JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 31st October, 2017 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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Old Dog
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An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home.
He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep on the couch. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, resumed his position on the couch and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap."
The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with four children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?"
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Tuesday, October 31, 2017
Monday, October 30, 2017
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 30th October, 2017
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 30th October, 2017 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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Cabbie
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A woman and her son were taking a cab in New York City. It was raining and all the hookers were standing under the awnings.
"Mommy," said the little boy, "what are all those ladies doing?"
"They're waiting for their husbands to get off of work," she replied.
The cabbie turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers. They have sex with men for money."
The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true, mommy?" His mother, glaring at the cabbie, answers in the affirmative.
After a few minutes, the kid asks, "Mommy what happens to the babies those ladies have?"
"They mostly become cab drivers," she replied.
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Cabbie
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A woman and her son were taking a cab in New York City. It was raining and all the hookers were standing under the awnings.
"Mommy," said the little boy, "what are all those ladies doing?"
"They're waiting for their husbands to get off of work," she replied.
The cabbie turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers. They have sex with men for money."
The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true, mommy?" His mother, glaring at the cabbie, answers in the affirmative.
After a few minutes, the kid asks, "Mommy what happens to the babies those ladies have?"
"They mostly become cab drivers," she replied.
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Sunday, October 29, 2017
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 29th October, 2017
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 29th October, 2017 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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The Stall
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I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying:
'Hi, how are you?'
I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restroom, but I don't
know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, 'Doin' just
fine.'
And the other guy says: 'So what are you up to?'
What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too
bizarre so I say: 'Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling.'
At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear
another question. 'Can I come over?'
Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be
polite and end the conversation. I tell him, 'No........I'm a little busy
right now!!!'
Then I hear the guy say nervously...
'Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall
who keeps answering all my questions.'
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The Stall
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I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying:
'Hi, how are you?'
I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restroom, but I don't
know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, 'Doin' just
fine.'
And the other guy says: 'So what are you up to?'
What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too
bizarre so I say: 'Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling.'
At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear
another question. 'Can I come over?'
Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be
polite and end the conversation. I tell him, 'No........I'm a little busy
right now!!!'
Then I hear the guy say nervously...
'Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall
who keeps answering all my questions.'
-------------------------
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Saturday, October 28, 2017
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 28th October, 2017
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 28th October, 2017 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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25 Years
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Married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blonde.
Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed.
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25 Years
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Married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blonde.
Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed.
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Friday, October 27, 2017
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 27th October, 2017
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 27th October, 2017 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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Kinds of Sex
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Recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex:
The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.
The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.
The 4th kind of sex is called: ! Hallway Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say "screw you".
The 5th kind of sex is called: Courtroom Sex. This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws
you in front of everyone.
The 6th kind is called Religious Sex, which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night.
OOPS. Don't forget the 7th kid of sex - Social Security Sex. You get a little each month. But not enough to live on!
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-------------------------
Kinds of Sex
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Recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex:
The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.
The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.
The 4th kind of sex is called: ! Hallway Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say "screw you".
The 5th kind of sex is called: Courtroom Sex. This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws
you in front of everyone.
The 6th kind is called Religious Sex, which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night.
OOPS. Don't forget the 7th kid of sex - Social Security Sex. You get a little each month. But not enough to live on!
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Thursday, October 26, 2017
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 26th October, 2017
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 26th October, 2017 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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Car Accident
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Jim was annoyed when his blonde wife told him that a car had backed into
her, damaging a fender, and that she hadn't gotten the license number.
"What kind of car was he driving?" he asked.
"I don't know," she said. "I never can tell one car from another."
At that, Jim decided the time had come for a learning course, and for
the next few days, whenever they were driving, he made her name each car
they passed until he was satisfied that she could recognize every make.
It worked. About a week later she bounded in with a pleased expression
on her face. "Darling," she said. "I hit a Buick!"
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Car Accident
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Jim was annoyed when his blonde wife told him that a car had backed into
her, damaging a fender, and that she hadn't gotten the license number.
"What kind of car was he driving?" he asked.
"I don't know," she said. "I never can tell one car from another."
At that, Jim decided the time had come for a learning course, and for
the next few days, whenever they were driving, he made her name each car
they passed until he was satisfied that she could recognize every make.
It worked. About a week later she bounded in with a pleased expression
on her face. "Darling," she said. "I hit a Buick!"
-------------------------
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Wednesday, October 25, 2017
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 25th October, 2017
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 25th October, 2017 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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Accused of Burglary
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A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:
"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."
"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."
The defendant smiled.
With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
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Accused of Burglary
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A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:
"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."
"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."
The defendant smiled.
With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
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