Friday, September 30, 2011

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 30th September, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 30th September, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Guardian Angel
-------------------------

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice.
"Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick
will fall down on your head and kill you."

The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of
him. The man was astonished.

He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the
road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still!
If you take one more step a car will run over you and
you will die."

The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came
careening around the corner, barely missing him. "Where
are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"

"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.

"Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the hell were you
when I got married?"

-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20110930

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 29th September, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 29th September, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Cowboy Logic
-------------------------

There is no arguing with cowboy logic. The Sierra Club and the US Forest
Service were presenting an alternative to Wyoming ranchers for
controlling the coyote population. It seems that after years of the
ranchers using the tried and true methods of shooting and/or trapping the
predator, the tree-huggers had a "more humane" solution. What they
proposed was for the animals to be captured alive, the male castrated and
let loose again and the population would be controlled.

This was ACTUALLY proposed to the Wyoming Wool and Sheep Grower's
Association by the Sierra Club and the USFS. All of the ranchers thought
about this amazing idea for a couple of minutes.

Finally, an old boy in the in the back stood up, tipped his hat back and
said, "Son, I don't think you understand the problem. Those coyotes ain't
f*ckin' our sheep, they're eatin' 'em.


-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20110929

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 28th September, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 28th September, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Living Will
-------------------------

Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

She got up, unplugged the TV and then threw out my beer.

Bitch...


-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20110928

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 27th September, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 27th September, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
IRS Genie
-------------------------

A man has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His camel dies of
thirst. He's crawling through the sands,certain that he has breathed his last,
when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards
ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers
what looks to be an old brief case.

He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie. He is wearing
an IRS ID badge and dull gray suit. There's a calculator in his pocket. He has
a pencil tucked behind one ear.

"Well, kid," says the genie. "You know how it works. You have three wishes."

"I'm not falling for this." says the man. "I'm not going to trust an IRS
agent."

"You might as well it looks like your a goner anyway."

The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right.

"OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plentiful food and drink."

***POOF*** The man finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen
and he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

"OK, kid, what's your second wish."

"My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams."

***POOF*** The man finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare
gold coins and
precious gems.

"OK, kid, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"

After thinking for a few minutes, the man says: "I wish that no matter where I
go beautiful women will want and need me."

***POOF*** He is turned into a tampon.


The moral of the story?

If the IRS offers you anything, there's going to be a string attached.

-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20110927

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 25th September, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 25th September, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Honest
-------------------------

An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. She began to interview young lawyers.

"As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Peterson, are you an honest lawyer?"

"Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me $15,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case."

"Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"

The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He sued me for the money."


-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20110925

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 24th September, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 24th September, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Newlyweds
-------------------------

A week after their marriage, the Redneck newlyweds paid a visit to their doctor...
"I can't figure it out doc, and I'm really worried," said the husband.
"My testicles are turning blue."

"That's pretty unusual," said the doctor. "Let me examine you."

The doctor takes a look. Sure enough, the Redneck's testicles are blue.
The doctor turns to the wife. "Are you using the diaphragm that I
prescribed?"

"Yes, I am," she replied.

"And what kind of jelly are you using with it?"

"Grape"

-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20110924

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Friday, September 23, 2011

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 23rd September, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 23rd September, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Deep Thoughts
-------------------------

Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive, anyway.

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

If FED EX and UPS were to merge, would they call it EF'D UP?

Everyone has a photographic memory; it's just that some of us are out of film.

How much deeper would the oceans be without sponges?

If quitters never win and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while your ahead"?!

If a deaf kid swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

What would a chair look like, if your knees bent the other way?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?


-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20110923

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 22nd September, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 22nd September, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Police Stop at 2 AM
-------------------------


An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where
he is going at this time of night.

The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the
effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out
late."

The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of
night?"

The man replies, "That would be my wife."

Don't take life too seriously..........no one makes it out alive anyway!!!

-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20110922

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 21st September, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 21st September, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Top Ten Signs Your Team Won't Be Winning The NCAA Basketball Championship
-------------------------

10. Your top player scores 20 points a game, but most of them are in the wrong basket.

9. You spend most of the game guarding the mascot.

8. Some of the players joined the team for the free headbands.

7. Instead of drinking Gatorade, team uses timeouts to moisturize.

6. Typical motivational speech: "Let's hurry this up so we can shower."

5. The scorekeeper doesn't bother to turn on your half of the scoreboard.

4. In your region: North Carolina, Duke and the '98 Chicago Bulls.

3. You lead the conference in nosebleeds.

2. Team refuses to attend game because they don't want to miss a new episode of The George Lopez Show.

1. Players ask themselves, "What would the Knicks do?"


-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20110921

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 20th September, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 20th September, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
New Company Policy
-------------------------

When the wise company president learned that his employees were tanking up
on no-trace vodka martinis during their lunch hours, he issued the
following memo:

To all employees; If you must drink during you lunch
hours, please drink whiskey. It is better for our customers to know you're
drunk than to think you're stupid.

-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20110920

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Monday, September 19, 2011

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 19th September, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 19th September, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Bathtub
-------------------------

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started.

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director what the criterion was that defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No," said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a room with or without a view?"

-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20110919

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 18th September, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 18th September, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Broken Lawn Mower
-------------------------

Last year, when the power mower was broken and wouldn't run, I kept
hinting to my husband that he ought to get it fixed, but somehow the
message never sank in. Finally I thought of a clever way to make the
point.

When my husband arrived home that day, he found me seated in the
tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.

He watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
He was gone only a few moments when he came out again. He handed me a
toothbrush. "When you finish cutting the grass," he said, "you might
as well sweep the sidewalks."


-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20110918

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 17th September, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 17th September, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Father
-------------------------

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and
noticed he had his collar on backwards.

The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way. The man, who was
a priest, said, " I am a Father."

The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that."

The priest looked up from his book and answered, "I am the Father of
many."

The boy said, "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two
grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way."

The priest, getting impatient, said, "I am the Father of hundreds" and
went back to reading his book.

The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and
said,"Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your
collar."

-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20110917

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Friday, September 16, 2011

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 16th September, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 16th September, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Bricks
-------------------------

Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open
window. Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door. Leave
them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyse the situation.

If they are counting the bricks. Put them in the accounts department.

If they are recounting them. Put them in auditing.

If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks. Put them in
engineering.

If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order. Put them in planning.

If they are throwing the bricks at each other. Put them in operations.

If they are sleeping. Put them in security.

If they have broken the bricks into pieces. Put them in information technology.

If they are sitting idle. Put them in human resources.

If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been
moved. Put them in sales.

If they have already left for the day. Put them in marketing.

If they are staring out of the window. Put them on strategic planning.

And then last but not least.

If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved,
congratulate them and put them in Executive Management.


-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20110916

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 15th September, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 15th September, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Long Cold Winter
-------------------------

It was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.

Since he was a Chief in a modern society he had never been taught he old secrets.

When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.

But being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"

"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.

So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.

A week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?"

"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."

The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later the Chief called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"

"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever."

"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.

The weatherman replied, "We're sure it's going to be cold because the Indians are collecting firewood like crazy!"

-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20110915

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 14th September, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 14th September, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Aging with a Smile
-------------------------

Any woman can have the body of a 21-year-old, as long as she buys him a few
drinks first.

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as
it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

I've still got it, but nobody wants to see it.

I'm getting into swing dancing.. Not on purpose. Some parts of my body are
just prone to swinging.

It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.

I think I've reached my sexpiration date.

People our age can still enjoy an active, passionate sex life! Provided we
get cable or that dish thing.

The good news is that even as we get older, guys still look at our boobs.
The bad news is they have to squat down first.

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."

I've tried to find a suitable exercise video for women my age, but they
haven't made one called "Buns of Putty."

Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child
playing with matches.

Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.

Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old
because you stop laughing.

-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20110914

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 13th September, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 13th September, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
The Dentist
-------------------------

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to
go to the girl's place.

A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.

He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again.

The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist."

The guy, surprised, says "Yes! How did you figure that out?"

"Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands."

One thing led to another and they make love.

After they have done, the girl says, "You must be a good dentist."

The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm a good dentist, How did
you figure that out?"

"Didn't feel a thing!"

-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20110913

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Monday, September 12, 2011

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 12th September, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 12th September, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Catsup
-------------------------

Little Johnny's mother was trying hard to get the
catsup to come out of the bottle. During her
struggle the phone rang so she asked four-year old
Johnny to answer the phone.

Little Johnny ran out into the living room and
answered the phone. "Mommy, It's the minister,"
he said to his mother.

From the kitchen Johnny's mom said, "Tell him I'll
call him back."

Little Johnny spoke into the phone saying, "Mommy
can't come to the phone to talk to you right now.
She's hitting the bottle."

-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20110912

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 11th September, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 11th September, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Modern Medicine
-------------------------

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never
been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into
her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she
prepared tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister
noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with
water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned
with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his
curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it
got the better of him and he could no longer resist.

"Miss Beatrice", he said. "I wonder if you would tell me about this?"
pointing to the bowl.

"Oh, yes" she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the
park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The
directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would
prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all
winter?"

-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20110911

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 10th September, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 10th September, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Generosity
-------------------------

A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor.
"I feel really good today. I started out this
morning with an act of unselfish generosity.
I gave a twenty dollar bill to a bum."

"You gave a bum twenty whole dollars? That's
a lot of money to just give away. What did your
husband say about it?"

"Oh, he thought it was the proper thing to
do. He said, 'Thanks.'"


-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20110910

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Friday, September 9, 2011

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 9th September, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 9th September, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Three Nuns
-------------------------

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven.
At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter.
He says, 'Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be.

The first nun says, 'I want to be Sophia Loren and *poof* she's gone.

The second says, 'I want to be Madonna and *poof* she's gone.

The third says, 'I want to be Sara Pipalini..'

St. Peter looks perplexed. 'Who?' he ask

'Sara Pipalini,' replies the nun.

St. Peter shakes his head and says, 'I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't
Ring a bell.'

The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter.
St Peter reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and
Says.

'No sister, the paper says it was the ' Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by
1,400 men in 6 months.'

If you laugh, you're going straight to hell!

-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20110909

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 8th September, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 8th September, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Farmer John
-------------------------

Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The
traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a
rate of three to six a day.

So one day Farmer John called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about all of these people driving so
fast and killing all of my chickens."

"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.

"I don't care, just do something about those crazy drivers!" So the next
day he had the county workers go out and erected a sign that said:
SLOW--SCHOOL CROSSING

Three days later Farmer John called the sheriff and said, "You've got to
do something about these drivers. The 'school
crossing' sign seems to make them go even faster."

So, again, the sheriff sends out the county
workers and they put up a new
sign: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY

That really sped them up. So Farmer John called
and called and called every day for three weeks. Finally, he asked the
sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good. Can I put up my own sign?"

The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign." He was going to let the Farmer
John do just about anything in order to get him to stop calling everyday to
complain.

The sheriff got no more calls from Farmer John.
Three weeks later, curiosity got the best of the sheriff and he decided to
give Farmer John a call. "How's the problem with those drivers. Did you
put up your sign?"

"Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed
since then. I've got to go. I'm very busy." He hung up the phone.

The sheriff was really curious now and he thought
to himself, "I'd better go out there and take a look at that sign... it
might be something that WE could use to slow down drivers..." So the sheriff
drove out to Farmer John's house, and his jaw dropped the moment he saw the
sign. It was spray-painted on a sheet of wood:

NUDIST COLONY


GO SLOW AND WATCH OUT FOR THE CHICKS

-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20110908

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 7th September, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 7th September, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Childhood Sweethearts
-------------------------

An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married & settled down
in their old neighborhood.

To celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary they walk down to their old
school. There, they hold hands as they find the desk they shared & where he
had carved "I love you, Sally".

On their way back home, a bag of money falls out of an armoured car
practically at their feet. She quickly picks it up, & they don't know what
to do with it so they take it home. There, she counts the money, & its
fifty-thousand dollars.

The husband says: "We've got to give it back".

She says, "Finders keepers" & puts the money back in the bag & hides it up
in their attic.

The next day, two FBI men are going from door-to-door in the neighbourhood
looking for the money show up at their home.

One knocks on the door & says: "Pardon me, but did either of you find any
money that fell out of an armoured car yesterday?"

She says: "No"..

The husband says: "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic."

She says: "Don't believe him, he's getting senile."

But the agents sit the man down & begin to question him.

One says: "Tell us the story from the beginning."

The old man says: "Well, when Sally & I were walking home from school
yesterday ..."

At this, the FBI guy looks at his partner & says: "We're outta here ..."


-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20110907

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 6th September, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 6th September, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Assertiveness
-------------------------

A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife so
he went to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist said he needed to build
his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he
read on the way home. He had finished the book by the time he reached
his house.

The man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife. Pointing a
finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I
am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare
me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I
expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're
going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my
bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

"The funeral director," said his wife.

-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20110906

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Monday, September 5, 2011

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 5th September, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 5th September, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Lawyer at the Pearly Gates
-------------------------

A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he suddenly found himself at the Gates of Heaven.

St. Peter started to escort him inside, when he began to protest that his untimely death had to be some sort of mistake. "I'm much too young to die! I'm only 35!"

St. Peter agreed that 35 did seem to be a bit young to be entering the pearly gates, and agreed to check on his case.

After investigating, he told the attorney, "I'm afraid that their is no mistake my son...

We verified your age on the basis of the number of hours you've billed to your clients, and you're at least 108 years old!"


-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20110905

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 4th September, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 4th September, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Groups of Animals
-------------------------

The English language has some wonderfully anthropomorphic collective nouns for the various groups of animals.
We are all familiar with a Herd of cows, a Flock of chickens, a School of fish and a Gaggle of geese.

However, less widely known is a Pride of lions, a Murder of crows (as well as their cousins the rooks and ravens), an Exaltation of doves and, presumably because they look so wise, a Parliament of owls.
Now consider a group of Baboons. They are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious, most viciously aggressive and least intelligent of all primates.

And what is the proper collective noun for a group of baboons?????

Believe it or not ....... a Congress , that much explains the things that come out of Washington.

-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20110904

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 3rd September, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 3rd September, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
The Bell Part II
-------------------------

The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame.

The first man to approach him said, "Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honour his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty."

The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and, as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest, twirled around, and died on the spot.

Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief of this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side.

"What has happened? Who is the man?" the first monk asked breathlessly.

"I don't know his name", sighed the distraught bishop, but............."

HE'S A DEAD RINGER FOR HIS BROTHER


-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20110903

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 1st September, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 1st September, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
C-141
-------------------------

A US Air Force C-141 was scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight. During the pilot's preflight check, he discovered that the aircraft's latrine holding tank was still full from the last flight. So a message was sent to the base, and an airman who was off duty is called out to take care of it.

The young man finally got to the air base and made his way to the aircraft, only to find that the latrine pump truck had been left outdoors and was frozen solid, so he had to find another one in the hangar, which takes even more time. He returned to the aircraft and was less than enthusiastic about what he had to do. Nevertheless, he went about the pumping job deliberately and carefully (and slowly) so as to not risk criticism later.

As he's left the plane, the pilot stopped him and said, "Son, your attitude and performance has caused this flight to be late, and I'm going to personally see to it that you are not just reprimanded, but punished."

Shivering in the cold, his task finished, the airman took a deep breath, stood up tall and said, "Sir, with all due respect, I'm not your son; I'm an Airman in the United States Air Force. I've been in Thule, Greenland for 11 months without any leave, and the reindeer are beginning to look pretty good to me. I have one stripe, it's two-thirty in the morning, the temperature is 40 degrees below zero and my job here is to pump sh*t from your aircraft. Now just exactly what form of punishment did you have in mind?"


-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20110901

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml