Sunday, October 31, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 31st October, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 31st October, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Gas & Religion
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In California Unleaded gas went to $4.00 a gallon last Thursday.

Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her
rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. Fortunately, an
Exxon station was just a block away. She walked to the station to borrow a
gas can and buy some gas.

The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out,
but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann was on the
way to see a patient, she decided not to wait, and walked back to her car.

She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas, and
spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful,
Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline,
and carried the full bedpan back to her car.

As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptist ladies watched from
across the street. One of them turned to the other and said, 'If it starts,
I'm turning Catholic.'

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Saturday, October 30, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 30th October, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 30th October, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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T.G.I.F.
-------------------------

A Blonde goes over to her friend's house
Wearing a T.G.I.F. T-shirt.

'Why are you wearing a Thank God
It's Friday tee-shirt on Monday?'

'Oh crap!' the blonde says. 'I didn't
Realize it was a religious T-shirt.
I thought it meant Tits Go In Front'

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Friday, October 29, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 29th October, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 29th October, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Coma
-------------------------

A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband.
Now he had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months,
yet she stayed by his bedside every single day.

When he came to senses, he motioned for her to come near him.

As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with
me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to
support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got
shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me
support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side.
You know what?"

"What dear?" she asks gently.

"I think you bring me bad luck."


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Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 29th October, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 29th October, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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-------------------------
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Thursday, October 28, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 28th October, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 28th October, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Hearing Aid
-------------------------

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect... Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'

The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.

I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'

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Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 26th October, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 26th October, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Sausage Factory
-------------------------

There once was a man who owned a sausage factory, and he was showing his arrogant preppy son around his factory.
Try as he might to impress his snobbish son, his son would just sneer.
They approached the heart of the factory, where the father thought, "This should impress him!"
He showed his son a machine and said "Son, this is the heart of the factory. With this machine here we can put in a pig, and out come sausages.

The prudish son, unimpressed, said "Yes, but do you have a machine where you can put in a sausage and out comes a pig?"

The father, furious, thought and said, "Yes son, we call it your mother."

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Monday, October 25, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 25th October, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 25th October, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Passing Gas
-------------------------

An elderly couple was attending church services when
about halfway through she leans over and says to him,
"I just had a silent passing of gas, what do you think
I should do?"

He leans over to her and replies, "Put a new battery
in your hearing aid..."


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Sunday, October 24, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 24th October, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 24th October, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Old ain't Dumb
-------------------------

A strong young man at a construction site was bragging that he could out do anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had enough.

'Why don't you put your money where your mouth is,' he said.

'I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won't be able to wheel back.

'You're on, old man,' the braggart replied. Let's see you do it.'

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles.

Then, nodding to the young man, he Said,


'All right, Dumb Ass, get in.'


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Saturday, October 23, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 23rd October, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 23rd October, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Water Buffalo
-------------------------

After eight days of backpacking with my wife,
we were looking pretty scruffy. One morning
she came to breakfast in a baseball cap, her
shoulder length hair sticking out at odd angles.

"Darling," she said, "does my hair make me
look like a water buffalo?"

I thought for a moment, then said, "If I tell you
the truth, do you promise not to charge?"


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Friday, October 22, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 22nd October, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 22nd October, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Pearly Gates
-------------------------

A lawyer died and arrived at the Pearly Gates.

Saint Peter asked him, "What have you done to merit entrance into
Heaven?"

The lawyer thought a moment, then said, "A week ago, I gave a quarter
to a homeless person on the street."

Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the records, and after
a moment Gabriel affirmed that it was true.

Saint Peter said, "Well , that's fine, but it's not really quite
enough to get you into Heaven."

The Lawyer said, "Wait, wait! There's more! Three years ago, I also
gave a homeless person a quarter."

Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who, after a moment, nodded back to
affirm that it was true.

Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, "Well, what do you suggest we
do with this fellow?"

Gabriel gave the lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter,
"Let's give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell."


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Thursday, October 21, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 21st October, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 21st October, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Golf Story
-------------------------

A guy receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollar. He jumps at the offer and heads off for a weekend of fun in the sun.

He arrives and plays a round of golf. It cost him a buck. When he goes for dinner that evening, it costs him another buck. His room is only a buck a day!

The day before he's to check out, he heads out to play a last round and stops by the pro shop and charges a sleeve of three balls to his room.

When he's checking out next morning, he looks at the bill and sees:

Golf: $1.00
Dinner: $1.00
Room: $1.00.
Sleeve of golf balls: $3,000.00

He asks the Manager, "What is this all about? Everything is supposed to cost one dollar, and you charged me three thousand for three golf balls?"

"I'm sorry, sir, said the manager, but you didn't read the fine print in our promotional brochure. That's what our golf balls cost."

"Well, said the man, If I wanted to spend that kind of money, I could've gone to that luxury hotel across the street and paid them a thousand dollars a day for a room. At least I would've known what I was paying for!"

"That's right, sir, you could have, said the manager. Over there they get you by the room. Over here we get you by the balls!"


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Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 20th October, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 20th October, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Smartest Man in the World
-------------------------

A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble.

In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out.

Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining.

The doctor grabbed one and said "I'm a doctor, I save lives, so I must live," and jumped out.

The lawyer then said, "I'm a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live."

He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

The priest looked at the little boy and said, "My son, I've lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace."

The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, "Not to worry, Father. The 'smartest man in the world' just took off with my back pack."


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Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 19th October, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 19th October, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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A Really Bad Day
-------------------------

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

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Monday, October 18, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 18th October, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 18th October, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
No More Shopping at Target
-------------------------

My wife can be a little demanding at times. For example, she insists that I accompany her when she wants to do some shopping at Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I find shopping to be more than a little boring and I prefer to get in and get the stuff I want and go. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse and look at everything. Well, yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target store.


Dear Mrs............,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the woman's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away". This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms
on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled PICK ME! PICK ME!"

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here". One of the clerks passed out.


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Sunday, October 17, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 17th October, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 17th October, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Who to Marry
-------------------------

-You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10

-No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10

2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10

3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8

4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8

5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
-Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

-On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10

6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
-When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7

-The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7

-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
- - Howard, age 8

7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child )

8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favourite is.......

9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
-- Ricky, age 10

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Saturday, October 16, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 16th October, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 16th October, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
The Dentist
-------------------------

The dentist pulls out a Novocain needle to give the man a shot, so he can extract the man's tooth. 'No way! No needles. I hate needles' the patient said.


The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man objects I can't do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me! The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill. 'No objection,' the patient says. 'I'm fine with pills.'

The dentist then returns and says, Here's a Viagra tablet.'

The patient says, 'Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!'


It doesn't' said the dentist, 'but it's going to give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth.

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Friday, October 15, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 15th October, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 15th October, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
New UCLA Study
-------------------------

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.

However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.

No further studies are expected.

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Thursday, October 14, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 14th October, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 14th October, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Bumper Stickers
-------------------------

All you need is a sick mind and a healthy body.

Every time I find the meaning of life, they change it.


Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone somewhere may be happy.


Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most!

Are you stoned or just stupid?


We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.


I Have The Body Of A God... Buddha!

Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway

If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?

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Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 12th October, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 12th October, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
The Bull and the Turkey
-------------------------

A turkey was chatting with a bull.
"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey.
"But I just haven't got the energy."


"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
"They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it
actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a week, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bull crap might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

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Monday, October 11, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 11th October, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 11th October, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Gentle Southern Woman
-------------------------

A very gentle Southern lady was driving across the Savannah River Bridge in Georgia one day. As she neared the top of the bridge, she noticed a young man fixin' to jump. She stopped her car, rolled down the window and said, 'Please don't jump, think of your dear mother and father.'

He replied, 'Mom and Dad are both dead; I'm going to jump.'

She said, 'Well, think of your wife and children.'

He replied, 'I'm not married and I don't have any kids.'

She said, 'Well, think of Robert E. Lee.'

He replied, ''Who the hell is Robert E. Lee?''

She replied, ''Well bless your heart. You just go ahead and jump, you dumb-ass Yankee.'


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Sunday, October 10, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 10th October, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 10th October, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
My Living Will
-------------------------

Last night, my kids and I were sitting in the living room and I said to them,
'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and
fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.'

They got up, unplugged the Computer, and threw out my wine.


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Saturday, October 9, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 9th October, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 9th October, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Long Password
-------------------------

During a recent password audit, our I.T. discovered a blonde was using the following password:

MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento

When they asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

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Thursday, October 7, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 7th October, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 7th October, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Tailgating
-------------------------

The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing,stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.

He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, ''I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally....I assumed you had stolen the car.''

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Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 6th October, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 6th October, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Two Old Drunks
-------------------------

Two old drunks are sitting in a bar when the first one says,
"Ya know, when I was thirty and got an erection,
I couldn't bend it, even using both hands.

By the time I was forty, I could bend it about ten degrees if I tried
really hard.

By the time I was fifty, I could bend it about forty five degrees, no
problem.

I'm gonna be sixty next week, and now I can bend it in half with just
one hand."

"So," says the second drunk, "what's your point?"

"Well, I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get."

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Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 5th October, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 5th October, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Confucius Proverbs
-------------------------

Passionate kiss like spider's web, soon lead to undoing of fly.

Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

Man who walk thru airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Baseball is wrong, man with four balls cannot walk.

Panties not best thing on earth but next to best thing on earth.

War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it.

Man who drive like hell bound to get there.

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.

Man who farts in church sits in own pew.

Man who drops watch in toilet bound to have crappy time.

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Monday, October 4, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 4th October, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 4th October, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Blonde Paint Job
-------------------------

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.

"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."


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Sunday, October 3, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 3rd October, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 3rd October, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Just a Weeeeeeee Bit
-------------------------

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond compare.

With that as his mission he began to search for the perfect woman.

Shortly there after he met a Redneck who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away.
So he explained his mission to the Redneck and asked for permission to marry one of them.

The Redneck simply replied, "They're lookin' to get married, so you came to the right place. Look 'em over and pick the one you want."

The man dated the first daughter.
The next day the Redneck asked for the man's opinion.

"Well," said the man, "she's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice...pigeon-toed."

The Redneck nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter.

The next day, the Redneck again asked how things went.

"Well,"the man replied, "she's just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell..cross-eyed."

The Redneck nodded and suggested he date the third girl
to see if things might be better. So he did.

The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming,

"She's perfect, just perfect. She's the one I want to marry."

So they were wed right away. Months later the baby was born.
When the man visited the nursery he was horrified: the baby was
the Ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law and asked how such a thing could happen considering the beauty of the parents.

"Well," explained the Redneck...

"She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell....
pregnant when you met her."

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Friday, October 1, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 1st October, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 1st October, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
A Halloween Story
-------------------------

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring. He replies: "I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you."

She answers, " My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"

"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.


"My dear child," said the nun, "Why are you crying?"


"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess; I'm married and I'm Jewish."


The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."


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