Funny Jokes Corner

Sunday, December 10, 2017

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 10th December, 2017

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 10th December, 2017 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Auto Collision
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A lawyer was on vacation in a small farming town. While walking through the streets on a quiet Sunday morning, he came upon a large crowd gathered by the side of the road.

Going by instinct, the lawyer figured that there was some sort of auto collision. He was eager to get to the injured parties but couldn't get near the car. Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim."

The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the car was a donkey.





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Saturday, December 9, 2017

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 9th December, 2017

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 9th December, 2017 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Thunderstorm
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One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"

The mother smiled. "I can't dear," she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room."

The little boy replied with a shaking voice, "The big sissy."




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Friday, December 8, 2017

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 8th December, 2017

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 8th December, 2017 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Vacuum
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A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn.
She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her
question was: "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name,
can you hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"








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Thursday, December 7, 2017

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 7th December, 2017

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 7th December, 2017 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Puns, For the Educated Mind
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1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10.. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then, it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, 'Keep off the Grass.'

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

18. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21. A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

23 . When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.









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Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 6th December, 2017

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 6th December, 2017 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Golf Balls
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A guy receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollar. He jumps at the offer and heads off for a weekend of fun in the sun.

He arrives and plays a round of golf. It cost him a buck. When he goes for dinner that evening, it costs him another buck. His room is only a buck a day!

The day before he's to check out, he heads out to play a last round and stops by the pro shop and charges a sleeve of three balls to his room.

When he's checking out next morning, he looks at the bill and sees:

Golf: $1.00
Dinner: $1.00
Room: $1.00.
Sleeve of golf balls: $3,000.00

He asks the Manager, "What is this all about? Everything is supposed to cost one dollar, and you charged me three thousand for three golf balls?"

"I'm sorry, sir, said the manager, but you didn't read the fine print in our promotional brochure. That's what our golf balls cost."

"Well, said the man, If I wanted to spend that kind of money, I could've gone to that luxury hotel across the street and paid them a thousand dollars a day for a room. At least I would've known what I was paying for!"

"That's right, sir, you could have, said the manager. Over there they get you by the room. Over here we get you by the balls!"




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Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 5th December, 2017

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 5th December, 2017 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Old Duck
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A man took his old duck to the Doctor, concerned because the
duck wouldn't eat.

The Doctor explained to the man that as ducks age their
upper bills grow down over their lower bills and make it
difficult for the animal to pick up it's food.


"What you need to do is gently file the upper bill down even
with the lower bill. But you must be extra careful because
the duck's nostrils are located in the upper bill and if
you file down too far, when the duck takes a drink of water
it'll drown."


The man goes about his business and about a week later the
Doctor runs into his patient.


"Well, how is that duck of yours?" the Doctor inquires.


"He's dead." declared the heartbroken man.


"I told you not to file his upper bill down too far! He took
a drink of water and drowned didn't he?" insisted the
Doctor.


"No." lamented the man. "I think he was dead before I took
him out of the vise."





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Sunday, December 3, 2017

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 3rd December, 2017

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 3rd December, 2017 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Newlyweds
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A week after their marriage, the redneck newlyweds, Ed and Wanda, paid a visit to their doctor.

"You ain't gonna believe this, Doc," said Ed. "My thingy's turnin blue."

"That's pretty unusual," said the doctor. "Let me examine you." The doctor took a look. Sure enough, Ed's "thingy" really was blue. The doctor turned to Wanda and asked,
"Are you using the diaphragm that I prescribed for you?"

"Yep, shore am," she replied brightly.

"And what kind of jelly are you using with it?"

"Grape," she replied.




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