JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 9th July, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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Bob's Annual Review:
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1. Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2. hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
3. wasting company time talking to colleagues.Bob never
4. thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5. finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6. measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7. breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8. vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9. knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10. classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
11. dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12. promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13. executed as soon as possible.
Addendum: That idiot was standing over my shoulder while
I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only
the odd lines.
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Monday, July 9, 2012
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 8th July, 2012
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 8th July, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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Learning From Teachers
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Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good...mostly A's and a couple of B's.
However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."
Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother."
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Learning From Teachers
-------------------------
Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good...mostly A's and a couple of B's.
However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."
Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother."
-------------------------
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Saturday, July 7, 2012
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 7th July, 2012
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 7th July, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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Subject: Land title FHA
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Part of rebuilding New Orleans causes residents to often be challenged with the task of tracing home titles back potentially hundreds of years.
With a community rich with history stretching back over two centuries, houses have been passed along through generations of family, sometimes making it quite difficult to establish ownership.
Here's a great letter an attorney wrote to the FHA on behalf of a client; You've got to love this lawyer......
A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply.
(Actual letter):
"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."
Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows (actual letter):
"Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased, by the U.S., from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application.
For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France , which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain . The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Isabella. The good queen, Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus ' expedition.
Now the Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana . God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back, to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it AND the FHA. I hope you find God's original claim to be satisfactory.
Now, may we have our loan?"
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Subject: Land title FHA
-------------------------
Part of rebuilding New Orleans causes residents to often be challenged with the task of tracing home titles back potentially hundreds of years.
With a community rich with history stretching back over two centuries, houses have been passed along through generations of family, sometimes making it quite difficult to establish ownership.
Here's a great letter an attorney wrote to the FHA on behalf of a client; You've got to love this lawyer......
A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply.
(Actual letter):
"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."
Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows (actual letter):
"Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased, by the U.S., from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application.
For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France , which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain . The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Isabella. The good queen, Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus ' expedition.
Now the Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana . God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back, to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it AND the FHA. I hope you find God's original claim to be satisfactory.
Now, may we have our loan?"
-------------------------
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Thursday, July 5, 2012
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 5th July, 2012
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 5th July, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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Anniversary Gift
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Eddie was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE".
The next morning Eddie got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a small box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Funeral services for Eddie have been scheduled for Friday.
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Anniversary Gift
-------------------------
Eddie was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE".
The next morning Eddie got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a small box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Funeral services for Eddie have been scheduled for Friday.
-------------------------
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Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 4th July, 2012
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 4th July, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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Housework Challenged
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One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What
setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
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Housework Challenged
-------------------------
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What
setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
-------------------------
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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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Monday, July 2, 2012
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 2nd July, 2012
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 2nd July, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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Newlyweds
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A week after their marriage, the Redneck newlyweds paid a visit to their doctor...
"I can't figure it out doc, and I'm really worried," said the husband.
"My testicles are turning blue."
"That's pretty unusual," said the doctor. "Let me examine you."
The doctor takes a look. Sure enough, the Redneck's testicles are blue.
The doctor turns to the wife. "Are you using the diaphragm that I
prescribed?"
"Yes, I am," she replied.
"And what kind of jelly are you using with it?"
"Grape"
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Newlyweds
-------------------------
A week after their marriage, the Redneck newlyweds paid a visit to their doctor...
"I can't figure it out doc, and I'm really worried," said the husband.
"My testicles are turning blue."
"That's pretty unusual," said the doctor. "Let me examine you."
The doctor takes a look. Sure enough, the Redneck's testicles are blue.
The doctor turns to the wife. "Are you using the diaphragm that I
prescribed?"
"Yes, I am," she replied.
"And what kind of jelly are you using with it?"
"Grape"
-------------------------
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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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Sunday, July 1, 2012
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 1st July, 2012
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 1st July, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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Two Blondes and a Sod Truck...
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Two blondes were sipping their Starbucks when
a truck went past loaded up with rolls of sod.
"I'm going to do that when I win the lottery,"
announced Blonde #1.
"Do what?" asked Blonde #2.
"Send my lawn out to be mowed."
-------------------------
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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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Two Blondes and a Sod Truck...
-------------------------
Two blondes were sipping their Starbucks when
a truck went past loaded up with rolls of sod.
"I'm going to do that when I win the lottery,"
announced Blonde #1.
"Do what?" asked Blonde #2.
"Send my lawn out to be mowed."
-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------
Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20120701
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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