JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 30th April, 2015 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
-------------------------
Ex-Girlfriend
-------------------------
A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sits alone at a nearby table.
The wife asks, "Do you know her?"
"Yes," sighs the husband, "she's my ex-girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" says the wife. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------
Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150430
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml
Thursday, April 30, 2015
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 29th April, 2015
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 29th April, 2015 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
-------------------------
Need a Different Lawyer?
-------------------------
YOU know you need a Different Lawyer when ......
* You met him in prison.
* During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.
* He tells you that his last good case was a Budweiser.
* When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.
* He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."
* He tells you that he's never told a lie.
* He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."
* A prison guard is shaving your head.
-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------
Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150429
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml
-------------------------
Need a Different Lawyer?
-------------------------
YOU know you need a Different Lawyer when ......
* You met him in prison.
* During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.
* He tells you that his last good case was a Budweiser.
* When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.
* He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."
* He tells you that he's never told a lie.
* He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."
* A prison guard is shaving your head.
-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------
Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150429
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 28th April, 2015
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 28th April, 2015 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
-------------------------
Prize Bull
-------------------------
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.
Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.
After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, 'comfortable.'"
The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, 'comfortable'?"
The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. She'll read it very slow."
-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------
Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150428
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml
-------------------------
Prize Bull
-------------------------
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.
Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."
The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."
The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."
Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.
After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, 'comfortable.'"
The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, 'comfortable'?"
The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. She'll read it very slow."
-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------
Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150428
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml
Monday, April 27, 2015
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 27th April, 2015
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 27th April, 2015 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
-------------------------
Sexual Morality
-------------------------
The dean of women at an exclusive girl's college was lecturing her
students on sexual morality.
"In moments of temptation," said the speaker to the class, "ask yourself
just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?"
A sweet young thing in the back of the room rose to ask: "How do you
make it last an hour?"
-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------
Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150427
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml
-------------------------
Sexual Morality
-------------------------
The dean of women at an exclusive girl's college was lecturing her
students on sexual morality.
"In moments of temptation," said the speaker to the class, "ask yourself
just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?"
A sweet young thing in the back of the room rose to ask: "How do you
make it last an hour?"
-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------
Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150427
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml
Sunday, April 26, 2015
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 26th April, 2015
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 26th April, 2015 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
-------------------------
You Get What You Ask For
-------------------------
A group of previous kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk!
"You need to use 'Big People' words," she was always reminding them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend.
"I went to visit my Nana."
"No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use 'Big People' words!" She then asked Mitchell what he had done.
"I took a ride on a choo-choo." She said "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use 'Big People' words." She then asked little Alec what he had done.
"I read a book," he replied.
"That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?"
Alec thought real hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride, and said, "Winnie the SH*T."
-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------
Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150426
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml
-------------------------
You Get What You Ask For
-------------------------
A group of previous kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk!
"You need to use 'Big People' words," she was always reminding them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend.
"I went to visit my Nana."
"No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use 'Big People' words!" She then asked Mitchell what he had done.
"I took a ride on a choo-choo." She said "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use 'Big People' words." She then asked little Alec what he had done.
"I read a book," he replied.
"That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?"
Alec thought real hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride, and said, "Winnie the SH*T."
-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------
Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150426
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml
Saturday, April 25, 2015
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 25th April, 2015
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 25th April, 2015 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
-------------------------
Occupations
-------------------------
Accountant - Someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.
Auditor - Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.
Banker - The fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. (Mark Twain)
Economist - An expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
Statistician - Someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.
Actuary - Someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.
Programmer - Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
Mathematician - A blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there.
Lawyer - A person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a "brief."
Psychologist - A man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.
Schoolteacher - A disillusioned woman who used to think she liked children.
Consultant - Someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.
Diplomat - Someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------
Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150425
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml
-------------------------
Occupations
-------------------------
Accountant - Someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.
Auditor - Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.
Banker - The fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. (Mark Twain)
Economist - An expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
Statistician - Someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.
Actuary - Someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.
Programmer - Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.
Mathematician - A blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there.
Lawyer - A person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a "brief."
Psychologist - A man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.
Schoolteacher - A disillusioned woman who used to think she liked children.
Consultant - Someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.
Diplomat - Someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------
Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150425
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml
Friday, April 24, 2015
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 24th April, 2015
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 24th April, 2015 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
-------------------------
Texas Policing
-------------------------
Two guys driving through Texas get pulled over by a state trooper. The cop walks up and taps on the driver's window, the driver rolls it down, and the trooper smacks the driver in the head with his night stick.
"Ow!" says the driver. "Why'd you do that?"
The trooper says, "You're in Texas, son. When I pull you over, you'll have your license ready."
The driver says, "I'm sorry, officer; I'm not from around here."
The trooper writes the guy a ticket and gives his license back, then walks around to the car's passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls the window down, and the trooper smacks him with his night stick.
"Ow!" says the passenger. "What'd you do that for?"
The trooper says, "Just making your wish come true."
"What the hell does that mean?" asks the guy.
"Two miles down the road, you were gonna say, "I wish that lousy assh*le would've tried that sh*t with me!"
-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------
Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150424
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml
-------------------------
Texas Policing
-------------------------
Two guys driving through Texas get pulled over by a state trooper. The cop walks up and taps on the driver's window, the driver rolls it down, and the trooper smacks the driver in the head with his night stick.
"Ow!" says the driver. "Why'd you do that?"
The trooper says, "You're in Texas, son. When I pull you over, you'll have your license ready."
The driver says, "I'm sorry, officer; I'm not from around here."
The trooper writes the guy a ticket and gives his license back, then walks around to the car's passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls the window down, and the trooper smacks him with his night stick.
"Ow!" says the passenger. "What'd you do that for?"
The trooper says, "Just making your wish come true."
"What the hell does that mean?" asks the guy.
"Two miles down the road, you were gonna say, "I wish that lousy assh*le would've tried that sh*t with me!"
-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------
Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150424
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)