Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 31st July, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 31st July, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Watermelons
-------------------------

There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat his watermelons.

After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure.
He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next night, the kids showed up and they saw the sign which read, "Warning! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide."

The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer's sign. When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons were missing, but the sign next to his read, "Now there are two!"





-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20120731

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Monday, July 30, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 30th July, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 30th July, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Bikini
-------------------------

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I
passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least
ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered
buying a bathing suit, so sought my husband's advice.
"What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"

"Better get a bikini," he replied.

"You'd never get it all in one."




-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20120730

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 29th July, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 29th July, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Wooded Ravine
-------------------------

One fine day, Jim and Bob are out golfing. Jim slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball.
The brush is quite thick, but Jim searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball.

Jim calls out to his golfing partner in an agitated voice, "Hey Bob, come here, I got trouble down here."

Bob comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out, "What's the matter Jim?"

Jim shouts back, "Throw me my 7-iron! You can't get out of here with an 8-iron."






-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20120729

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 28th July, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 28th July, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Smart A$$ Professor
-------------------------

Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked
to tell "naughty" stories during class, a
group of female students decided that the
next time he started to tell one, they would
all rise and leave the room in protest. The
professor, however, got wind of their scheme
just before class the following day, so he
bided his time. Then, halfway through the
lecture, he began."They say there is quite a
shortage of prostitutes in France."

The girls looked at one another, arose and
started for the door.

"Young ladies," said
the professor with a broad smile, "the next
plane doesn't leave till tomorrow afternoon."






-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20120728

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Friday, July 27, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 27th July, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 27th July, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Jack Daniels Fishing Story
-------------------------

I went fishing this morning but after a short time I ran out of worms. Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth. Frogs are good bass bait.


Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket.

Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit. So, I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth. His eyes rolled back, he went limp. I released him into the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog.



A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot. It was that snake, with two more frogs.



-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20120727

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 26th July, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 26th July, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Golf Gun
-------------------------

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan
Gonzalez.

"How was he killed?" asked one detective.

"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.

"A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?"

"I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."




-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20120726

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 25th July, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 25th July, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Answers Given By Children
-------------------------

These, are real answers given by children.

Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
********

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A:
Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants
like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists..
********

Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them
perspire.
********

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow.
********

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans? A: The tides are a fight between the
Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there
is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun
joins in this fight.
********

Q: What are steroids? A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
********

Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your
bowels and you get intercontinental.
********

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death.
********

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen). A: The
body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the
abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the
heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A,E,I,O
and U.
********


Q: What is the fibula? A: A small lie.
********


Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby.
********


Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section" A: The Caesarean Section
is a district in Rome.
********


Q: What does the word "benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be after you
be eight.







-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20120725

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 24th July, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 24th July, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
What Happened in Texas?
-------------------------

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately,
the locals had a habit of picking on strangers. So when he finished his
drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar,
handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head and fired a
shot into the ceiling. "WHICH ONE OF YOU SIDEWINDERS STOLE MY HOSS?" he
yelled.

No one answered.

"ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA HAVE ANOTHA' BEER, AND IF MY HOSS AIN'T BACK OUTSIDE
BY THE TIME I FINISH, I'M GONNA DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS! AND I DON'T LIKE
TO HAVE TO DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS!"

Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The cowboy had another beer, walked
outside, and his horse was back! He saddled up and started to ride out of
town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner,
before you go. . .what happened in Texas?"

The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."




-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20120724

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Monday, July 23, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 23rd July, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 23rd July, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Genealogy
-------------------------

Two fellows from Alabama were sitting around talking one afternoon.

After a while the first fellow says to the second, "If'n I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday and make love to your wife while you was off huntin', and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?"

The second fellow crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question. Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about that, but it sure would make us even."




-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20120723

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 21st July, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 21st July, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Tampax
-------------------------

Two young boys walk into a pharmacy one day,
pick out a box of Tampax and proceed to the checkout
counter. The man at the counter asks the older boy,

"Son, how old are you?"


"Eight," the boy replies.


The man continues, "Do you know what these are
used for?


"Not exactly," the boy says. "But they aren't for me.
They're for him.

He's my brother. He's four.

We saw on TV that if you use these you would be
able to swim and ride a bike.

Right now he can't do either one."




-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20120721

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Friday, July 20, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 20th July, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 20th July, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Contractor
-------------------------

A woman hired a contractor to repaint the interior of her house. The woman walked the man through the second floor of her home and told him what colors she wanted for each room. As they walked through the first room, the woman said, "I think I would like this room in a cream color."

The contractor wrote on his clipboard, walked to the window, opened it and yelled out, "Green side up!" He then closed the window and continued following the woman to the next room. The woman looked confused, but proceeded with her tour. "In this room, I was thinking of an off blue." Again, the contractor wrote this down, went to the window, opened it and yelled out, "Green side up!"

This baffled the woman, but she was hesitant to say anything. In the next room, the woman said she would like it painted in a light rose color. And once more, the contractor opened the window and yelled, "Green side up!"

Struck with curiosity, the woman mustered up the nerve to ask, "Why do you keep yelling 'Green side up' out my window every time I tell you the color I would like the room?"

The contractor replied, "Because I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street."




-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20120720

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 19th July, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 19th July, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
The Whole Truth
-------------------------

At school, Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are
hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes
it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth."

Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as
he is greeted by his mother. He says, "I know the
whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't
tell your father."

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and
greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The
father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to
your mother."

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he
sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him
by saying, "I know the whole truth."

The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says,
"Then come give your daddy a great big hug!"





-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20120719

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 18th July, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 18th July, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Blind Man
-------------------------

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."

The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus ... so shut up."




-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20120718

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 17th July, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 17th July, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
The Mightiest
-------------------------

A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean.

He went out and cornered a small monkey, and roared, "Who is mightiest
of all jungle animals?"

The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion!"

Later, the lion confronts an ox and fiercely bellows, "Who is the
mightiest of all jungle animals?"

The terrified ox stammers, "Oh great lion, you are the mightiest
animal in the jungle!"

On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, "Who is
mightiest of all jungle animals?"

Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk,
slams him against a tree half a dozen times leaving the lion feeling
like it'd been run over by a safari wagon.

The elephant then stomps on the lion till it looks like a corn
tortilla and rambles away.

The lion lets out a moan of pain, lifts his head weakly and hollers
after the elephant, "Just because you don't know the answer, you don't
have to get so upset about it!"





-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20120717

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Monday, July 16, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 16th July, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 16th July, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Father Norton
-------------------------

Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an
exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided
he just had to play golf. So... he told the Associate
Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say
Mass for him that day.

As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton
headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away.
This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he
knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was
alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else
was in church!

At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord
while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're
not going to let him get away with this, are you?"

The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not."

Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight
towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and
fell into the hole. It WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!

St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked,
"Why did you let him do that?"

The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?"










-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20120716

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 15th July, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 15th July, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Rooster Replacement
-------------------------

A man was driving down a quiet country lane when out into the road
strayed a rooster. Whack! The rooster disappeared under the car in a
cloud of feathers.

Shaken, the man pulled over at the farmhouse and rang the doorbell. A
farmer appeared. The man somewhat nervously said, "I think I killed
your rooster, please allow me to replace him."

"Suit yourself," the farmer replied, "the hens are round the back."







-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20120715

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 14th July, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 14th July, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Eating Out
-------------------------

This married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the
wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken
stupor.

The husband asks "I notice you've been watching that man for some
time now. Do you know him?"

"Yes" she replies. "He's my ex-husband and has been drinking like
that since I left him seven years ago."

"That's remarkable" the husband replies. "I wouldn't think
anybody could celebrate that long."





-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20120714

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Friday, July 13, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 13th July, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 13th July, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Just Fred
-------------------------

A cop stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit.
Since he's in a good mood that day he decides he might give the fellow a
break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket.

So, he asks the man his name.

"Fred," the driver replies.

"Fred what?" the officer asks.

"Just Fred," the man responds.

When the officer presses him for a last name, the man tells him that he
used to have a last name but lost it.

The officer thinks he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with
it.

"Tell me Fred, how did you lose your last name?"

The man replies, "It's a long story so stay with me. I was born Fred
Dingaling. I know, funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the
time. So I stayed to myself. I studied hard and got good grades.

"When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went
through college medical school, internship, residency, finally got my
degree so I was Fred Dingaling, MD.

"After a while I got bored being a doctor so I decided to go back to
school. Dentistry was my dream. Got all the way through school, got my
degree so I was now Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS.

"Got bored doing dentistry so I started fooling around with my
assistant. She gave me VD. So, I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS with VD.

Well, the ADA found out about the VD so they took away my DDS so I was
Fred Dingaling MD with VD.

Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the
VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD.

Then the VD took away my dingaling . . . so now I'm just Fred."

The officer walked away in tears, laughing.





-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20120713

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 12th July, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 12th July, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Why Men Wear Earrings
-------------------------

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.

This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow and is curious about his sudden change in 'fashion sense.'

The man walks up to him and says, 'I didn't know you were into earrings.'

'Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring,' he replies sheepishly.

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"

"Ever since my wife found it in my car."

(I always wondered how this trend got started.)




-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20120712

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 11th July, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 11th July, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Focus Please
-------------------------

There were these twin sisters just turning one hundred years old in a
nursing home and the editor of the local newspaper, "The Distorter",
told a photographer to get over there and take the pictures of these
100 year old twin bitteys.

One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite
well.

The photographer asked them to sit on the sofa and the deaf one said
to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY?" "HE SAID, WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON
THE SOFA!", said the other.

"Now get a little closer together", said the cameraman. Again, "WHAT
DID HE SAY?" "HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE!" So they wiggled up
close to each other.

"Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got to focus a little", said the
photographer. Yet again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?" "HE SAYS HE'S JUST GONNA
FOCUS!"

With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out, "OH MY GOD - BOTH OF US?"




-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20120711

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 10th July, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 10th July, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Ten Times Normal
-------------------------

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "What human body
part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"

No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, "You should not be
asking sixth-graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and
they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!"

Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part
increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"
Little Mary's mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, "Boy, is
she going to get in big trouble!"

The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?"
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part
that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."

Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and continued. "As
for you, young lady, I have three things to say:
One, you have a dirty mind.
Two, you didn't read your homework.
And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed."






-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20120710

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Monday, July 9, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 9th July, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 9th July, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Bob's Annual Review:
-------------------------

1. Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2. hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
3. wasting company time talking to colleagues.Bob never
4. thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5. finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6. measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7. breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8. vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9. knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10. classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
11. dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12. promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13. executed as soon as possible.

Addendum: That idiot was standing over my shoulder while
I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only
the odd lines.




-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20120709

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 8th July, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 8th July, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Learning From Teachers
-------------------------

Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good...mostly A's and a couple of B's.

However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."

Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother."




-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20120708

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 7th July, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 7th July, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Subject: Land title FHA
-------------------------

Part of rebuilding New Orleans causes residents to often be challenged with the task of tracing home titles back potentially hundreds of years.

With a community rich with history stretching back over two centuries, houses have been passed along through generations of family, sometimes making it quite difficult to establish ownership.

Here's a great letter an attorney wrote to the FHA on behalf of a client; You've got to love this lawyer......

A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply.



(Actual letter):

"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."

Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows (actual letter):

"Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased, by the U.S., from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application.

For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France , which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain . The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Isabella. The good queen, Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus ' expedition.

Now the Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana . God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back, to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it AND the FHA. I hope you find God's original claim to be satisfactory.

Now, may we have our loan?"






-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20120707

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 5th July, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 5th July, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Anniversary Gift
-------------------------

Eddie was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE".

The next morning Eddie got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a small box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Funeral services for Eddie have been scheduled for Friday.




-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20120705

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 4th July, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 4th July, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Housework Challenged
-------------------------

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.

Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What
setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."



-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20120704

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Monday, July 2, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 2nd July, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 2nd July, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Newlyweds
-------------------------

A week after their marriage, the Redneck newlyweds paid a visit to their doctor...
"I can't figure it out doc, and I'm really worried," said the husband.
"My testicles are turning blue."

"That's pretty unusual," said the doctor. "Let me examine you."

The doctor takes a look. Sure enough, the Redneck's testicles are blue.
The doctor turns to the wife. "Are you using the diaphragm that I
prescribed?"

"Yes, I am," she replied.

"And what kind of jelly are you using with it?"

"Grape"



-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20120702

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 1st July, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 1st July, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Two Blondes and a Sod Truck...
-------------------------

Two blondes were sipping their Starbucks when
a truck went past loaded up with rolls of sod.

"I'm going to do that when I win the lottery,"
announced Blonde #1.

"Do what?" asked Blonde #2.

"Send my lawn out to be mowed."



-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20120701

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml