Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 30th June, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 30th June, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Just Married
-------------------------

Fred and Mary get married but couldn't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's house for their first night together. In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, 'No'.

Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'

His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school.'

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom,'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'

She replies, 'No.' Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'

His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school .'

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again,'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'

His mom says, 'No.'

He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'

His mom replies, 'Ok, now tell me what you think?'

He says: 'Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think... I gave him my airplane glue....

-------------------------
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Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 29th June, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 29th June, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Six Indisputable Truths For Life
-------------------------

1. You cannot stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same time.

2. All idiots, after reading #1 will try it.

3. And they will discover that #1 is a lie.

4. You are smiling now, because you are an idiot.

5. You will soon be forwarding this to another idiot.

6. There is still a stupid smile on your face.

.....I apologize about this, but I'm an idiot, and I needed company......

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Monday, June 28, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 28th June, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 28th June, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
The Great Writer
-------------------------

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.

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Saturday, June 26, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 26th June, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 26th June, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Before the Fight Starts
-------------------------

A guy runs into a bar all out of breath. He says to the bartender, "Quick, give me a drink before the fight starts".

The bartender pours him a drink, the guy gulps in down, runs to the door, looks left and right, then runs back to the bar and says, "Quick, give me a another drink before the fight starts".

The bartender pours him another drink, he gulps it down, then runs to the door and once again looks to the left and then to the right, then comes back to the bar and says, "Quick, give me a another drink before the fight starts".

The bartender pours the drink, then says, "What fight are you talking about"?

The guy says, "The fight between you and me. I can't pay for the drinks".

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Friday, June 25, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 25th June, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 25th June, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Life's Observations
-------------------------

1. Marriage changes passion; suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

2. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea."

3. I have my own little world. But it's OK, they know me here.

4. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

5. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

6. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.

7. The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

8. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

9. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a couple of bucks at the bowling alley.

10. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.

11. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

12. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

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-------------------------

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Thursday, June 24, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 24th June, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 24th June, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
How the Media Twists the News...
-------------------------

A biker is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage.

Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside the cage, under the eyes of her screaming parents.
The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square in the eye with a powerful punch.
Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.
A New York Times reporter has watched the whole event.

The reporter, addressing the biker says, "Sir, that was the bravest and most gallant thing I have ever witnessed in my whole life."

The biker replies, "It was nothing, really ... the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right."

The reporter says, "Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist from the New York Times, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front
page. So, let me get some details:"What do you do for a living?"

The biker replied, "I'm a United States Marine."

"And what is your political affiliation?"

"I'm a Republican."

The journalist leaves, again promising a front page story.

The following morning the biker buys a copy of the Times to see if it indeed
brings news of his actions, and reads, on front page:

"U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH"

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-------------------------

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Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 23rd June, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 23rd June, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Blonde Goes On Who Wants To Be A Millionaire
-------------------------

Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend.

The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?"

Barbara: "Sure, I'll have a go!"

Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest?

Is it........

A-Robin

B-Sparrow

C-Cuckoo

D-Thrush

Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars."

"I think I know who it..but I'm not 100%...

No, I haven't got a clue. I'd like to phone a friend Regis, just to be sure.

Regis: "Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?

Barbara: "I'll phone my friend Maggie back home in Birmingham."

(ringing)

Maggie (also a blonde): "Hello..."

Regis: "Hello Maggie, its Regis here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire-I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on $500,000, but needs your help to be a Million.

The next voice you hear will be Barbara's and she'll read you the question.

There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and you have 30 seconds to answer -- fire away Barbara."

Barbara: "Maggie, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it:

A-Robin

B-Sparrow

C-Cuckoo

D-Thrush"

Maggie: "Oh Gees, Barbara that's simple.....It's a Cuckoo."

Barbara: "You think?"

Maggie: "I'm sure."

Barbara: " Thanks Maggie." (hangs up)

Regis: "Well, do you want to stick on $500,000 or play on for the Million, Barbara?"

Barbara: "I want to play, I'll go with C-Cuckoo"

Regis: "Is that your final answer?"

Barbara: "It is."

Regis: "Are you confident?"

Barbara: "Yes fairly, Maggie's a sound bet."

Regis: "Barbara.....you had $500,000 and you said C-Cuckoo ...you're right! - You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS.

Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara."

(clapping)

That night Barbara calls round to Maggie and brings her down to a local bar for a celebration drink and, as they are sipping their Champagne, Barbara turns to Maggie and asks "Tell me Maggie, How in God's name did you know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest?

Maggie: "Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a clock."

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-------------------------

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Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 22nd June, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 22nd June, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Generous Lawyer
-------------------------

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

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-------------------------

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Monday, June 21, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 21st June, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 21st June, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Get Out Of The Car
-------------------------

(This is supposedly a true account recorded in the Police Log of Sarasota, Florida) An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!" The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee, and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat. A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake. The sergeant to whom she told the
story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun. No charges were filed. Moral of the story? If you're going to have a senior moment...make it memorable.

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-------------------------

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Sunday, June 20, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 20th June, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 20th June, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
The Candle
-------------------------

Mrs. Donovan was walking down
O'Connell Street in Dublin when
she met up with Father Flaherty.

Aren't ye Mrs.. Donovan
and didn't I marry ye and yer
hoosband two years ago?'

She replied, 'Aye, that ye did, Father.'

The Father asked, 'And be there
any wee little ones yet?'

She replied, 'No, not yet, Father.'

The Father said, 'Well now,
I'm going to Rome next week
and I'll light a candle for ye
and yer hoosband.'

She replied, 'Oh, thank ye, Father.'
They then parted ways.

Some years later they met again.
The Father asked, 'Well now,
Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?'

She replied, 'Oh, very well, Father!'

The Father asked, 'And tell me ,
have ye any wee ones yet?'

She replied, 'Oh yes, Father!
Two sets of twins and six singles,
ten in all!'


The Father said, 'That's wonderful!
How is yer loving hoosband doing?'

She replied, 'E's gone to Rome
to blow out yer f**kin' candle.'

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-------------------------

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Saturday, June 19, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 19th June, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 19th June, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Doc, I'm in a Hurry
-------------------------

A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office. The man said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one heck of a hurry. I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anesthetic, I don't have time for the gums to get numb. I just want you to pull the tooth, and be done with it! We have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and it's 9:30 already... I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!'

The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain." So the dentist asks him, "Which tooth is it sir?"

The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth Honey, and show him.........

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-------------------------

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Friday, June 18, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 18th June, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 18th June, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Are You Really Sure?
-------------------------

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."

Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of us is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

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-------------------------

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Thursday, June 17, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 17th June, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 17th June, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Divorce Court
-------------------------

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.

"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"

"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."

He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"

"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."

"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."

"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"

"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"

"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me!"

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-------------------------

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Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 16th June, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 16th June, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
The Shredder
-------------------------

A young executive is working late one evening. As he
comes out of his office about 8 PM he sees the Big
Boss standing by the shredder in the hallway, a piece
of paper in his hand. "Do you know how to work this thing?"
the older man asks. "My secretary's gone home and I don't know how to run it."

"Yes, sir," says the young executive, who turns on the machine,
takes the paper from the other man, and feeds it in.

"Now," says his boss, "I just need the one copy."

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-------------------------

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Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 15th June, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 15th June, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Getting Old
-------------------------

1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

5. You hear your favourite song in an elevator.

6. You watch the Weather Channel.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up."

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."

10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won't turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You take naps.

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.

19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacids, not condoms and pregnancy tests.

20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good sh*t."

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

22. "I just can't drink the way I use to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."

23. 90% of the time you spend in from of a computer is for real work.

24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking "Oh sh*t, what the hell happened?"

BONUS:

26. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you & can't find one to save your sorry old butt.

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-------------------------

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Monday, June 14, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 14th June, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 14th June, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Growing Old
-------------------------

Some people grow old gracefully, while others fight and scratch the whole way. Andy's wife, refusing to give in to the looks of growing old, goes out and buys a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger.

After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asks her husband, "Darling, honestly, if you didn't know me, what age would you say I am"?

Looking over her carefully, Andy replied, "Judging from your skin, 20; your hair, 18; your eyes, 16 and your figure, 25."

"Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed.

Just as she was about to tell Andy his reward, he stops her by saying, "Whoa, hold on there sweetie! I haven't added them up yet!"

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-------------------------

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Sunday, June 13, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 13th June, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 13th June, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Marriage
-------------------------

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Lee Majors

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Al Gore

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Mike Tyson

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
George Clooney

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Bill Clinton

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
George W. Bush

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Rudy Giuliani

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
Michael Jordan

"I've had bad luck with all my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't." The third gave me more children!
Donald Trump

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Shaquille O'Neal

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Kobe Bryant

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
David Hasselhoff

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Alec Baldwin

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Barack Obama

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Tommy Lee

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Brad Pitt

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Jimmy Kimmel

"Honey, what happened to 'ladies first'?" Husband replies, "That's the reason why the world's a mess today, because a lady went first!"
David Letterman

"First there's the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding ring...soon after....comes Suffer...ing!
Jay Leno

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-------------------------

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Friday, June 11, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 11th June, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 11th June, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Is That Your Husband?
-------------------------

After a night of making love the guy rolls over and says, "That's the best sex I've ever had!" Then he notices a picture of a man on the night stand, so he began to worry.

"Is that your husband?"

"No silly," she replied as she snuggled to him.

"Your boyfriend then?"

"No, not at all," she said as she nibbled at his ear.

"Well, who is he then?" the bewildered man demanded.

Calmly the girl replied, "That's me before the surgery..."


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-------------------------

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Thursday, June 10, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 10th June, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 10th June, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Laws We All Live Under...
-------------------------

1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch & you'll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal & someone always answers.

5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet & who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies & stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness & cost of the carpet or rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.

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-------------------------

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Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 9th June, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 9th June, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Hospital Chart Bloopers
-------------------------

HOSPITAL CHART BLOOPERS
(Actual writings from hospital charts)

1 . The patient refused autopsy.

2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

6. On the second day, the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

8 The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

14. The skin was moist and dry.

15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for p hy sical therapy.

20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

25. Patient has two normal teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

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-------------------------

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Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 8th June, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 8th June, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Used Car
-------------------------

It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car. He stopped and asked them if they were stealing the car.
They said "Heavens no, we bought it."

He said, "Then why don't you drive it away".

Each of the women said "We can't drive".

The officer momentarily shook his head and then asked "Then why did you buy it?"

They answered, "We were told if we bought a car here, we'd get screwed, so we are just waiting.

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Monday, June 7, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 7th June, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 7th June, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Killing Flies
-------------------------

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Hunting Flies." He responded.

"Oh! Are you killing any?" She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked ..... "How can you tell them apart?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

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-------------------------

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Sunday, June 6, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 6th June, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 6th June, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Generous Students
-------------------------

Two college students, Frank and Matt, are riding on a New York City subway when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change.

Frank adamantly rejects the man in disgust.

Matt, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a couples of singles and gladly hands them over to the beggar with a smile.

The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues on to the other passengers.

Frank is outraged by his friend's act of generosity.

What on earth did you do that for? shouts Frank. You know he's only going to use it on drugs or booze.

Matt replies, And we weren't?


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-------------------------

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Saturday, June 5, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 5th June, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 5th June, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Old Biker
-------------------------

One Sunday morning an old biker entered
a church just before services were to begin.

Although the old man and his clothes were
spotlessly clean, he wore jeans, a denim shirt
and boots that were very worn and ragged.
In his hand he carried a worn out old leather
jacket and an equally worn out bible.

The church he entered was in a very upscale
and exclusive part of the city. It was the largest
and most beautiful church the old biker had ever
seen.

The people of the congregation were all dressed
with expensive clothes and accessories. As the
biker took a seat, the others moved away from him.
No one greeted, spoke to, or welcomed him.
They were all appalled at his appearance and
did not attempt to hide it.

The preacher gave a long sermon about Hellfire and
brimstone and a stern lecture on how much money
the church needed to do God's work. As the old biker
was leaving the church, the preacher approached
him and asked the biker to do him a favor. "Before
you come back in here again, have a talk with God
and ask him what He thinks would be appropriate
attire for worship."

The old biker assured the preacher he would.

The next Sunday, he showed back up for the services
wearing the same ragged jeans, shirt, boots, and
leather jacket.

Once again he was completely shunned and ignored.

The preacher approached the man and said, "I thought
I asked you to speak to God before you came back t
o our church."

"I did," replied the old biker. "

"If you spoke to God, what did he tell you the proper
attire should be for worshiping in here?" asked the
preacher.

"Well, sir, God told me that He didn't have a clue what
I should wear. He says He's never been here before."

-------------------------
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-------------------------

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Friday, June 4, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 4th June, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 4th June, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
The Power Of Positive Thinking
-------------------------

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said:
"Two Prostitutes -- $50.00."

A policeman seeing the sign stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign
Or go to jail.

Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying:
"JESUS SAVES."

One of the girls asked the officer,
"How come you don't stop them?!"

"Well, that's a little different; the officer smiled "Their sign pertains to religion."

So the two ladies of the night frowned as they took their sign down and drove off.

The following day found the same police officer in the area when he noticed the two ladies
driving around with a large sign on their car again.

Figuring he had an easy bust , he began to catch up with them when he noticed the new sign which now read:

"Two Fallen Angels
Seeking Peter -- $50.00."

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-------------------------

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Thursday, June 3, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 3rd June, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 3rd June, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
No Viagra Necessary
-------------------------

An embarrassed man goes to see his doctor after several frustrating nights with his wife. "I have a sexual problem, doc, I can't get it up for my wife anymore," he mumbles. "I think I may need Viagra or something."

The doctor replies, "Don't get ahead of yourself Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do."

The next day the worried man returns with his wife. "Take off your clothes, Mrs. Thomas," the doctor says. "Now turn all the way around. Lie down, please. Uh-huh, I see. OK, you may put your clothes back on."

The doctor takes the husband aside and says, "You're in perfect health. Your wife didn't give me an erection either."

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-------------------------

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Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 2nd June, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 2nd June, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
The Human Race
-------------------------

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?"

The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made.."

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."

The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"

The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."


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Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 1st June, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 1st June, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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How to Stop the Church Gossip
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Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extracurricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon..

She emphatically told Frank (and several others) that every one seeing it there WOULD KNOW WHAT HE WAS DOING !

Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing....


Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house ... walked home ...and left it there all night.

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Amazon.com
Online shopping from the earth's biggest selection of books, magazines,
music, DVDs, videos, electronics, computers, software, apparel & accessories,
shoes, jewelry, housewares, furniture, sporting goods, beauty & personal care,
just about anything else.
Shop at Amazon!
http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=jokeswareh-20

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20100601

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