JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 31st July, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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Watermelons
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There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat his watermelons.
After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure.
He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next night, the kids showed up and they saw the sign which read, "Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide."
The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer's sign. When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons were missing, but the sign next to his read, "Now there are two!"
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Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Monday, July 30, 2012
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 30th July, 2012
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 30th July, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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Bikini
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While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I
passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least
ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered
buying a bathing suit, so sought my husband's advice.
"What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"
"Better get a bikini," he replied.
"You'd never get it all in one."
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Bikini
-------------------------
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I
passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least
ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered
buying a bathing suit, so sought my husband's advice.
"What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"
"Better get a bikini," he replied.
"You'd never get it all in one."
-------------------------
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Sunday, July 29, 2012
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 29th July, 2012
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 29th July, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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Wooded Ravine
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One fine day, Jim and Bob are out golfing. Jim slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball.
The brush is quite thick, but Jim searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball.
Jim calls out to his golfing partner in an agitated voice, "Hey Bob, come here, I got trouble down here."
Bob comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out, "What's the matter Jim?"
Jim shouts back, "Throw me my 7-iron! You can't get out of here with an 8-iron."
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Wooded Ravine
-------------------------
One fine day, Jim and Bob are out golfing. Jim slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball.
The brush is quite thick, but Jim searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball.
Jim calls out to his golfing partner in an agitated voice, "Hey Bob, come here, I got trouble down here."
Bob comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out, "What's the matter Jim?"
Jim shouts back, "Throw me my 7-iron! You can't get out of here with an 8-iron."
-------------------------
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Saturday, July 28, 2012
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 28th July, 2012
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 28th July, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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Smart A$$ Professor
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Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked
to tell "naughty" stories during class, a
group of female students decided that the
next time he started to tell one, they would
all rise and leave the room in protest. The
professor, however, got wind of their scheme
just before class the following day, so he
bided his time. Then, halfway through the
lecture, he began."They say there is quite a
shortage of prostitutes in France."
The girls looked at one another, arose and
started for the door.
"Young ladies," said
the professor with a broad smile, "the next
plane doesn't leave till tomorrow afternoon."
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-------------------------
Smart A$$ Professor
-------------------------
Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked
to tell "naughty" stories during class, a
group of female students decided that the
next time he started to tell one, they would
all rise and leave the room in protest. The
professor, however, got wind of their scheme
just before class the following day, so he
bided his time. Then, halfway through the
lecture, he began."They say there is quite a
shortage of prostitutes in France."
The girls looked at one another, arose and
started for the door.
"Young ladies," said
the professor with a broad smile, "the next
plane doesn't leave till tomorrow afternoon."
-------------------------
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-------------------------
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Friday, July 27, 2012
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 27th July, 2012
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 27th July, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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Jack Daniels Fishing Story
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I went fishing this morning but after a short time I ran out of worms. Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth. Frogs are good bass bait.
Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket.
Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit. So, I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth. His eyes rolled back, he went limp. I released him into the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog.
A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot. It was that snake, with two more frogs.
-------------------------
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-------------------------
Jack Daniels Fishing Story
-------------------------
I went fishing this morning but after a short time I ran out of worms. Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth. Frogs are good bass bait.
Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket.
Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit. So, I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth. His eyes rolled back, he went limp. I released him into the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog.
A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot. It was that snake, with two more frogs.
-------------------------
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-------------------------
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Thursday, July 26, 2012
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 26th July, 2012
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 26th July, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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Golf Gun
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Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan
Gonzalez.
"How was he killed?" asked one detective.
"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.
"A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?"
"I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."
-------------------------
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-------------------------
Golf Gun
-------------------------
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan
Gonzalez.
"How was he killed?" asked one detective.
"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.
"A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?"
"I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."
-------------------------
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-------------------------
Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20120726
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Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 25th July, 2012
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 25th July, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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Answers Given By Children
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These, are real answers given by children.
Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
********
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A:
Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants
like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists..
********
Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them
perspire.
********
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow.
********
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the
Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there
is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun
joins in this fight.
********
Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
********
Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your
bowels and you get intercontinental.
********
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death.
********
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen). A: The
body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the
abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the
heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A,E,I,O
and U.
********
Q: What is the fibula? A: A small lie.
********
Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby.
********
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section" A: The Caesarean Section
is a district in Rome.
********
Q: What does the word "benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be after you
be eight.
-------------------------
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________________________________________________
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-------------------------
Answers Given By Children
-------------------------
These, are real answers given by children.
Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
********
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A:
Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants
like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists..
********
Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them
perspire.
********
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow.
********
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the
Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there
is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun
joins in this fight.
********
Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
********
Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your
bowels and you get intercontinental.
********
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death.
********
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen). A: The
body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the
abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the
heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A,E,I,O
and U.
********
Q: What is the fibula? A: A small lie.
********
Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby.
********
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section" A: The Caesarean Section
is a district in Rome.
********
Q: What does the word "benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be after you
be eight.
-------------------------
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-------------------------
Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20120725
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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