Funny Jokes Corner

Tuesday, April 3, 2018

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 3rd April, 2018

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 3rd April, 2018 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Deer Camp
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Four guys were at deer camp. They had to bunk two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. The other two said, "Man, what happened to you?" He said, "Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."

The next night it was the second guy's turn. In the morning, Same thing happens again, his hair is standing up, eyes all bloodshot.

The other two said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!"

He said, "Man, that Daryl shakes the roof. I sat up and watched him all night."

The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football player; a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning," he said. The other two couldn't believe it!

He looked rested and wide awake. They asked, "Man, what happened?"

He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed, patted his butt and kissed him good night. Daryl sat up and watched me all night."





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Saturday, February 3, 2018

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 2nd February, 2018

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 2nd February, 2018 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Massage
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I checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely so I thought I'd get me one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you're calling for a cab. I grabbed a card on my way in. It was an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo. She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair, long graceful legs all the way up. You know the kind. So I'm in my room and figure, what the heck, I'll give her a call.
"Hello?" the woman says. Wow! she sounded sexy.

"Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is $ex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. I'm talking kinky the whole night long. You name it, we'll do it. Bring implements, toys, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night; Tie me up, wear a strap on, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything you want baby. Now, how does that sound?"

She says, "That sounds fantastic,...... but for an outside line Sir, you need to press 9."




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Thursday, February 1, 2018

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 31st January, 2018

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 31st January, 2018 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Rider
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After a round of golf, four ladies sat around the club house, chatting.

Seeing the ladies, the Pro approached them and asked: "How did your game go?

The first lady, a brunette, said she had a good round ... making the comment that she actually had 25 riders.
The Pro was a bit perplexed not knowing what a "Rider" was.

The second was a blonde lady who quickly chimed in and said that she had a very good round as well with 16 riders.

The third lady then said that her round was average and that she only had 10 riders.

The fourth lady admitted that she played the worst round of the day and that she only had 2 riders all day long.

The Pro was completely confused not knowing what the term "rider" meant. But, because he didn't want to look dumb, he made a quick polite remark, wished the ladies well and then left.

He then approached the bartender and asked "Hey, can you tell me what these ladies are talking about when they refer to "Riders"?"

The bartender simply smiled and said..."A 'Rider" is when you hit a shot long enough to ride on the golf cart to your ball.





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Wednesday, January 31, 2018

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 30th January, 2018

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 30th January, 2018 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Good Advice from Maxine
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People who live in glass houses should make love in the basement.

Never read the fine print. There ain't no way you're going to like it.

If you let a smile be your umbrella, then most likely your butt will get soaking wet.

The only two things we do with greater frequency in middle age are urinate and attend funerals.

The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.

To err is human, to forgive - highly unlikely.

Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?

Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than in a Hyundai.

Drinking makes some husbands see double and feel single.

Living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.

After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead.




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Sunday, January 28, 2018

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 27th January, 2018

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 27th January, 2018 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Car Accident
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I rear- ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Well, i couldnt believe it... he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"

So, I looked down at him and said, " Well, then which one are you?"

And then the fight started.....








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Friday, January 26, 2018

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 25th January, 2018

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 25th January, 2018 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Doctor Visit
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"I'm sorry doctor, I know this is unusual but I seem to have a lettuce stuck in my bottom!"

"Good grief" the doctor replies "I'd better take a look"

"It's worse than that" the doctor says after the examination - "thats just the tip of the iceberg"




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Monday, January 22, 2018

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 21st January, 2018

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 21st January, 2018 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Garbage Bags
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A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two large plastic
garbage bags with her, one in each hand. Unfortunately,
There is a rip in one of the bags,and every once in a while a $20 bill
Falls out onto the pavement. Noticing this, a policeman stops her. 'Ma'am, there are
$20 bills falling out of your bag.'

"Oh, really? Damn!' says the little old lady.
I'd better go back and see if I can collect them. Thanks for the
warning.'

'Well, now, not so fast,' says the cop. 'How did you
Get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?'

'Oh no,' says the little old lady. 'You see, my back
Yard is right next to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time
there is a game, a lot of the fans come and pee through the bushes, right
Into my flower beds! So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big
Hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingie through
the Bushes, I say, '$20 or off it comes!'

'Well, that seems only fair,' laughs the cop. 'Ok, good
Luck! By the way, what's in the other bag?'

'Well,' says the little old lady, 'not everybody Pays.




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