Sunday, November 8, 2009

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 8th November, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 8th November, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Women's Revenge
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'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.

'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally..'


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Friday, November 6, 2009

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 6th November, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 6th November, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Italian Nuns
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Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven.

At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be.

The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;"

And *poof* she's gone.

The second says, "I want to be Madonna and *poof* she's gone.

The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini.."

St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he asked.

"Sara Pipalini," replies the nun.

St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."

The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter.

St. Peter reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says.

"No sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."


If you laugh, you're going straight to hell!

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-------------------------

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Thursday, November 5, 2009

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 5th November, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 5th November, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Job Interview
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An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them one question and their answer would determine who would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked "What is the fastest thing you know of?" pointing to the man on his right.

The first man replied "A thought. It pops into your head. There's no forewarning that it's on the way, it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."

"That's very good!" replied the interviewer. And now you sir?

He asked the second man. "Hmm.... let me see, A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know ever happened. A blink is the fastest thing I know of."

"Excellent!" said the interviewer "The blink of an eye. That's a very popular cliché for speed." as he turned to the third man who was contemplating his reply.

"Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch, when you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light at the barn comes on in an instant." Turning on a light is the fastest thing I can think of."

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light." he said. Turning to the fourth man, he posed the question.

"After hearing the three previous answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is diarrhea."

"WHAT!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.

"Oh I can explain." said the fourth man. "You see the other day wasn't feeling so good and I ran for the bathroom. But, before I could think, blink, or turn on the light, I'd crapped in my pants!"

He got the job.


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http://www.gemdepot.com

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Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 4th November, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 4th November, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Ten Commandments Sermon
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An elderly man was quite unhappy because he had lost his favorite hat. Rather than purchasing a new one, he decided he would go to church and steal one out of the vestibule. When he got there, an usher intercepted him at the door and took him to a pew where he had to sit and listen to the entire sermon on the Ten Commandments.

After church, the man met the preacher in the vestibule doorway, shook his hand vigorously and said, "I want to thank you for saving my soul today, preacher. I came to church to steal a hat, but after hearing your sermon on the Ten Commandments, I decided against it."

"You mean the Commandment, Thou shall not steal, changed your mind?" the preacher asked.

"No, the one about adultery did," the old man said. "As soon as you said that, I remembered where I left my old hat."

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to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

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Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 3rd November, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 3rd November, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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First Football Game
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A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

'Oh, I really liked it,' she replied, 'especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.'

Dumbfounded, her date asked, 'What do you mean?'

'Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like....Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!!!!!!!!


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Monday, November 2, 2009

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 2nd November, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 2nd November, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Good Investment
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A woman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer tells her that the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the woman hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce that's parked on the street in front of the bank.

Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls Royce into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the woman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer approaches her and says:

"We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we're a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked out your accounts and found that you were a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

"Well, where else in Manhattan can I park my car for two weeks for fifteen bucks?"

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http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

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Sunday, November 1, 2009

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 1st November, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 1st November, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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A Bar in Tokyo
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The exhausted businessman stopped in a Tokyo bar for a drink. "Speak English?"
he asked the bartender.

"Yes, sir."

"Great. I'd like a Stoli with a twist."

The bartender looked at him for a moment, then leaned over the bar.

"OK, once upon a time there were four little pigs..."

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Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

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