JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 22nd November, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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New Suit
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A young banker decided to get his first tailor-made suit. So he went to
the finest tailor in town and got measured for a suit. A week later he
went in for his first fitting. He put on the suit and he looked fabulous,
he felt that in this suit he can do business.
As he was preening himself in front of the mirror he reached down to put
his hands in the pockets and to his surprise he noticed that there were no
pockets. He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him, "Didn't you tell
me you were a banker?"
The young man answered, "Yes, I did."
To this the tailor said, "Whoever heard of a banker with his hands in his
own pockets?"
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Sunday, November 22, 2020
Saturday, November 21, 2020
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 21st November, 2020
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 21st November, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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Bowels
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Old Aunt Cora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her troublesome constipation. "It's terrible," she said to the doctor. "I haven't moved my bowels in more than a week."
"I see. Have you done anything about it?" asked the doctor.
"Oh, yes," Aunt Cora replied, "I sit in the bathroom for a good half of an hour in the morning and then again at night."
"No," the doctor said, "I mean do you take anything?"
"Of course I do." she answered, "I take a magazine."
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Bowels
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Old Aunt Cora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her troublesome constipation. "It's terrible," she said to the doctor. "I haven't moved my bowels in more than a week."
"I see. Have you done anything about it?" asked the doctor.
"Oh, yes," Aunt Cora replied, "I sit in the bathroom for a good half of an hour in the morning and then again at night."
"No," the doctor said, "I mean do you take anything?"
"Of course I do." she answered, "I take a magazine."
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Friday, November 20, 2020
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 20th November, 2020
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 20th November, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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The Choice
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A minister was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink.
He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by brazen whores than let liquor touch my lips."
The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too. I didn't know we had a choice."
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The Choice
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A minister was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink.
He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by brazen whores than let liquor touch my lips."
The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too. I didn't know we had a choice."
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Thursday, November 19, 2020
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 19th November, 2020
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 19th November, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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The Coroner
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In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:
Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you werent sure the man was dead, were you?
Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The mans brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess its possible he could be out there practicing law
somewhere.
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The Coroner
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In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:
Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you werent sure the man was dead, were you?
Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The mans brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess its possible he could be out there practicing law
somewhere.
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Wednesday, November 18, 2020
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 18th November, 2020
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 18th November, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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Dilbert
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Dilbert's Salary Theorem states that Engineers and scientists can never earn as much as business executives and sales people. This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:
Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.
As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time
Since: Knowledge = Power,
then Knowledge = Work/Time,
and Time = Money,
then Knowledge = Work/Money.
Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work / Knowledge.
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, money approaches infinity,
regardless of the amount of work done.
Conclusion: The less you know, the more you make. Bummer.
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-------------------------
Dilbert
-------------------------
Dilbert's Salary Theorem states that Engineers and scientists can never earn as much as business executives and sales people. This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:
Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.
As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time
Since: Knowledge = Power,
then Knowledge = Work/Time,
and Time = Money,
then Knowledge = Work/Money.
Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work / Knowledge.
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, money approaches infinity,
regardless of the amount of work done.
Conclusion: The less you know, the more you make. Bummer.
-------------------------
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Tuesday, November 17, 2020
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 17th November, 2020
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 17th November, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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New Mercedes
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A new Mercedes owner was out on an interstate for a nice evening
drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was
left of his hair and he decided to open her up.
As the needle jumped up to 80mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and
blue light behind him. "There ain't no way they can catch a
Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The
needle hit 90, 100 110 and finally 120 with the lights still behind
him.
"What in the world am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop
came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined it and
the car. "I've had a tough shift and this is my last pull-over. I
don't feel like more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for
your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go!"
"Last week my wife ran off with a cop," the man said, "and I was
afraid you were trying to give her back!"
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-------------------------
New Mercedes
-------------------------
A new Mercedes owner was out on an interstate for a nice evening
drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was
left of his hair and he decided to open her up.
As the needle jumped up to 80mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and
blue light behind him. "There ain't no way they can catch a
Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The
needle hit 90, 100 110 and finally 120 with the lights still behind
him.
"What in the world am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop
came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined it and
the car. "I've had a tough shift and this is my last pull-over. I
don't feel like more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for
your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go!"
"Last week my wife ran off with a cop," the man said, "and I was
afraid you were trying to give her back!"
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Monday, November 16, 2020
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 16th November, 2020
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 16th November, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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Top Ten Country Western Songs
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10. I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine
9. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman But I've Woke
Up With A Few
8. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me
7. I've Missed You, But My Aim's Improvin'
6. Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause I'm Scared
She'd Win
5. I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like You're Still Here
4. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Miss Him
3. She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger
2. She's Lookin' Better with Every Beer
And the Number One Country & Western song is...
1. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed
My Ass All Day
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Top Ten Country Western Songs
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10. I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine
9. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman But I've Woke
Up With A Few
8. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me
7. I've Missed You, But My Aim's Improvin'
6. Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause I'm Scared
She'd Win
5. I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like You're Still Here
4. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Miss Him
3. She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger
2. She's Lookin' Better with Every Beer
And the Number One Country & Western song is...
1. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed
My Ass All Day
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