Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 24th February, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 24th February, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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First Date
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A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met
the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?

His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card
invite her to your apartment for a home-cooked meal?"

He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later, the woman came to
dinner. His mother called the next day to see how things had gone.

"I was totally humiliated," he moaned. "She insisted on washing the
dishes."

"What's wrong with that?" asked his mother.

"We hadn't started eating yet."

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 23rd February, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 23rd February, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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710 Cap
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This an interactive joke, so have a piece of paper and pen handy.

A blonde woman walks into an auto parts store and the parts man asks how she
is doing and what can he do for her. She replies, "Fine, I need a seven-ten
cap for my car." The man asks," A seven-ten cap? Where does it go, I've
never heard of such a thing?"

The blonde angrily replies, "It goes on top of the engine and don't think
just because I'm blonde I don't know what I'm talking about!!" Perplexed,
the parts man asks if she would draw him a picture and maybe help him out in
figuring out what it is she needs.

Reader: Draw the number 710 in the middle of the paper and draw a circle
around the whole number. Now turn the paper upside down.

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 22nd February, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 22nd February, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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The Nun
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The Nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one Sunday morning
and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven... which part of
your body goes first?"

Suzie raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands." "Why do you think it's your hands, Suzie?" Suzie replied, "Because
when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just
takes your hands first!"

"What a wonderful answer!" the Nun said.

Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your legs."

The Nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. "Now, Little
Johnny, why do you think it would be your legs?"

Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other
night, Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, 'O God,
I'm coming!' If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her.

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 21st February, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 21st February, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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The Bathtub Test
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During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalised.

Well, said the Director, we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.

Oh, I understand, said the visitor.

A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.

No said the Director, A normal person would pull the plug out.

Do you want a bed near the window?

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 20th February, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 20th February, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Eating Grass
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One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine
when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to
stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one of the men "Why are you
eating the grass?"

"We don't have money for food," the poor man replied.

"Oh, come along with me then," instructed the lawyer.

The man answered "But sir, I have a wife and two children!

"Bring them along" replied the lawyer. The lawyer turn to the other man and said, "Come with us."

"But sir, I have a wife and six children?" the second man answered.

"Bring them as well!" replied the lawyer as he headed for his limo. They all climbed
into the limo.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows says "Sir, you are
too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "No problem. The grass at my house is almost a foot tall."

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 18th February, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 18th February, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Mourning at a Grave Site
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A man placed some flowers on the grave of
his dearly departed mother and started back
toward his car when his attention was
diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.

The man seemed to be praying with profound
intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you
have to die? Why did you have to die?"

The first man approached him and said, "Sir,
I don't wish to intrude on your private
grief, but this demonstration of pain is more
than I've ever seen before. For whom do you
mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"

The mourner took a moment to collect himself,
then replied, "My wife's first husband."

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 16th February, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 16th February, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Various Quotes
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"My fellow Americans, I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes." -- Ronald Reagan, about to go on the air for a radio broadcast, unaware that the microphone was already on.

"I want to make sure everybody who has a job wants a job" -- George Bush, during his first Presidential campaign.

"This is a great day for France!" -- Richard Nixon, while attending Charles De Gaulle's funeral.

"Now, like, I'm President. It would be pretty hard for some drug guy to come into the White House and start offering it up, you know? ... I bet if they did, I hope I would say, 'Hey, get lost. We don't want any of that.'" -- George Bush, talking about drug abuse to a group of students.

"For seven and a half years I've worked alongside President Reagan. We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We've had some sex ... uh...setbacks." -- George Bush

"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy. But that could change." -- Dan Quayle

"Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is in the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that is an island that is right here." --Dan Quayle during a visit to Hawaii in 1989.

"What a waste it is to lose one's mind-or not to have a mind. How true that is." -- Dan Quayle addressing the United Negro College Fund.

"I am honored today to begin my first term as the Governor of Baltimore-that is Maryland." -- William Donald Schaefer, first inaugural address.

"The caribou love it. They rub against it and they have babies. There are more caribou in Alaska than you can shake a stick at." -- George Bush, on the Alaska pipeline

"I hope I stand for anti-bigotry, anti-Semitism, anti-racism. This is what drives me." -- George Bush

"If I listened to Michael Dukakis long enough I would be convinced that we're in an economic downturn and people are homeless and going without food and medical attention and that we've got to do something about the unemployed." -- Ronald Reagan

"Now we are trying to get unemployment to go up and I think we're going to succeed." -- Ronald Reagan

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