Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 31st December, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 31st December, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Claven Theory
-------------------------

The "Claven Theory" offers the besy proof that beer actually does make you smarter.....
"One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. and here's how it went:
Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.

In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

Don't you feel smarter after a few?




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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 22nd December, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 22nd December, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Late Night
-------------------------

After a night on the town, a young woman brought a new friend home for a late-night drink. "You can't make any noise," she warned him. "My parents are upstairs and if they find out they'll kill us."

Things started getting heated on the sofa, but after a while alcohol got the better of the man. "I have to go," he said.

"Well you can't go upstairs. The bathroom is right next to my parents' bedroom," she replied. "Use the kitchen sink."

So he dutifully retired to the kitchen. A few minutes later, he popped his head around the door and asked, "Do you have any toilet paper, or should I just use a paper towel?"







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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 20th December, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 20th December, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Monkey and the Lizard
-------------------------

A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey "Hey! What are you doing?"

The monkey says "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."

So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they share a joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river.

The lizard climbs down the tree, walks thru the jungle to the river and leans over the river to get his drink. The lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.

A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?"

The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with a monkey in a tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.

The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the jungle, finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says "Hey you!"

The Monkey looks down and says, "Duuuuuuuuuude.......how much water did you drink?!"




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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 19th December, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 19th December, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Notice to All EMS Personnel
-------------------------

From: Chief of Operations
Subject: Proper Narrative Descriptions

It has come to our attention from several emergency rooms that many EMS
narratives have taken a decidedly creative direction lately. Effective
immediately, all members are to refrain from using slang and abbreviations
to describe patients, such as the following.

a.. Cardiac patients should not be referred to as suffering from MUH
(messed up heart), PBS (pretty bad shape), PCL (pre-code looking) or HIBGIA
(had it before, got it again).
b.. Stroke patients are NOT "Charlie Carrots." Nor are rescuers to use
CCFCCP(Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs) to describe their mental state.
c.. Trauma patients are not CATS (cut all to sh*t), FDGB (fall down, go
boom), TBC (total body crunch) or "hamburger helper." Similarly,
descriptions of a car crash do not have to include phrases like "negative
vehicle to vehicle interface" or "terminal deceleration syndrome."
d.. HAZMAT teams are highly trained professionals, not "glow worms."
e.. Persons with altered mental states as a result of drug use are not
considered "pharmaceutically gifted."
f.. Gunshot wounds to the head are not "trans-occipital implants."
g.. The homeless are not "urban outdoorsmen," nor is endotracheal
intubation referred to as a "PVC Challenge."
h.. And finally, do not refer to recently deceased persons as being "paws
up," ART (assuming room temperature), CC (Cancel Christmas), CTD (circling
the drain), DRT (dead right there) or NLPR (no long playing records).

I know you will all join me in respecting the cultural diversity of our
patients to include their medical orientations in creating proper narratives
and log entries.







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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 18th December, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 18th December, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Urges
-------------------------

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either... but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.






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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 17th December, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 17th December, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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5 Things Women Will Never Understand
-------------------------

Men are a misunderstood lot, which all in all is probably for the best. Women are better off not knowing that we eat with our hands the minute they leave the room or that we use their nail clippers to trim our nose hair. Better for them, better for us. Still, it's annoying that women spend more time and money trying to understand the minds of cats than they do wondering about what makes men tick. Which is why they'll never understand...


Our consuming need to own the biggest and most expensive version of just about everything.
Our compulsive desire to drive off-road vehicles in cities and use corkscrews that resemble offshore drilling equipment is well documented. As marketing targets, men are suckers for terms like "professional" or "industrial strength," because inside every man is the germ of every profession he ever imagined himself one day excelling at. Most of these purchases are harmless, little more than childish wish fulfillment played out at a higher testosterone level. But occasionally we go too far. The guy upstairs from me once boasted that he had a filter which filled his flat with "operating theater quality air." I kept him away from my surgical steel steak knives.


Why we are so bad at shopping.
We've never been trained to do it the right way. Supermarkets are like giant booby traps for males -- which is why if you send a man out to get eggs, sugar and bread, you should not be surprised if he returns home with a case of beer, a pair of jeans and a tree.


The reason why we don't like to discuss The Relationship.
Most of us will find any excuse to dodge those conversations that start with questions like "Are you really happy?" and "Where do you see us going?" A relationship is a delicate thing, like an antique clock, and we know what will happen if we start picking it apart. Often our reticence will result in a lengthy conversation about why we have trouble talking about... "The Relationship."


Why we think we can fix things.
Almost all men believe they can repair virtually anything with a little patience. In reality, we're only half right. Men are extremely good at taking things apart: whether it's a dishwasher or an antique clock, a man can break it down to its most basic components in no time. Unfortunately, this is where our expertise usually leaves off, and we're mostly satisfied with leaving bits and pieces spread all over newspaper on the kitchen table.


Men and video games.
Women cannot understand how grown men can waste huge chunks of their lives zapping things off a screen. When a man repeatedly rings his girlfriend to say he has to work late and routinely comes home at two in the morning all glassy eyed, she will usually take this as evidence of an affair -- when it's more likely that a pirated copy of Streetfighter II is making the rounds at the office.




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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 16th December, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 16th December, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Words of Wisdom
-------------------------

People who live in glass houses should make love in the basement.

Never read the fine print.
There ain't no way you're going to like it.


If you let a smile be your umbrella,
then most likely your butt will get soaking wet.

The only two things we do with greater frequency
in middle age are urinate and attend funerals.

The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody
has the same size bucket.

To err is human, to forgive - highly unlikely.

Do you realize that in about 40 years,
we'll have thousands of old ladies
running around with tattoos?

Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable
to cry in a Porsche than in a Hyundai.

Drinking makes some husbands see double and feel single.

Living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.

After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in every joint,
you are probably dead.




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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 15th December, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 15th December, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Delivery Tip
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A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Mr.Smith. He delivered the pizza to his trailer. After giving it to him, Mr. Smith asked: "What is the usual tip?"

"Well," replied the youth, "this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great."

"Is that so?" snorted Mr. Smith. "Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's five dollars."

"Thanks," replied the youth, "I'll put this in my school fund."

"What are you studying in school?" asked Larry.

The lad smiled and said: "Applied psychology."







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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 14th December, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 14th December, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Throwing a Party
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A lady is throwing a party for her granddaughter, and had gone all
out..... a caterer, band, and a hired clown. Just before the party
started, two bums showed up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the
bums, the woman told them that she would give them a meal if they will
help chop some wood for her out back. Gratefully, they headed to the rear
of the house.

The guests arrived, and all was going well with the children having a
wonderful time. But the clown hadn't shown up. After a half and hour, the
clown finally called to report that he was stuck in traffic, and would
probably not make the party at all.

The woman was very disappointed and unsuccessfully tried to entertain the
children herself. She happened to look out the window and saw one of the
bums doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watched in awe as he swung from
tree branches, did mid-air flips, and leaped high in the air.

She spoke to the other bum and said, "What your friend is doing is
absolutely marvelous. I have never seen such a thing. Do you think your
friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the
party? I would pay him $50!"

The other bum says, "Well, I dunno. Let me ask him. 'HEY WILLIE! FOR $50,
WOULD YOU CHOP OFF ANOTHER TOE?"







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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 13th December, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 13th December, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Infestation
-------------------------

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly. "Quick," said the woman to her lover, "into the closet!" and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked. The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet. "Who are you?" he asked.

"I'm an inspector from Termite Busters," said the exterminator.

"What are you doing in there?" the husband asked.

"I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths," the man replied.

"And where are your clothes?" asked the husband.

The man looked down at himself and said, "Those little bastards."




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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 12th December, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 12th December, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Phone Call
-------------------------

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, 'Hello.'

'Mrs. Sanders, please.'

'Speaking.'

'Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good.'

'What do you mean?' Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

'Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which.'

'That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?' questioned Mrs. Sanders.

'Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time.'

'Well, what am I supposed to do now?'

'The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.'










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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 10th December, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 10th December, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Harry
-------------------------

A group of friends who went deer hunting separated into
pairs for the day. That night, one hunter returned alone, staggering under
a hugh buck.

"Where's Harry?", asked another hunter.

"He fainted a couple miles up the trail,"

Harry's partner answered. "You left him lying there alone and carried
the deer back?"

"It was a tough decision," said the hunter. "But I figured
no one is going to steal Harry."







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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 9th December, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 9th December, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Deer Camp
-------------------------

Four guys were at deer camp. They had to bunk two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. The other two said, "Man, what happened to you?" He said, "Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."

The next night it was the second guy's turn. In the morning, Same thing happens again, his hair is standing up, eyes all bloodshot.

The other two said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!"

He said, "Man, that Daryl shakes the roof. I sat up and watched him all night."

The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football player; a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning," he said. The other two couldn't believe it!

He looked rested and wide awake. They asked, "Man, what happened?"

He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed, patted his butt and kissed him good night. Daryl sat up and watched me all night."





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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 8th December, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 8th December, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Things Not To Say To a Cop
-------------------------

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

5. Are You Andy or Barney?

6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

8. I pay your salary!

9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.

12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"




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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 7th December, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 7th December, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Zen Teachings
-------------------------

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just leave me the Hell alone.

2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.

3. No one is listening until you fart.

4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of payments.

7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

10. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.

11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

12. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.

13. Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.

14. Good judgment comes from bad experience ... and most of that comes from bad judgment.

15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.

17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our ass... then things just keep getting worse.

20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.





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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 6th December, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 6th December, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Super Sex
-------------------------

An 87 year old man is celebrating his birthday with all the members of
his family at the Old Folks Home when in walks a Kissagram Lady. She walks
sexily up to the old Guy and announces that she is going to give him
Super Sex.

The old man looks shocked, but replies " Would you mind if I only
had the soup"!!





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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 5th December, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 5th December, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Barking Dog
-------------------------

A blonde and her husband are lying in bed
listening to the next door neighbor's dog.
It has been in the backyard
barking for hours and hours.

The blonde jumps out of bed
and says 'I've had enough of this,'
and she goes downstairs.

The blonde finally comes back up to bed
and her husband says
'The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?'

The blonde says 'I put the dog in our backyard,
let's see how THEY like it!'




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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 4th December, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 4th December, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives
-------------------------

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.


2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.


3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.


4. A dog's parents never visit.


5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.


6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.


7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.


8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, If I died, would you get
another dog??


10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.


11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a
pervert.


12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think
it's interesting..


13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.


And last, but not least:


14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.





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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 3rd December, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 3rd December, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Retirees
-------------------------

Q. When is a retiree's bedtime?
A. Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

Q. How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Only one, but it might take all day.

Q. What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
A. There is not enough time to get everything done.

Q. Why don't retirees mind being called senior citizens?
A. The term comes with a 10% discount.

Q. Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
A. Tied shoes.

Q. Why do retirees count pennies?
A. They are the only ones who have the time.

Q. What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
A. NUTS!

Q. Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
A. They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

Q. What do retirees call a long lunch?
A. Normal

Q. What is the best way to describe retirement?
A. The never-ending Coffee Break.

Q. What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
A. If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.

Q. Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
A. He is too polite to tell the whole truth.




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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 1st December, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 1st December, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Dog Fight
-------------------------

A highly timid little man, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, "Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?"

A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked down at the quivering little man and said, "It's my dog. Why?"

"Well," squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous, "I believe my dog just killed it, sir."

"What?" roared the big man in disbelief. "What in the hell kind of dog do you have?"

"Sir," answered the little man, "it's a little four week old female puppy."

"Bull!" roared the biker, "how could your puppy kill my Doberman?"

"It appears that your dog choked on her, sir."









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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 30th November, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 30th November, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Ole Blue
-------------------------

A young Southern boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 of the way
through the semester, he has foolishly squandered away all of the money his
parents gave him.

Then he gets an idea. He calls his daddy. "Dad," he says, "you won't
believe the wonders that modern education are coming up with! Why,
they actually have a program here at college that will teach our dog Ole
Blue how to talk!"

"That's absolutely amazing," his father says. "How do I get him in
that program?"

"Just send him down here with $1,000" the boy says. "I'll get him
into the course." So, his father sends the dog and the $1,000.

About 2/3 way through the semester, the money runs out. The boy calls
his father again. "So how's Ole Blue doing, son," his father asks.

"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe
this they've had such good results with this program that they've
implemented a new one to teach the animals how to READ!"

"READ," says his father, "No kidding! What do I have to do to get him
in that program? "

Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." His father sends the
money.

The boy now has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will
find out that the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog.

When he gets home at the end of the semester, his father is all
excited. "Where's Ole Blue? I just can't wait to see him talk and read
something!"

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just
before we left to drive home, Ole Blue was in the living room kicking back
in the recliner, reading the morning paper, like he usually does. Then he
turned to me and asked, ' So, is your daddy still messin' around with that
little redhead who lives on Oak Street ?'

The father says, "I hope you SHOT that son of a bitch before he talks
to your Mother!"

"I sure did, Dad!"

"That's my boy!"




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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 29th November, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 29th November, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Dog Fight
-------------------------

A guy walks into a bar with his dog on a leash the barman says, "Geez that's a weird dog: he's stumpy-legged, pink, and doesn't have a tail, but I bet my rottweiler would beat the heck out of it."
50 bucks is laid down. Out in the yard the rottweiler gets mauled to pieces.

Another drinker says his pit bull will win but the bet is 100 bucks.

Another trip to the yard and when it's all over there are bits of pit-bull terrier all over the place. The drinker pays up and says, "Say what breed is that anyway?"

The owner says,"Until I cut his tail off and painted it pink it was the same breed as every other alligator"







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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 28th November, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 28th November, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Gambler Problem
-------------------------

When I go to casinos, the most ridiculous sign I see is the one that says: "If you have a gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER."

I thought about it for a moment and dialed the number. When they answered I said, "I have an ace and a six. The dealer has a seven. What do I do?"





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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 27th November, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 27th November, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Cheese Farm
-------------------------

As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goats milk was used.

She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.

"These", she explained, "are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce."

She then asked, "What do you do in America with your old goats?"

A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours."




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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 25th November, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 25th November, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
the Buzzing Fly
-------------------------

There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day when he happened on a pile of fresh cow manure. Due to the fact that it had been hours since his last meal, he flew down and began to eat. He ate and ate and ate. Finally, he decided he had eaten enough and tried to fly away. He had eaten too much though, and could not get off the ground. As he looked around wondering what to do now, he spotted a pitchfork leaning up against the wall. He climbed to the top of the handle and jumped off, thinking that once he got airborne, he would be able to take flight. Unfortunately he was wrong and dropped like a rock, splatting when he hit the floor.


The moral to the story is: Never fly off the handle when you're full of sh*t.






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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 24th November, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 24th November, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Too Hot
-------------------------

It's just too hot to wear clothes today,"
complained a man to his wife as he stepped
out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think
the neighbours would say if I mowed the lawn
like this?"

she replied. "Probably that I married you for
your money."





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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 22nd November, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 22nd November, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
New Suit
-------------------------

A young banker decided to get his first tailor-made suit. So he went to
the finest tailor in town and got measured for a suit. A week later he
went in for his first fitting. He put on the suit and he looked fabulous,
he felt that in this suit he can do business.

As he was preening himself in front of the mirror he reached down to put
his hands in the pockets and to his surprise he noticed that there were no
pockets. He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him, "Didn't you tell
me you were a banker?"

The young man answered, "Yes, I did."

To this the tailor said, "Whoever heard of a banker with his hands in his
own pockets?"






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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 21st November, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 21st November, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Bowels
-------------------------

Old Aunt Cora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her troublesome constipation. "It's terrible," she said to the doctor. "I haven't moved my bowels in more than a week."

"I see. Have you done anything about it?" asked the doctor.

"Oh, yes," Aunt Cora replied, "I sit in the bathroom for a good half of an hour in the morning and then again at night."

"No," the doctor said, "I mean do you take anything?"

"Of course I do." she answered, "I take a magazine."




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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 20th November, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 20th November, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
The Choice
-------------------------

A minister was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink.

He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by brazen whores than let liquor touch my lips."

The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too. I didn't know we had a choice."




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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 19th November, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 19th November, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
The Coroner
-------------------------

In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:

Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: Did you check for breathing?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you werent sure the man was dead, were you?

Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The mans brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess its possible he could be out there practicing law
somewhere.






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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 18th November, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 18th November, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Dilbert
-------------------------

Dilbert's Salary Theorem states that Engineers and scientists can never earn as much as business executives and sales people. This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:

Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.

As every engineer knows: Power = Work / Time

Since: Knowledge = Power,
then Knowledge = Work/Time,
and Time = Money,
then Knowledge = Work/Money.

Solving for Money, we get: Money = Work / Knowledge.

Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, money approaches infinity,
regardless of the amount of work done.

Conclusion: The less you know, the more you make. Bummer.






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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 17th November, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 17th November, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
New Mercedes
-------------------------

A new Mercedes owner was out on an interstate for a nice evening
drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was
left of his hair and he decided to open her up.

As the needle jumped up to 80mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and
blue light behind him. "There ain't no way they can catch a
Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The
needle hit 90, 100 110 and finally 120 with the lights still behind
him.

"What in the world am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop
came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined it and
the car. "I've had a tough shift and this is my last pull-over. I
don't feel like more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for
your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go!"

"Last week my wife ran off with a cop," the man said, "and I was
afraid you were trying to give her back!"







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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 16th November, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 16th November, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Top Ten Country Western Songs
-------------------------

10. I Hate Every Bone In Her Body But Mine

9. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With an Ugly Woman But I've Woke
Up With A Few

8. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me


7. I've Missed You, But My Aim's Improvin'

6. Wouldn't Take Her To A Dogfight 'Cause I'm Scared
She'd Win

5. I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like You're Still Here

4. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Miss Him

3. She Took My Ring and Gave Me the Finger

2. She's Lookin' Better with Every Beer

And the Number One Country & Western song is...

1. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed
My Ass All Day





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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 15th November, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 15th November, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Pizza
-------------------------

A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Mr.Smith. He delivered the pizza to his trailer. After giving it to him, Mr. Smith asked: "What is the usual tip?"

"Well," replied the youth, "this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great."

"Is that so?" snorted Mr. Smith. "Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's five dollars."

"Thanks," replied the youth, "I'll put this in my school fund."

"What are you studying in school?" asked Larry.

The lad smiled and said: "Applied psychology."





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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 12th November, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 12th November, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Cops with a Sense of Humor
-------------------------

Who says cops don't have a sense of humor? The following were taken off of actual police car videos around the country.

"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."

"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh ... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."

"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

"Just how big were those two beers?"

"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."






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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 11th November, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 11th November, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
A Hard Look at Yourself
-------------------------

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started.

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director what the criterion was that defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No," said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a room with or without a view?"






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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 10th November, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 10th November, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Fingers
-------------------------

Jon's working at the lumberyard, pushing a tree through the
buzz saw, and accidentally shears off all ten of his
fingers. He goes to the emergency room.

The doctor says, "Yuck! Well, give me the fingers, and I'll
see what I can do."


Jon says, "I haven't got the fingers."


The doctor says, "What do you mean, you haven't got the
fingers? It's 2010. We've got microsurgery and all kinds of
incredible techniques. I could have put them back on and
made you like new. Why didn't you bring the fingers?"


Jon says, "Well, sh*t, Doc, I couldn't pick 'em up."






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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 9th November, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 9th November, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Meeting the Parents
-------------------------

A young woman visits her parents and brings her fiancé to meet them. After an elaborate dinner, the mother tells her husband to find out about the young man.

The father invites the fiancée to his library for a drink. So what are your plans? The father asks the young man. I am a Torah scholar. He says. A Torah scholar, Hmmm, the father says. Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter
to live in, as she is accustomed to? I will study, the young man said, and God will provide for us.

And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves? asks the father. I will concentrate on my studies, the young man replies, God will provide for us.

And children? asks the father. How will you support children? Dont worry, sir, God will provide, replies the fiancé.

The conversation continues like this, and each time the father questions, the young idealist insist that God will provide.

Later, the mother asks, How did it go, Honey?

The father answers, He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks Im God




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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 8th November, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 8th November, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Urine
-------------------------

Harold was an old man. He was sick and in the hospital. There was one young nurse that just drove him crazy. Every time she came in, she would talk to him like he was a little child. She would say in a patronizing tone of voice, "And how are we doing this morning, or are we ready for a bath, or are we hungry?"

Old Harold had had enough of this particular nurse. One day, Old Harold had
breakfast, pulled the juice off the tray, and put it on his bed side stand.
He had been given a urine bottle to fill for testing. The juice was apple juice. So .. you know where the juice went!

The nurse came in a little later, picked up the urine bottle and looked at it. "My, but it seems we are a little cloudy today .."

At this, Old Harold snatched the bottle out of her hand, popped off the top, and drank it down, saying, "Well, I'll run it through again. Maybe I can filter it better this time."

The nurse fainted ...! Old Harold just smiled!


DON'T MESS WITH OLD PEOPLE!!!!





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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 1st November, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 1st November, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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The Lawn
-------------------------

A guy is trying to relax at home, but his wife keeps nagging him to mow the lawn. Finally, in between nags he blurts out, "Answer just this one question for me."

She pauses momentarily, and he takes this opportunity to say, "You know, a Deer, a Cow, and a Horse, all eat grass. But a Deer's excretions are pellets, while a Cow makes flat pies, and a Horse makes clumps...why is that?"

His wife says, "I don't know."

He replies, "Well then, how can you bring up the subject of the lawn, when it's obvious you don't know sh*t?"






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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 29th October, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 29th October, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Grandma's Boyfriend
-------------------------

A 5-year old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. While playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting furniture, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend?" Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can set in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good.

The comedies make me laugh. I'm so happy with my TV as my boyfriend." Grandma turned on the TV and the picture was horrible. She started adjusting the knobs trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting on the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem. The little boy heard the doorbell ring so he hurried to open the door.

When he opened the door, there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, "Hello son is your grandma home?"

The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."




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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 28th October, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 28th October, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Kiss
-------------------------

All Bill asked for was a little good-night kiss, but Anne haughtily rebuffed him with, "I don't do that sort of thing on my first date!"

"Well," Bill replied with sarcasm, "how about on your last date?"




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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 27th October, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 27th October, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Pet Fish
-------------------------

A redneck was stopped by a game warden in Central Mississippi recently with two ice chests full of fish. He was leaving a cove well-known for its fishing.

The game warden asked the man," Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

" Naw, sir" , replied the redneck." I ain't got none of them there licenses. You must understand, these here are my pet fish."

"Pet fish?"

" Yeah. Every night, I take these here fish down to the lake and let" em swim" round for awhile. Then, when I whistle, they jump right back into these here ice chests and I take" em home."

" That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that."

The redneck looked at the warden for a moment and then said," It's the truth Mr. Government Man. I'll show ya. It really works."

" O. K.." , said the warden." I've got to see this!"

The redneck poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited.

After several minutes, the warden says," Well?"

" Well, what?" , says the redneck.

The warden says," When are you going to call them back?"

" Call who back?"

"The FISH" , replied the warden!

" What fish?" , replied the redneck.


Moral of the story: We may not be as smart as some city slickers, but we ain't as dumb as some government employees.




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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 26th October, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 26th October, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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McDonalds
-------------------------

A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a
beer. (In Germany and many parts of Europe, McDonald's actually does serve
beer.) The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him the
jab: "They don't serve BEER here, you MORON!"

The German fellow felt pretty stupid, but suddenly turns to the New Yorker with a surprised look,
and begins to chuckle.

"And what's so funny?!?" the New Yorker demands.

"Oh, nothing really, I just realized that you came here for the food."




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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 25th October, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 25th October, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Ostrich
-------------------------

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.

As he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their orders.

The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the
ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $6.40
please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change
for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "I'll
have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and the ostrich says, "I'll have the
same."

Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes a routine until late one evening, the two enter again.

"The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a
steak, baked potato and salad," says the man, "same for me," says the
ostrich.

A short time later the waitress comes with the order and says, "That will be
$12.62."Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places
it on the table.

The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer.

"Excuse me, sir.How do you manage to always come up with the exact change
out of your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I
found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two
wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would
just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be
there."

"That's brilliant!"says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million
dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long
as you live!"

"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact
money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick
with long legs who agrees with everything I say."






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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 24th October, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 24th October, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Gorilla Removers
-------------------------

A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof.
So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an
ad for "Gorilla Removers."

He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he'll be over
in 30 minutes.

The gorilla remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a
ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.
"What are you going to do," the homeowner asks?

"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to
go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball
bat. When the gorilla falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his
testicles and not let go. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put
him in the cage in the back of the van."

He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.
"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.

"If the gorilla knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog!"






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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 23rd October, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 23rd October, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Bengal Tigers
-------------------------

A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had.

The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gun bearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had fled. The tiger leaped toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I just soiled myself."

The reporter said, "Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same."

The old explorer said, "No, not back then - just now when I went ''''ROARRRR!''''"




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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 22nd October, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 22nd October, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Coming Home Late
-------------------------

A wife begins to get a little worried because her husband
has not arrived home on time from his regular Saturday
afternoon golf game. As the hours pass she becomes more and
more concerned until, at 8 p.m., the husband finally pulls
into the driveway.

"What happened?" asked the wife. "You should have been home
hours ago!"

"Gus had a heart attack at the third hole," replied the
husband.

"Oh, that's terrible," said the wife.

"I know," the husband answered. "All day long it was, hit
the ball, drag Gus, hit the ball, drag Gus . . . "






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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 21st October, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 21st October, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
A Really Bad Day
-------------------------

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."




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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 19th October, 2020

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 19th October, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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My Mother
-------------------------

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week."

4. My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me about the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father."

15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home."

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you."

How many of these did your mother teach? AND how many did you teach your children?





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