Friday, November 30, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 30th November, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 30th November, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Anniversaries
-------------------------

Who said men don't remember anniversaries?

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room,

"Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from is coffee,

"Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.

The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive.

"Yes I do," she replies.

The husband paused. The words were not coming easily.

"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?"

Yes, I remember," said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued.

"Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?"

"I remember that too" she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said..."I would have gotten out today."





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Thursday, November 29, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 29th November, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 29th November, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Alabama Quarter
-------------------------

Hang on to any of the new State of Alabama quarters. If you
have them; they may be worth much more than 25 cents.

The U.S. Treasury announced today that it is recalling all
of the Alabama quarters that are part of its program
featuring quarters from each state.

"We are recalling all the new Alabama quarters that were
recently issued," Treasury Undersecretary Jack Shackleford
said Monday. "This action is being taken after numerous
reports that the new quarters will not work in parking
meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay phones, or other
coin-operated devices."

The quarters were issued in the order in which the various
states joined the U.S. and have been a tremendous success
among coin collectors worldwide.

"The problem lies in the unique design of the Alabama
quarter, which was created by an Auburn University
graduate," Shackleford said. "Apparently, the duct tape
holding the two dimes and the nickel together keeps jamming
the coin-operated devices."




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Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 28th November, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 28th November, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Cops with a Sense of Humor
-------------------------

Who says cops don't have a sense of humor? The following were taken off of actual police car videos around the country.

"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."

"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh ... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."

"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

"Just how big were those two beers?"

"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."





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Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 27th November, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 27th November, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Dog in Heat
-------------------------

A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?

Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat."

"What's that mean?" asked the child.

"Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."

The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you."

Dad said, "Bring Belle over here."

He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it and said, "Okay, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time around the block."
The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.

Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"

The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home."






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Monday, November 26, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 26th November, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 26th November, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
The Buffalo Theory
-------------------------

A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.

This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.

In this way regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers, and that's why beer is so GOOD for you!




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Saturday, November 24, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 24th November, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 24th November, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Notice to All EMS Personnel
-------------------------

From: Chief of Operations
Subject: Proper Narrative Descriptions

It has come to our attention from several emergency rooms that many EMS
narratives have taken a decidedly creative direction lately. Effective
immediately, all members are to refrain from using slang and abbreviations
to describe patients, such as the following.

a.. Cardiac patients should not be referred to as suffering from MUH
(messed up heart), PBS (pretty bad shape), PCL (pre-code looking) or HIBGIA
(had it before, got it again).
b.. Stroke patients are NOT "Charlie Carrots." Nor are rescuers to use
CCFCCP(Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs) to describe their mental state.
c.. Trauma patients are not CATS (cut all to sh*t), FDGB (fall down, go
boom), TBC (total body crunch) or "hamburger helper." Similarly,
descriptions of a car crash do not have to include phrases like "negative
vehicle to vehicle interface" or "terminal deceleration syndrome."
d.. HAZMAT teams are highly trained professionals, not "glow worms."
e.. Persons with altered mental states as a result of drug use are not
considered "pharmaceutically gifted."
f.. Gunshot wounds to the head are not "trans-occipital implants."
g.. The homeless are not "urban outdoorsmen," nor is endotracheal
intubation referred to as a "PVC Challenge."
h.. And finally, do not refer to recently deceased persons as being "paws
up," ART (assuming room temperature), CC (Cancel Christmas), CTD (circling
the drain), DRT (dead right there) or NLPR (no long playing records).

I know you will all join me in respecting the cultural diversity of our
patients to include their medical orientations in creating proper narratives
and log entries.






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Friday, November 23, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 23rd November, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 23rd November, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
The Whole Truth
-------------------------

At school, Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are
hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes
it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth."

Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as
he is greeted by his mother. He says, "I know the
whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't
tell your father."

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and
greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The
father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to
your mother."

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he
sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him
by saying, "I know the whole truth."

The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says,
"Then come give your daddy a great big hug!"





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Thursday, November 22, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 22nd November, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 22nd November, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
New Cop
-------------------------

The new metro cop pulled a speeder who was zipping down Maple Avenue.
"Can I see your license and registration, bub?", the cop inquired.

"But officer," the fellow started, "I can explain..."

"Shut yer trap, bub!" snapped the officer. "You're going downtown
and sit a while till the sarge gets back."

"But, officer, I think you really should know..."

"And I said to shut yer trap! You're going to jail!"

A few hours later the cop looked in on his prisoner and said,
"Lucky for you that the sarge is at his daughter's wedding.
He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"Don't count on it," shot back the sap in the cell. "I'm the groom."




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Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 21st November, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 21st November, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Why Men Wear Earrings
-------------------------

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.

This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."

The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."

"Don't make such a big deal out of this, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly.

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"

"Ever since my wife found it in my truck..."




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Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 20th November, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 20th November, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
The Shredder
-------------------------

A young executive is working late one evening. As he
comes out of his office about 8 PM he sees the Big
Boss standing by the shredder in the hallway, a piece
of paper in his hand. "Do you know how to work this thing?"
the older man asks. "My secretary's gone home and I don't know how to run it."

"Yes, sir," says the young executive, who turns on the machine,
takes the paper from the other man, and feeds it in.

"Now," says his boss, "I just need the one copy."




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Monday, November 19, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 19th November, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 19th November, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Christ in the Bathroom
-------------------------

A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his students
might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas
season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that
the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc. So he
asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"

Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven."

Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart."

Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He's
in our bathroom!!!"

The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a
response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds.
He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.

And Little Johnny said, "Well...every morning, my father gets up, bangs on
the bathroom door, and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'!"






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Sunday, November 18, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 18th November, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 18th November, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Desperate Parents
-------------------------

An old man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Pop, what are you talking about," the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man said. "We're sick and tired of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her." And he hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "Like heck they're getting a divorce," she shouts. "I'll take care of this." She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" And she hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "They're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way!!"





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Saturday, November 17, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 17th November, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 17th November, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Grandma's Revenge
-------------------------

When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his
grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and
headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, "I'm
surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water
guns?"

Mom smiled and then replied....."I remember."






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Friday, November 16, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 16th November, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 16th November, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Female Hormones
-------------------------

Recently scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.

To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men twelve bottles of beer each. The scientists observed that 100% of the male test group gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, and couldn't drive.

No further testing is planned.





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Thursday, November 15, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 15th November, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 15th November, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Deep Thoughts
-------------------------

Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive, anyway.

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

If FED EX and UPS were to merge, would they call it EF'D UP?

Everyone has a photographic memory; it's just that some of us are out of film.

How much deeper would the oceans be without sponges?

If quitters never win and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while your ahead"?!

If a deaf kid swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

What would a chair look like, if your knees bent the other way?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?




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Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 14th November, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 14th November, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Lethal Product
-------------------------

A dietician was once addressing a large
audience in Chicago.

"The material we put into our stomachs
is enough to have killed most of us
sitting here, years ago. Red meat is
awful. Vegetables can be disastrous,
and none of us realizes the germs in our
drinking water. But there is one thing
that is the most dangerous of all and we
all eat it. Can anyone here tell me what
lethal product I'm referring to?, You,
sir, in the first row, please give us
your idea."

The man in the front row lowered his head
and said, "Wedding cake."






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Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 13th November, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 13th November, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Blonde Murder Victim
-------------------------

WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline)

Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her inlaws, and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour. The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head.
When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.

And, yes, Linda is a blonde.




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Monday, November 12, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 12th November, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 12th November, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Post Office
-------------------------

A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"

The clerk says, "What denomination?"

The woman says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists."




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Sunday, November 11, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 11th November, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 11th November, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
The Tables are Turned
-------------------------

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have
never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into
bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't
feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!" So she says the words That every
boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in Touch with my
emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a
man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just Love me for who
I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was
going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to
take the day off of work to spend time with her.

We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed
department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several
different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I
told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new Shoes to compliment her new
clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the
jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me
tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of
a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a
tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I
threw her for a loop when I said, That's fine, honey." She was almost
nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted
out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank
as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT???!!!" I then said, "Really honey! I
just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.You're just not in touch with
my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as
a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I
added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy
you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.





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Saturday, November 10, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 10th November, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 10th November, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
A 93-Year-Old Woman
-------------------------

A 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband, decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was badly broken anyway. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire exactly where the heart would be on a woman.

The doctor said, "Your heart would be just below your left breast."

Later that night Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.



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Friday, November 9, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 9th November, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 9th November, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Bill of Rights
-------------------------

Two lawyers, Bob and Bill, were having a heated
exchange during a trial. The judge asked both
lawyers to approach the bench.

"Your Honor," said Bob, "I objected because my
distinguished colleague Bill was badgering the
witness. It is obvious he has never heard of the
Bill of Rights."

"Rubbish!" snapped Bill. "I happen to know them by heart."

Bob rolled his eyes in disbelief. "Do you now?
Well, Bill, I have a hundred dollars that says
you can't even tell me the first few words."

Bill smirked and accepted the challenge and
began, "I pledge allegiance to the flag..."

"Damn," Bob interrupted, fishing the money from
his pocket, "I didn't think you'd know it."






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Thursday, November 8, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 8th November, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 8th November, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Bob's Annual Review:
-------------------------

1. Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2. hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
3. wasting company time talking to colleagues.Bob never
4. thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5. finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6. measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7. breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8. vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9. knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10. classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
11. dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12. promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13. executed as soon as possible.

Addendum: That idiot was standing over my shoulder while
I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only
the odd lines.




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Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 7th November, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 7th November, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Yahoo for the Indian
-------------------------

An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.

The ride was uneventful except that every few minutes, the Indian would let out a whoop so loud that it would echo from the surrounding hills. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final yahoo and rode off.

"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service station attendant.

"Nothing. I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off."

"Lady, the attendant said, Indians ride bareback."



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Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 6th November, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 6th November, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
The Fly
-------------------------

There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day when she happened upon a pile of fresh cow manure. Due to the fact that it had been hours since she had had her last meal, she flew down and began to eat. She ate and ate. Finally, she decided she had eaten enough and tried to fly away. She had eaten too much though, and could not get off the ground. As she looked around wondering what to do, she spotted a pitchfork leaning up against the wall. She climbed to the top of the handle and jumped off, thinking that once she got airborne, she would be able to take flight. Unfortunately she was wrong and she dropped like a rock, and smashed when she hit the floor. Dead!

ARE YOU READY FOR THE MORAL OF THE STORY?

Never fly off the handle when you know you're full of shi*t.




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Monday, November 5, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 5th November, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 5th November, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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John the Farmer
-------------------------

John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business.
He had several hundred young layers (hens), called
pullets and eight or ten roosters, whose job was to
fertilize the eggs. The farmer kept records and any
rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and
was replaced.

That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set
of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each
bell had a different tone so John could tell from a
distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could
sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report
simply by listening to the bells.

The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, a very
fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular
morning John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at
all! John went to investigate. The other roosters
were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets,
hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

BUT, to Farmer John's amazement, Butch had his bell in
his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a
pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John
was so proud of Butch, he entered him in the county
fair.

Butch became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result: the judges not only awarded Butch the
"No BellPiece Prize" but they also awarded him the
"Pulletsurprise" as well.

Clearly Butch was a Politician in the making. Who
else but a politician could figure out how to win two
of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by
being the best at sneaking up on the populace and
screwing them when they weren't paying attention?




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Sunday, November 4, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 4th November, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 4th November, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Who Says Men Arn't Sensitive
-------------------------

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up
leaving together. They go back to his place, and as he shows her around his
apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet
cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way
along the floor. Cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher. Huge
enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.

The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears,
especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to
him, and actually is quite impressed by this evidence of his sensitive side!

She turns to him, invitingly... they kiss...and then they rip each other's
clothes off and make hot steamy love. After she has this intense night of
passion with this sensitive guy, and they are lying there together in the
afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it for
you?"


The guy yawns: "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."





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Saturday, November 3, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 3rd November, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 3rd November, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Cannibal's Restaurant
-------------------------

Three explorers became lost in the jungle and wandered for days
with no food and little water...

One day, just as they were finally about to give up, they
crawled into a clearing and there right in front of them stood a
Cannibal's Restaurant.

Out front near the entrance was a large menu board. With the
little energy they had left, they dragged themselves across the
clearing and looked up to see the following menu:

"Par boiled Priest $12.00
Roast Lion Hunter $14.00
Steamed Politician $198.50"

They struggled into the establishment, dragged themselves to a
table, and a waiter came to take their order. Before they ordered,
one of the explorers asked the waiter, "Can you help me understand
your menu? The first two items are priced about the same, but the third
item, the politician, is priced so much higher. Why is that?"

"Are you kidding?" replied the waiter. "Did you ever try to
CLEAN one of those suckers?"




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Friday, November 2, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 2nd November, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 2nd November, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
The Doctor's Advice
-------------------------

A man was walking into the hospital for a routine
examination the other day. Just as he reached the main
entrance, another man, who had just exited the hospital,
keeled over on the sidewalk. The first man ran towards the
second and noticed that he was obviously dead.


The man rushed into the hospital, grabbed the first doctor
that he could find, and screamed, "Doctor, Doctor!! A man
just walked out of the hospital and dropped dead on the
sidewalk!! What should I do?"


The doctor thought about this dilemma for a few moments,
then suggested, "Spin him around. Make it look like he was
coming in."





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Thursday, November 1, 2012

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 1st November, 2012

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 1st November, 2012 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Hockey
-------------------------

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old
hockey players aside and asked, "Do you understand what
cooperation is? What a team is?"

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

"Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or
lose, but how we play together as a team?"

The little boy nodded yes.

"So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when a
penalty is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the referee, or
call him a pecker-head."

Do you understand all that?"

Again the little boy nodded.

He continued, "And when I call you off the ice so that
another boy gets a chance to play,
it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach 'a
dumb a--hole', is it?"

Again the little boy nodded.

"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all
that to your mother."




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