 5, 2009

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 5th October, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 5th October, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Great News
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The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we're going to be three in this house instead of two."

Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes.

He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, "I'm so glad that you feel this way. My mother moves in with us tomorrow."

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music, DVDs, videos, electronics, computers, software, apparel & accessories,
shoes, jewelry, housewares, furniture, sporting goods, beauty & personal care,
just about anything else.
Shop at Amazon!
http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=jokeswareh-20

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20091005

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