JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 30th January, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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Anaconda Attacks
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This is true !! It details what to do if an anaconda attacks you.
Excerpt is from the US Government Peace Corps Manual for volunteers working in the Amazon Jungle.
Related to the boa constrictor, the anaconda is the largest snake species in the world. It grows to thirty-five feet in length and weighs 300 to 400 pounds.
1. If you are attacked by an anaconda, do not run. The snake is faster than you are.
2. Lie flat on the ground. Put your arms tight against your sides, your legs tight against one another.
3. Tuck your chin in.
4. The snake will begin to nudge and climb over your body.
5. Do not panic.
6. After the snake has examined you, it will begin to swallow you from the feet end - always from the feet end. Permit the snake to swallow your feet and ankles. Do not panic!
7. The snake will now begin to suck your legs into its body. You must lie perfectly still. This will take a long time.
8. When the snake has reached your knees, slowly and with as little movement as possible, reach down, take your knife and very gently slide it into the side of the snake's mouth between the edge of its mouth and your leg, then suddenly rip upwards, severing the snake's head.
9. Be sure you have your knife.
10. Be sure your knife is sharp.
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Thursday, January 30, 2020
Wednesday, January 29, 2020
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 29th January, 2020
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 29th January, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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Love Line
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Paul was ambling through a crowded street fair when he
decided to stop and sit at a Palm Reader's table. Said
the mysterious old woman, "For fifteen dollars, I can
read your love line and tell your romantic future."
Paul readily agreed and the reader took one look at his
open palm and said, "I can see that you have no
girlfriend."
"That's true," said Paul.
"Oh my goodness, you are extremely lonely, aren't you?"
"Yes," Paul shamefully admitted. "That's amazing. Can
you tell all of this from my love line?"
"Love line? No, from the calluses and blisters."
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Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20200129
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-------------------------
Love Line
-------------------------
Paul was ambling through a crowded street fair when he
decided to stop and sit at a Palm Reader's table. Said
the mysterious old woman, "For fifteen dollars, I can
read your love line and tell your romantic future."
Paul readily agreed and the reader took one look at his
open palm and said, "I can see that you have no
girlfriend."
"That's true," said Paul.
"Oh my goodness, you are extremely lonely, aren't you?"
"Yes," Paul shamefully admitted. "That's amazing. Can
you tell all of this from my love line?"
"Love line? No, from the calluses and blisters."
-------------------------
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Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20200129
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml
Tuesday, January 28, 2020
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 28th January, 2020
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 28th January, 2020 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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Thunderstorm
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One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled. "I can't dear," she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
The little boy replied with a shaking voice, "The big sissy."
-------------------------
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Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20200128
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml
-------------------------
Thunderstorm
-------------------------
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled. "I can't dear," she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
The little boy replied with a shaking voice, "The big sissy."
-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------
Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20200128
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
________________________________________________
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