Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 31st August, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 31st August, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Why Men Shouldn't Write Advice Columns
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Dear John,

I hope you can help me. The other day, I set off for work,
leaving my husband in the house watching TV. My car stalled, and then it broke down about
a mile down the road, and I had to walk back to get my husband's help.
When I got home, I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the
neighbor's daughter!

I am 32, my husband is 34 and the neighbor's daughter is 19. We have been married for 10 years.
When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted they had been having an affair
for the past six months. he won't go to counseling and I'm affraid I am a
wreck and need advice urgently. Can you please help?

Sincerely, Sheila

Dear Sheila,

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused
by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking
that there is no debris in the fuel line. If none of these approaches
solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty,
causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.

I hope this helps, John

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 30th August, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 30th August, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Sherlock Holmes
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Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson were on a camping and hiking trip. They had gone to bed and were lying awake looking up at the sky.

Holmes said, "Watson, look up. What do you see?"

"I see thousands of stars," replied Watson.

Then Holmes asked, "And what does that mean to you?"

"Well," said Watson "I suppose it means we will have another nice day tomorrow. What does it mean to you, Holmes?"

"To me Watson, it means someone has stolen our tent!"

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 29th August, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 29th August, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Things That are Difficult to Say When You're Drunk
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THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Specificity
British
Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Loquacious
Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Thanks, but I don't want to have sex
Nope, no more booze for me
Sorry, but you're not really my type
Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight
Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 28th August, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 28th August, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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TGIF
-------------------------

A business man got on an elevator.when he entered,there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright ,"t-g-i-f"

He smiled at her and replied,"s-h-i-t"

She looked puzzled,and repeated,"t-g-i-f".

More slowly he answered,"s-h-i-t"

The blonde was trying to keep it friendly,so,she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly
as possibly,"t-g-i-f"

The man smiled back to her and once again"s-h-i-t".

The exasperated blonde decided to explain what "t-g-i-f"means "thank goodness it`s friday",get it duuhhh?

The man answered"s-h-i-t" means "sorry honey it`s thursday."

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 27th August, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 27th August, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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New Company Policy
-------------------------

When the wise company president learned that his employees were tanking up
on no-trace vodka martinis during their lunch hours, he issued the
following memo:

To all employees; If you must drink during you lunch
hours, please drink whiskey. It is better for our customers to know you're
drunk than to think you're stupid.

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 25th August, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 25th August, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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How To Out Run A Bear
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Two guys are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them.

They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them. The first guy gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on.

The second guy says, "What are you doing?"

He says, "I figure when the bear gets close to us, we'll jump down and make a run for it."

The second guy says, "Are you crazy? You can't outrun a bear."

The first guy says, "I don't have to outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you."

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 24th August, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 24th August, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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An Affair
-------------------------

An old man walked into the confessional at the cathedral and said to
the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11
grandchildren. Last night I had an affair, and I made love to two 18
year old girls. Both of them. Twice."

The priest replied, "Well, my son, when was the last time you were in
confession?"

"Never Father, I'm Jewish."

The priest paused, and then asked, "So then, why are you telling me?"

"Hey, I'm telling everybody."

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 23rd August, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 23rd August, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Blonde Sheep Counter
-------------------------

There was a typical blond. She had long, blonde
hair, blue eyes, and she was sick of all the
blonde jokes.

One day she decided to get makeover. She cut
and dyed her hair brunette and went driving
down a country road, searching for someone
who would appreciate her for her intelligence.
When she came across a herd of sheep, she
stopped and called the shepherd over.

"That's a nice flock of sheep," she said.

"Well thank you," said the herder.

"Tell you what, I have a proposition for you,"
said the woman. "If I can guess the exact
number of sheep in your flock, can I take
one home?"

"Sure," agreed the Shepherd. So the girl sat
up and looked at the herd for a second and
then replied: "382".

"Wow," said the shepherd. "That is exactly
right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep you
want to take home."

So the woman went and picked one out and put
it in her car.

Then the herder said: "Okay, now I have a
proposition for you. If I can guess the real
colour of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 22nd August, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 22nd August, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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5 Rules
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1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.

2. Forgive your enemies but remember their name.

3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they're in trouble again.

4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.

5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk!

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 21st August, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 21st August, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Blood
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A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.

Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."

"Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary positions the blood doesn't run into my feet?"

A little fellow shouted, "Because your feet aren't empty."

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 20th August, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 20th August, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Not Afraid
-------------------------

A few minutes before the church services started, the
congregation was sitting in their pews and talking.
Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.

Everyone started screaming and running for the back
entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to
get away from evil incarnate. Soon the church was
empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly
in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the
fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.

So Satan walked up to the man and said, 'Do you know
who I am?'

The man replied, 'Yep, sure do.'

Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked.

'Nope, sure ain't.' said the man.

Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked
Satan.

Don't doubt it for a minute, ' returned the old man,
in an even tone.

'Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying
agony for all eternity?' persisted Satan.

Yep,' was the calm reply.

'And you're still not afraid?' asked Satan.

'Nope,' said the old man.

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, ' Why aren't
you afraid of me?'

The man calmly replied, 'Been married to your sister for
48 years.'

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 19th August, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 19th August, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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-------------------------

One day, there was a catastrophic event that caused all humans on Earth to die.
To sort things out, everyone went to Heaven. God came in and said,

"I want the men to make two lines.

One line for the men who ruled their women on Earth and the other line for the men who were ruled by their women.
Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter." With that, the next time God looked, the women were gone and there
were two lines.

The line of men who were ruled by their women was 1000 miles long, and in the line of men who ruled their women,
there was only one man.

God became angry and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all
whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud. Learn from him!

Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

The man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 18th August, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 18th August, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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The Recession is Having an Impact on Everyone
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My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.

I saw a Mormon with only one wife.

If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates

Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 17th August, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 17th August, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Blonde Burglary
-------------------------

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house
ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and
reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio,
and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde
ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then
sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come
home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do
they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!'

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 16th August, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 16th August, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Shingles
-------------------------

Bubba had shingles. Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this! Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line?

Here's what happened to Bubba:

Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had.

Bubba said, 'Shingles' So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, 'Shingles...' So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had.

Bubba said, 'Shingles.' The doctor asked, 'Where?'

Bubba said, 'Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em??'

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 15th August, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 15th August, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Olympic Wrestling
-------------------------

A Russian and an American wrestler were set to square off for the
Olympic Gold Medal. Before the final match, the American wrestler's
trainer came to him and said, "now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's
never lost a match because of this 'Pretzel' hold he has, whatever
you do don't let him get you in this hold! If he does, you're
finished!"

The wrestler nodded in acknowledgment.

As the match started, the American and the Russian circled each
other several times, looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the
Russian lunged forward, grabbing the American and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold.

A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the trainer buried
his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch
the inevitable happen. Suddenly, there was a scream, then a cheer from the crowd and the trainer
raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up in
the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and the American collapsed on top of him making the pin and winning the
match.

The trainer was astounded. When he finally got the American wrestler
alone, he asked, "how did you ever get out of that hold? No one has
ever done it before!"

The wrestler answered,"well, I was ready to give up when he got me
in that hold but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this
pair of testicles right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose so with my last
ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could."

"So, the trainer exclaimed, 'that is what finished him off?!"

"Not really. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your
own balls.

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 14th August, 2011

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Morning Sickness
-------------------------

The neighbour dropped in on a friend and found her sitting at the
kitchen table, staring blankly at a half-empty cup of coffee; her
three kids squabbling loudly in the other room.

"What's wrong Marge ?" she asked.

Marge told her that she had "morning sickness."

Surprised, the neighbour said, "I didn't even know you were
pregnant!"

"I'm not." the harried young woman replied. "I'm just damn sick
of mornings."

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 13th August, 2011

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Anaconda Attacks
-------------------------

This is true !! It details what to do if an anaconda attacks you.
Excerpt is from the US Government Peace Corps Manual for volunteers working in the Amazon Jungle.

Related to the boa constrictor, the anaconda is the largest snake species in the world. It grows to thirty-five feet in length and weighs 300 to 400 pounds.

1. If you are attacked by an anaconda, do not run. The snake is faster than you are.

2. Lie flat on the ground. Put your arms tight against your sides, your legs tight against one another.

3. Tuck your chin in.

4. The snake will begin to nudge and climb over your body.

5. Do not panic.

6. After the snake has examined you, it will begin to swallow you from the feet end - always from the feet end. Permit the snake to swallow your feet and ankles. Do not panic!

7. The snake will now begin to suck your legs into its body. You must lie perfectly still. This will take a long time.

8. When the snake has reached your knees, slowly and with as little movement as possible, reach down, take your knife and very gently slide it into the side of the snake's mouth between the edge of its mouth and your leg, then suddenly rip upwards, severing the snake's head.

9. Be sure you have your knife.

10. Be sure your knife is sharp.

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 11th August, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 11th August, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Golf Confessional
-------------------------

A man goes to the confessional.

"Forgive me father, for I have sinned."

"What is your sin, my child?" The priest asks back.

"Well," the man starts, "I used some horrible language this week and I
feel absolutely terrible."

"When did you do use this awful language?" said the priest.

"I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going
to go over 250 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging over the
fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about
100yards."

"Is that when you swore?"

"No, Father." Said the man. "After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes
and grabbed my ball in his mouth and began to run away."

"Is THAT when you swore?" asked the Father again.

"Well, no." said the man, "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle
came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to
fly away!"

"Is THAT when you swore?" asked the amazed Priest.

"No, not yet." The man replied. "As the eagle carried the squirrel away in
his claws, it flew towards the green. And as it passed over a bit of
forest near the green, the squirrel dropped my ball."

"Did you swear THEN?" asked the now impatient Priest.

"No, because as the ball fell it struck a tree, bounced through some
bushes, careened off a big rock, and rolled through a sand trap onto the
green and stopped within six inches of the hole."

"You missed the f*cking putt, didn't you?" sighed the Priest.

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 10th August, 2011

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Park Bench
-------------------------

Two elderly gentlemen were sitting on a park bench on
North Avenue. After a while, one said, "By the way, George,
how's your wife?"

"I think she's dead."

"What do you mean, you think she dead?"

"Well, the sex is the same, but the dishes are piling up."

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 9th August, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 9th August, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Cracking The Human Resource Code
-------------------------

"COMPETITIVE SALARY"
Most of our competitors don't pay much either.

"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY"
We have no time to train you.

"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE"
You'll be here very late, very often -- might as well be comfortable.

"MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED"
Your first four projects are already way overdue.

"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED"
Did we mention that you'll be here very late, very often? And most weekends.

"DUTIES WILL VARY"
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL"
We have no quality control.

"CAREER-MINDED"
Female applicants must be childless.

"APPLY IN PERSON"
If you're old, fat or ugly, that position has already been filled.

"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE"
This job listing is just a legal formality. The position was filled by some executive's nephew.

"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE"
Due to consolidation, you'll be replacing three people.

"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST"
This company is a total mess.

"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS"
You'll have all the responsibilities of upper management, without the pay, title or respect.

"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS"
Listen to management, figure out what they want, don't ask too many questions and get the sh*t done.

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 8th August, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 8th August, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Perks of being 50+
-------------------------

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

3. No one expects you to run -- anywhere.

4. People call at 9 pm and ask, "Did I wake you?"

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

8. You can eat supper at 4 pm.

9. You can live without $ex but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12. You stop trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the
room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather
service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them
either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

19. You can't remember who sent you this list.

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 7th August, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 7th August, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Ponderisms
-------------------------

1· I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

2· There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

3· Life is sexually transmitted.

4· Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

5· The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

6· Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

7· Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

8· Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

9· All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

10· In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it Normal .

11· How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

12· Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever Comes out'?

13· If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

14· Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

15· If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

16· If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

17· Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

18· Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

19· Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

20· Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 6th August, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 6th August, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Daddy, How Was I Born?
-------------------------

A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'

The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room onYahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googledeach other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:

'You got Male!

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 5th August, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 5th August, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Honeymoon is Over
-------------------------

You know the honeymoon is over when the comedians start.

The liberals are asking us to give Obama time.
We agree...and think 25 to life would be appropriate.
--Jay Leno

America needs Obama-care like
Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.
--Jay Leno

Q: Have you heard about McDonald's'
new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like
and the guy behind you has to pay for it.
--Conan O'Brien

Q: What does Barack Obama
call lunch with a convicted felon?
A: A fund raiser.
--Jay Leno

Q: What's the difference between
Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?
A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers,
and threats to society.
The other is for housing prisoners.
--David Letterman

Q: What was the most positive result of
the "Cash for Clunkers" program?
A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper
stickers off the road.
--David Letterman

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 4th August, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 4th August, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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8 Iron
-------------------------

One fine day, Jim and Bob are out golfing. Jim slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball.
The brush is quite thick, but Jim searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball.

Jim calls out to his golfing partner in an agitated voice, "Hey Bob, come here, I got trouble down here."

Bob comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out, "What's the matter Jim?"

Jim shouts back, "Throw me my 7-iron! You can't get out of here with an 8-iron."

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 3rd August, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 3rd August, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Piss And Moan
-------------------------

An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her telephone
failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions when
it did ring, her pet dog always moaned right before the phone rang. The
telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog
or senile elderly lady.

He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the
subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog
moaned loudly and the telephone began to ring.

Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire via a steel chain
and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the phone number
was called.
4. After a couple of such jolts, the dog would start moaning and then
urinate on himself and the ground.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to
ring.

Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning!

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 2nd August, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 2nd August, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Too Sick to Work
-------------------------

Hung Chow calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomachache and my legs hurt. I not come work."

The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I can go to work. You should try that."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."

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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 1st August, 2011

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 1st August, 2011 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Sunburn
-------------------------

A doctor is making his rounds in the hospital when he comes upon a guy
with the worst case of sunburn he has ever seen. The poor guy is burnt
raw from head to toe and is in agony. He says to the doctor, "Is there
anything you can give me to ease this terrible pain?"

So the doctor says, "Yes, I'll prescribe you some Viagra".

"Viagra?" says the poor guy. "How will that help my sunburn?".

"It won't help your sunburn much" says the doctor, "but at least it'll
keep the sheets off it!"

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