Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 15th February, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 15th February, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Scientific Fact
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Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in
waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the
frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses
and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed
ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.

Preosllnay I tinhk its cmolpete nenosnese......

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 14th February, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 14th February, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Letter of Recommendation
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When Peters learned that he was being fired, he went to see the head of
human resources. "Since I've been with the firm for so long," he said, "I
think I deserve at least a letter of recommendation."

The human resources director agreed and said he'd have the letter that
next day. The following morning, Peters found the letter on his desk. It
read, "Jonathan Peters worked for our company for eleven years. When he
left us, we were very satisfied."

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 13th February, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 13th February, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Terrible Accident
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A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was
mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that
modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that
his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since it was considered
cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for "small,
$6,500 for "medium, $14,000 for "large."

The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor
urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision.
The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options.
The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected.

"Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.

The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen."

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 11th February, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 11th February, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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State Trooper
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Two men are driving through Pennsylvania when they
get pulled over by a State Trooper. The cop walks up
and taps on the window with his nightstick. The driver
rolls down the window and WHACK, the cop smacks
him in the head with the stick.

The driver asks, "What the hell was that for?"

The cop answers, "You're in Pennsylvania son. When we
pull you over, you better have your license ready when we
get to your car."

The driver says, "I'm sorry, Officer, I'm not from around here."

The cop runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean.
He gives the guy his license back, walks around to the passenger
side, and taps on the window. The passenger rolls down the window
and WHACK, the cop smacks him on the head with the nightstick.

The passenger asks, "What'd you do that for?"

The cop says, "Just making your wish come true."

The passenger asks, "Making what wish come true?"

The cop says, "I know that two miles down the road you're
gonna say to your buddy, "I wish that Son-of-a-B*tch would've tried
that sh*t with me!"

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 10th February, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 10th February, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Words of Wisdom
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People who live in glass houses should make love in the basement.

Never read the fine print.
There ain't no way you're going to like it.

If you let a smile be your umbrella,
then most likely your butt will get soaking wet.

The only two things we do with greater frequency
in middle age are urinate and attend funerals.

The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody
has the same size bucket.

To err is human, to forgive - highly unlikely.

Do you realize that in about 40 years,
we'll have thousands of old ladies
running around with tattoos?

Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable
to cry in a Porsche than in a Hyundai.

Drinking makes some husbands see double and feel single.

Living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.

After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in every joint,
you are probably dead.

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 9th February, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 9th February, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Cat Quotes
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"Managing senior programmers is like herding cats." -
-Dave Platt

"Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are
subtle and will piss on your computer." --Bruce
Graham

"There is no snooze button on a cat who wants
breakfast." --Unknown

"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as
gods. Cats have never forgotten this." --Anonymous

"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats
to pull a sled through the snow." --Jeff Valdez

"In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats." --
English proverb

"As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat." --
Ellen Perry Berkeley

"One cat just leads to another." --Ernest Hemmingway

"Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message
and get back to you later." --Mary Bly

"Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are
subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of
one who suffered from insomnia." --Joseph Wood Krutch

"People that hate cats, will come back as mice in
their next life." --Faith Resnick

"There are many intelligent species in the universe.
They are all owned by cats." --Anonymous

"I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The
wisdom of cats is infinitely superior." --Hippolyte
Taine

"No heaven will not ever Heaven be; Unless my cats
are there to welcome me." --Unknown

"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of
life: music and cats." --Albert Schweitzer

"The cat has too much spirit to have no heart." --
Ernest Menaul

"Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are
God."

"Time spent with cats is never wasted." --Colette

"Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and
cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities
as well." --Missy Dizick

"You will always be lucky if you know how to make
friends with strange cats." --Colonial American
proverb

"Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does
any harm to ask for what you want." --Joseph Wood
Krutch

"I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic"

"My husband said it was either him or the cat ... I
miss him sometimes."

"Dogs have owners....cats have a staff".

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 8th February, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 8th February, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Quote of the Day
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Woman's Quote of the Day:

"Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job
to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into
something with which you'd like to have dinner with."

Men's Counter-Quote of the Day:

"Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and
intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go
all sour and vinegary and give you a headache."

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