JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 30th May, 2019 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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The Parrot
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Recently I received a parrot as a gift.
The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.
Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with
profanity.
I tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently
saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else I could
think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.
Finally, I was fed up and I yelled at the parrot.
The parrot yelled back.
I shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder.
So, in desperation, I threw up my hands, grabbed the bird and
put him in the freezer.
For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.
Then suddenly there was total quiet.
Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that I'd hurt the parrot,
I quickly opened the door to the freezer.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto my outstretched arms and said
"I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and
actions.
I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and
I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and
unforgivable behavior."
I was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.
As I was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic
change in his behavior, the bird continued,
"May I ask what the turkey did?"
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Thursday, May 30, 2019
Wednesday, May 29, 2019
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 29th May, 2019
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 29th May, 2019 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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Small Kentucky Town
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The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people did
some research and found that they could buy a cow just across the state
line in Illinois for $200.
They brought the cow from Illinois and the cow was wonderful. It produced
lots of milk all of the time, and the people were very happy.
They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow to produce more cows
like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.
They bought the bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow.
However, whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move
away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from
the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset
and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do.
They told the Vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull tries to mount
our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves
forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An attempt
from the side, she walks away to the other side."
The Vet thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you by chance, buy
this cow in Illinois?"
The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned where they
bought the cow. "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know
we got the cow in Illinois?"
The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from
Illinois."
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-------------------------
Small Kentucky Town
-------------------------
The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people did
some research and found that they could buy a cow just across the state
line in Illinois for $200.
They brought the cow from Illinois and the cow was wonderful. It produced
lots of milk all of the time, and the people were very happy.
They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow to produce more cows
like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.
They bought the bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow.
However, whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move
away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from
the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset
and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do.
They told the Vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull tries to mount
our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves
forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An attempt
from the side, she walks away to the other side."
The Vet thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you by chance, buy
this cow in Illinois?"
The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned where they
bought the cow. "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know
we got the cow in Illinois?"
The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from
Illinois."
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Saturday, May 25, 2019
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 25th May, 2019
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 25th May, 2019 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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Baseball Cap
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After eight days of backpacking with my wife,
we were looking pretty scruffy. One morning
she came to breakfast in a baseball cap, her
shoulder length hair sticking out at odd angles.
"Darling," she said, "does my hair make me
look like a water buffalo?"
I thought for a moment, then said, "If I tell you
the truth, do you promise not to charge?"
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Baseball Cap
-------------------------
After eight days of backpacking with my wife,
we were looking pretty scruffy. One morning
she came to breakfast in a baseball cap, her
shoulder length hair sticking out at odd angles.
"Darling," she said, "does my hair make me
look like a water buffalo?"
I thought for a moment, then said, "If I tell you
the truth, do you promise not to charge?"
-------------------------
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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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Wednesday, May 15, 2019
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 15th May, 2019
JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 15th May, 2019 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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The Elephant
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In 1972, Joe Miller was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Tulsa Junior
College .On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with
one leg raised in the air.
The elephant seemed distressed, so Joe approached it very
carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the
elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood
deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as
he could, Joe worked the wood out with his knife,
after which the elephant gingerly put down its
foot.
The elephant turned to Joe, and with a rather curious look on its
face, stared at him for several tense moments. Joe
stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.
Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.
Joe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Thirty years later, Joe was walking through the Tulsa Zoo with
his family. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the
creatures turned and walked over to near where Joe and his family were standing.
The large bull elephant stared at Joe, lifted its front
foot off the ground, and then put it down.
The elephant did that several times then trumpeted
loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1972, Joe could not help wondering
if this was the same elephant...Joe summoned
up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made
his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to
the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant
trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of
Joe's legs and slammed him against the railing
killing him instantly.
Probably wasn't the same elephant.
-------------------------
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-------------------------
The Elephant
-------------------------
In 1972, Joe Miller was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Tulsa Junior
College .On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with
one leg raised in the air.
The elephant seemed distressed, so Joe approached it very
carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the
elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood
deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as
he could, Joe worked the wood out with his knife,
after which the elephant gingerly put down its
foot.
The elephant turned to Joe, and with a rather curious look on its
face, stared at him for several tense moments. Joe
stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.
Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.
Joe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Thirty years later, Joe was walking through the Tulsa Zoo with
his family. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the
creatures turned and walked over to near where Joe and his family were standing.
The large bull elephant stared at Joe, lifted its front
foot off the ground, and then put it down.
The elephant did that several times then trumpeted
loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1972, Joe could not help wondering
if this was the same elephant...Joe summoned
up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made
his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to
the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant
trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of
Joe's legs and slammed him against the railing
killing him instantly.
Probably wasn't the same elephant.
-------------------------
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-------------------------
Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20190515
Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
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