Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 30th August, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 30th August, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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The Italian Secret For a Long Marriage
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At Saint Mary's Catholic Church they have a weekly husband's marriage
seminar. At the session last week, the Priest asked Giuseppe, who
was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes
and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the
same woman all these years.

Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, 'Wella, I've a-tried to
treat-a her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta of alla is, I
tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!'

The Priest responded, 'Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to
all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your
wife for your 50th anniversary?'

Giuseppe proudly replied, 'I'm agonna go get her.'

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 29th August, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 29th August, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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You Know It's Time to Diet When..
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* You dance and it makes the band skip.

* You are diagnosed with the flesh eating virus, and the doctor gives you 22 more years to live.

* You put mayonnaise on an aspirin.

* You go to the zoo and the elephants throw you peanuts.

* Your driver's license says, "Picture continued on other side."

* You ran away and they had to use all four sides of the milk carton for your picture.

* You learn you were born with a silver shovel in your mouth.

* You could sell shade.

* Your blood type is Ragu.

* You need an appointment to attend an 'open house'.

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Gem Depot
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to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 28th August, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 28th August, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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The Decision
-------------------------

A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot.

The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but.... Something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck, and we were unable to find it."

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9000 in insurance compensation coming to you, and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did - better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's $1000 an inch."

The man perks up at this.

"So," the doctor says, "it's for you to decide how many inches you wa nt. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision."

The man agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day.

"So," says the doctor, "have you spoken with your wife?"

"I have," says the man.

"And has she helped you in making the decision?"

"She has," says the man.

"And what is it?" asks the doctor.

"We're getting a new kitchen."

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just about anything else.
Shop at Amazon!
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Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 28th August, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 28th August, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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The Decision
-------------------------

A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot.

The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but.... Something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck, and we were unable to find it."

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9000 in insurance compensation coming to you, and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did - better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's $1000 an inch."

The man perks up at this.

"So," the doctor says, "it's for you to decide how many inches you wa nt. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision."

The man agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day.

"So," says the doctor, "have you spoken with your wife?"

"I have," says the man.

"And has she helped you in making the decision?"

"She has," says the man.

"And what is it?" asks the doctor.

"We're getting a new kitchen."

-------------------------
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music, DVDs, videos, electronics, computers, software, apparel & accessories,
shoes, jewelry, housewares, furniture, sporting goods, beauty & personal care,
just about anything else.
Shop at Amazon!
http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=jokeswareh-20

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20090828

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 27th August, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 27th August, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Proper Exercise While Pregnant
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The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.

The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"

The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.

"Yes?" replied the teacher.

"Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

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just about anything else.
Shop at Amazon!
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Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 26th August, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 26th August, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Hero and the Media
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A Harley rider is passing the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage, and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.

Whimpering from the pain, the lion jumps back, letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her back to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.

A New York Times reporter has watched the whole thing. The reporter says to the biker, "Sir, that's the most gallant and brave thing I ever saw a man do in my whole life."

The biker replies, "Why, it was nothing, really. The lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt I had to."

The reporter says, "Well, I'm from the New York Times, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page... So, what do you do for a living, and, just out of my own curiousity, what political affiliation do you have?"

The biker replies, "I'm a U.S. Marine and I'm a Republican."

The following morning, the biker buys The New York Times to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads on the front page:

U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS
LUNCH.

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Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20090826

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 25th August, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 25th August, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Little Boy on the Bus
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A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and
noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore
his collar backwards.

The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father.'

The little boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that.'

The priest looked up from his book and answered, ''I am the Father of
many.'

The boy said, ''My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he
doesn't wear his collar that way!'

The priest, getting impatient, said 'I am the Father of hundreds', and
went back to reading his book.

The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and
said, 'Maybe you should wear a condom and put your pants on backwards
instead of your collar.'

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shoes, jewelry, housewares, furniture, sporting goods, beauty & personal care,
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Shop at Amazon!
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Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

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