JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 29th July, 2013 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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Hospital Regulations
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Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I
found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
"I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."
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Monday, July 29, 2013
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 28th July, 2013
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 28th July, 2013 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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One Golf Ball
-------------------------
Two golfing friends were about to tee off, when one fellow noticed that
his partner had but one golf ball.
"Don't you have at least one other ball?", he asked.
"Nope, I only need one ball."
"Are you sure? What happens if you lose that one?"
"This is a very special golf ball. You can't lose it, so I don't need
another one."
"What do you mean you can't lose it! What happens if you slice your shot
and the ball goes in the lake?"
"That's okay, this special golf ball senses when it's under water and it
puts out a steam of bubbles. I'll be able to retrieve it. You can't lose
this ball"
"Well what happens if you hit it into the long rough?"
"No problem, you see, this ball can detect the long grass and it sends up
puffs of fluorescent smoke. I'll be able to see it easily. You can't lose
this ball"
Exasperated, the friend asks, "Okay. Let's say our game goes late, the sun
goes down, and you hit your ball deep into the trees and it gets lost
among the bushes and shrubs?. What are you going to do then?"
"That's okay too. You see, this special ball can sense the darkness and it
makes a beeping sound. I'll be able to get it back - no problem."
Finally satisfied that he needs only the one amazing golf ball, the friend
asks, "Hey, where did you get a golf ball like that anyway?"
"I found it."
-------------------------
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-------------------------
One Golf Ball
-------------------------
Two golfing friends were about to tee off, when one fellow noticed that
his partner had but one golf ball.
"Don't you have at least one other ball?", he asked.
"Nope, I only need one ball."
"Are you sure? What happens if you lose that one?"
"This is a very special golf ball. You can't lose it, so I don't need
another one."
"What do you mean you can't lose it! What happens if you slice your shot
and the ball goes in the lake?"
"That's okay, this special golf ball senses when it's under water and it
puts out a steam of bubbles. I'll be able to retrieve it. You can't lose
this ball"
"Well what happens if you hit it into the long rough?"
"No problem, you see, this ball can detect the long grass and it sends up
puffs of fluorescent smoke. I'll be able to see it easily. You can't lose
this ball"
Exasperated, the friend asks, "Okay. Let's say our game goes late, the sun
goes down, and you hit your ball deep into the trees and it gets lost
among the bushes and shrubs?. What are you going to do then?"
"That's okay too. You see, this special ball can sense the darkness and it
makes a beeping sound. I'll be able to get it back - no problem."
Finally satisfied that he needs only the one amazing golf ball, the friend
asks, "Hey, where did you get a golf ball like that anyway?"
"I found it."
-------------------------
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Friday, July 26, 2013
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 26th July, 2013
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 26th July, 2013 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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Cold Cream
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Little Davie watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face..
"Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked.
"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" asked Little Davie. "Giving up?"
-------------------------
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-------------------------
Cold Cream
-------------------------
Little Davie watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face..
"Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked.
"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" asked Little Davie. "Giving up?"
-------------------------
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Thursday, July 25, 2013
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 25th July, 2013
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 25th July, 2013 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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Not What It Seems
-------------------------
An elderly man was walking through the French countryside, admiring
the beautiful spring day, when over a hedgerow he spotted a young
couple making love in a field. Getting over his initial shock he said
to himself: "Ah,young love... ze spring time, ze air, ze flowers...
C'est magnifique!", and continued to watch, remembering the good old
day's that he'd once enjoyed.
Suddenly he gasped and said: "Mais... Sacre bleu! Ze woman she is
dead!," before heading off as fast as he could to the town to tell
Jean, the police chief.
He arrived at the Police Station, out of breath, and shouted:
"Jean...Jean...zere is zis man, zis woman ... naked in farmer Gaston's
field making love."
The police chief smiled and said: "Come, come, Henri you are not so
old; remember ze young love, ze spring time, ze air, ze flowers?
Ah,L'amour! Zis is OK."
"Mais non! You do not understand; ze woman, she is dead!"
Upon hearing this, Jean, leapt up from his seat, rushed out of the
station, jumped on his push-bike, pedalled down to the field,
confirmed Henri's story, and pedalled all the way back (non-stop) to
call the doctor.
He picked up the telephone and screamed: "Pierre, Pierre, ... this is
Jean, I was in Gaston's field; zere is a young couple naked having sex."
To which Pierre replied,"Jean, I am a man of science. You must
remember...it's spring, ze air, ze flowers, Ah, L'amour! Zis is very
natural.
"Jean, still out of breath, grasped in reply: "NON, you do not
understand; ze woman, she is dead!"
Hearing this, Pierre exclaimed: "Mon dieu!," grabbed his black
medicine bag; stuffed in his thermometer, stethoscope, and other
tools; jumped in his car; and drove like a madman down to Gaston's
field.
After carefully examining the participants he drove calmly back to
Henri and Jean, who were waiting at the station.
When he got there, went inside, smiled patiently, and said: "Ah, mes
amis, do not worry. Ze woman, she is not dead, she is British"
-------------------------
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-------------------------
Not What It Seems
-------------------------
An elderly man was walking through the French countryside, admiring
the beautiful spring day, when over a hedgerow he spotted a young
couple making love in a field. Getting over his initial shock he said
to himself: "Ah,young love... ze spring time, ze air, ze flowers...
C'est magnifique!", and continued to watch, remembering the good old
day's that he'd once enjoyed.
Suddenly he gasped and said: "Mais... Sacre bleu! Ze woman she is
dead!," before heading off as fast as he could to the town to tell
Jean, the police chief.
He arrived at the Police Station, out of breath, and shouted:
"Jean...Jean...zere is zis man, zis woman ... naked in farmer Gaston's
field making love."
The police chief smiled and said: "Come, come, Henri you are not so
old; remember ze young love, ze spring time, ze air, ze flowers?
Ah,L'amour! Zis is OK."
"Mais non! You do not understand; ze woman, she is dead!"
Upon hearing this, Jean, leapt up from his seat, rushed out of the
station, jumped on his push-bike, pedalled down to the field,
confirmed Henri's story, and pedalled all the way back (non-stop) to
call the doctor.
He picked up the telephone and screamed: "Pierre, Pierre, ... this is
Jean, I was in Gaston's field; zere is a young couple naked having sex."
To which Pierre replied,"Jean, I am a man of science. You must
remember...it's spring, ze air, ze flowers, Ah, L'amour! Zis is very
natural.
"Jean, still out of breath, grasped in reply: "NON, you do not
understand; ze woman, she is dead!"
Hearing this, Pierre exclaimed: "Mon dieu!," grabbed his black
medicine bag; stuffed in his thermometer, stethoscope, and other
tools; jumped in his car; and drove like a madman down to Gaston's
field.
After carefully examining the participants he drove calmly back to
Henri and Jean, who were waiting at the station.
When he got there, went inside, smiled patiently, and said: "Ah, mes
amis, do not worry. Ze woman, she is not dead, she is British"
-------------------------
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Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 24th July, 2013
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 24th July, 2013 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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Road Stripers
-------------------------
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead all tried out for the same job as road
stripers. The boss told them they would all work for three days and whoever
painted the most would get the job. At the end of the first day, the redhead
had painted 3 miles, the brunette had painted 2.5 miles and the blonde had
painted 10 miles . The boss was so excited he told her to keep it up and the
job was hers. The next day, the redhead painted 5 miles and the brunette 5.6
miles and the blonde painted only 4 miles. The boss told her not to worry, you still have a good
lead. So, on the third day the redhead had painted 6 miles, the brunette 5
miles and the blonde only one mile. The boss was so disappointed, he asked the
blonde, "What went wrong?, you were doing so well" .
She said, "Well, that bucket of paint keeps getting further and further away."
-------------------------
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-------------------------
Road Stripers
-------------------------
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead all tried out for the same job as road
stripers. The boss told them they would all work for three days and whoever
painted the most would get the job. At the end of the first day, the redhead
had painted 3 miles, the brunette had painted 2.5 miles and the blonde had
painted 10 miles . The boss was so excited he told her to keep it up and the
job was hers. The next day, the redhead painted 5 miles and the brunette 5.6
miles and the blonde painted only 4 miles. The boss told her not to worry, you still have a good
lead. So, on the third day the redhead had painted 6 miles, the brunette 5
miles and the blonde only one mile. The boss was so disappointed, he asked the
blonde, "What went wrong?, you were doing so well" .
She said, "Well, that bucket of paint keeps getting further and further away."
-------------------------
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Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 23rd July, 2013
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 23rd July, 2013 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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Devil in Church
-------------------------
One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the tiny town of
Johnstown got up early and went to the local church. Before the
service started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and
talking about their lives, their families, etc.
Suddenly, the Devil himself appeared in front of the congregation.
Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance,
trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil
incarnate.
Soon everyone was evacuated from the church except for one elderly
gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving, seemingly oblivious
to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said,
"Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked "Aren't you afraid of me?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you
afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "I been married to your sister for 48 years."
-------------------------
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-------------------------
Devil in Church
-------------------------
One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the tiny town of
Johnstown got up early and went to the local church. Before the
service started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and
talking about their lives, their families, etc.
Suddenly, the Devil himself appeared in front of the congregation.
Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance,
trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil
incarnate.
Soon everyone was evacuated from the church except for one elderly
gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving, seemingly oblivious
to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said,
"Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked "Aren't you afraid of me?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you
afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied, "I been married to your sister for 48 years."
-------------------------
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Monday, July 22, 2013
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 22nd July, 2013
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 22nd July, 2013 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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Visit to the Doctor
-------------------------
An elderly married couple scheduled their medical examination on
the same day so that they could answer any questions the doctor
might have concerning their partner.
After the husband's exam, the doctor then said to the elderly man,
"You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concern
that you would like to ask me?"
"In fact, I do," said the old man.
"After I have sex with my wife the first time, I am usually hot
and sweaty, and then, after I have sex with my wife the second time,
I'm usually cold and chilly."
The doctor said that he would examine the wife, and then report
back to the man. After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said:
"Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns
that you would like to discuss with me?"
The lady replied that she
had no questions or concerns.
The doctor then asked: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He
claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex the first
time with you, and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do
you know why?"
"Oh that crazy old nut", she replied. "That's because the first
time is usually in July and the second time is usually in December!"
-------------------------
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-------------------------
Visit to the Doctor
-------------------------
An elderly married couple scheduled their medical examination on
the same day so that they could answer any questions the doctor
might have concerning their partner.
After the husband's exam, the doctor then said to the elderly man,
"You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concern
that you would like to ask me?"
"In fact, I do," said the old man.
"After I have sex with my wife the first time, I am usually hot
and sweaty, and then, after I have sex with my wife the second time,
I'm usually cold and chilly."
The doctor said that he would examine the wife, and then report
back to the man. After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said:
"Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns
that you would like to discuss with me?"
The lady replied that she
had no questions or concerns.
The doctor then asked: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He
claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having sex the first
time with you, and then cold and chilly after the second time. Do
you know why?"
"Oh that crazy old nut", she replied. "That's because the first
time is usually in July and the second time is usually in December!"
-------------------------
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