Thursday, December 31, 2009

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 31st December, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 31st December, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Why We All Miss Rodney Dangerfield...
-------------------------

Why we miss Rodney Dangerfield Because he said ..... It's tough to stay
married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from
my glass!

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy
negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went
over. Nobody was home!

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying I said, 'Are you
going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said, 'No, I hate
myself now.'

I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when
you put a bag
over your head in case the bag over her head comes off.

I knew a girl so ugly... They use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen
the roaches hang themselves.

I'm so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for
mooning.

The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him,
'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.

I know I' m not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear
the Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling.

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal.

My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex; she called me from
Chicago last night.

My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't of
had anything to play with.

-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------
Amazon.com
Online shopping from the earth's biggest selection of books, magazines,
music, DVDs, videos, electronics, computers, software, apparel & accessories,
shoes, jewelry, housewares, furniture, sporting goods, beauty & personal care,
just about anything else.
Shop at Amazon!
http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=jokeswareh-20

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20091231

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 30th December, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 30th December, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Sumbich
-------------------------

A filthy rich North Carolina man decided that he wanted to throw
a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the only redneck in the neighborhood. He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.

Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp,oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the women.
At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 10 ft man-eating gator in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the nerve to jump in.'
The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool!

Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its ass!

Leroy was jabbing the gator in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping the gator through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.

The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Leroy and the gator were screaming and raising hell. Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the top like a dime store goldfish. Leroy then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.

Finally the host says, 'Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars,'

'No, that's okay. I don't want it,' said Leroy.

The rich man said, 'Man, I have to give you something.

You won the bet! How about half a million bucks then?'

'No thanks, I don't want it,' answered Leroy.

The host said, 'Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?'

Again Leroy said no.

Confused, the rich man asked, 'Well, Leroy, then what do you want?'

Leroy said, 'I want the name of the sumbich who pushed me in the pool!'


-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------
Amazon.com
Online shopping from the earth's biggest selection of books, magazines,
music, DVDs, videos, electronics, computers, software, apparel & accessories,
shoes, jewelry, housewares, furniture, sporting goods, beauty & personal care,
just about anything else.
Shop at Amazon!
http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=jokeswareh-20

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20091230

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Monday, December 28, 2009

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 28th December, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 28th December, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Alabama Vasectomy
-------------------------

After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough (they could not afford
a larger double-wide). So, the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told him
that he and his wife/cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem.
The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in 'Bama), light
it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting
a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."

So, the couple drove to Georgia to get a second opinion. The Georgia physician was just about
to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Alabama.
This doctor instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beer
can, hold it to his ear and count to 10.

Figuring that both learned physicians couldn't be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb
and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count.
"1, 2, 3, 4, 5 . . . . ", at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and
resumed counting on his other hand...

-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------
Amazon.com
Online shopping from the earth's biggest selection of books, magazines,
music, DVDs, videos, electronics, computers, software, apparel & accessories,
shoes, jewelry, housewares, furniture, sporting goods, beauty & personal care,
just about anything else.
Shop at Amazon!
http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=jokeswareh-20

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20091228

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 27th December, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 27th December, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Dead Rabbit
-------------------------

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car. The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.

A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of a road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks man what's wrong. "I feel terrible," he explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it."

The blonde says, "Don't worry." She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit. The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of
them and hops off down the road. Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and
again and again, until he hops out of sight.

The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?"

The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label. It says, "Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, adds permanent wave."


-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------
Amazon.com
Online shopping from the earth's biggest selection of books, magazines,
music, DVDs, videos, electronics, computers, software, apparel & accessories,
shoes, jewelry, housewares, furniture, sporting goods, beauty & personal care,
just about anything else.
Shop at Amazon!
http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=jokeswareh-20

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20091227

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 26th December, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 26th December, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth
-------------------------

Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.

They both met with an Angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.

The angel said "Unfortunately, there's only one space in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted."

The Angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Dolly took off her top and said, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."

The Angel thanked Dolly, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question.

The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushes it without saying a word.

The Angel immediately said, "OK, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven."

Dolly was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?

"Sorry, Dolly," said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are."

-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------
Amazon.com
Online shopping from the earth's biggest selection of books, magazines,
music, DVDs, videos, electronics, computers, software, apparel & accessories,
shoes, jewelry, housewares, furniture, sporting goods, beauty & personal care,
just about anything else.
Shop at Amazon!
http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=jokeswareh-20

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20091226

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 22nd December, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 22nd December, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Horse Auction
-------------------------

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father.
He watched as his father moved from horse to horse,
running his hands up and down the horse's legs and
rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked,
"Dad, why are you doing that?"

His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses,
I have to make sure that they are healthy and in
good shape before I buy."

Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the
UPS guy wants to buy Mom..."


-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------
Amazon.com
Online shopping from the earth's biggest selection of books, magazines,
music, DVDs, videos, electronics, computers, software, apparel & accessories,
shoes, jewelry, housewares, furniture, sporting goods, beauty & personal care,
just about anything else.
Shop at Amazon!
http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=jokeswareh-20

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20091222

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 20th December, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 20th December, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Park Bench
-------------------------

Grandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench in the park. Johnny asked, "Grandpa are you going to take that new Viagra?"

Grandpa looks at him and says, "No Johnny, I will not."

"But Grandpa, why?" asks little Johnny.

Grandpa replies, "Because there is no sense in putting lead in your pencil if you have no one to write to."

-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------
Amazon.com
Online shopping from the earth's biggest selection of books, magazines,
music, DVDs, videos, electronics, computers, software, apparel & accessories,
shoes, jewelry, housewares, furniture, sporting goods, beauty & personal care,
just about anything else.
Shop at Amazon!
http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=jokeswareh-20

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20091220

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 19th December, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 19th December, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Retarded Grandparents
-------------------------

After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school. One child wrote the following:
Ret

We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida ...Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass.

They ride around on their bicycles and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wreck center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now, they do exercises there, but they don't do them very well. There is a swimming pool too, but all they do is jump up and down in it...with hats on.

At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out, and go cruising in their golf carts.

Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And, they eat the same thing every night -- early birds. Some of the people can't get out past the man in the doll house. The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center for pot luck.

My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too. When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out, so they can visit their grandchildren.

-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------
Amazon.com
Online shopping from the earth's biggest selection of books, magazines,
music, DVDs, videos, electronics, computers, software, apparel & accessories,
shoes, jewelry, housewares, furniture, sporting goods, beauty & personal care,
just about anything else.
Shop at Amazon!
http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=jokeswareh-20

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20091219

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 17th December, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 17th December, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Goodbye, Mom
-------------------------

A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around.


If he stopped, she stopped.


Furthermore she kept staring at him.


She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said,

"I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son."


He answered, "That's okay."


"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out "Good bye, Mom" as I leave the store,


it would make me feel so happy."


She then went through the checkout and, as she was on her way out of the store,


the man called out, "Good-bye, Mom."


The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him.


Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day,


he went to pay for his groceries.


"That comes to $121.85," said the clerk.


"That can't be right... I only bought 5 items."


The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things, too."


Bet you thought this was going to be a tearjerker. Don't trust little old ladies!


-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------
Amazon.com
Online shopping from the earth's biggest selection of books, magazines,
music, DVDs, videos, electronics, computers, software, apparel & accessories,
shoes, jewelry, housewares, furniture, sporting goods, beauty & personal care,
just about anything else.
Shop at Amazon!
http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=jokeswareh-20

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20091217

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 16th December, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 16th December, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Sherlock Holmes
-------------------------

Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson were on a camping and hiking trip. They had gone to bed and were lying awake looking up at the sky.

Holmes said, "Watson, look up. What do you see?"

"I see thousands of stars," replied Watson.

Then Holmes asked, "And what does that mean to you?"

"Well," said Watson "I suppose it means we will have another nice day tomorrow. What does it mean to you, Holmes?"

"To me Watson, it means someone has stolen our tent!"

-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------
Amazon.com
Online shopping from the earth's biggest selection of books, magazines,
music, DVDs, videos, electronics, computers, software, apparel & accessories,
shoes, jewelry, housewares, furniture, sporting goods, beauty & personal care,
just about anything else.
Shop at Amazon!
http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=jokeswareh-20

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20091216

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 15th December, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 15th December, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
The Perfect Girl
-------------------------

A friend asked a gentleman how it is that he never married.

Replied the gentleman, "Well, I guess I just never met the right woman ... I guess I've been looking for the perfect girl."

"Oh, come on now," said the friend, "Surely you have met at least on girl that you wanted to marry."

"Yes, there was one girl once. I guess she was the one perfect girl, the only perfect girl I really ever met. She was just the right everything. I really mean that she was the perfect girl for me."

"Well, why didn't you marry her," asked the friend.

"She was looking for the perfect man," he said.

-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------
Amazon.com
Online shopping from the earth's biggest selection of books, magazines,
music, DVDs, videos, electronics, computers, software, apparel & accessories,
shoes, jewelry, housewares, furniture, sporting goods, beauty & personal care,
just about anything else.
Shop at Amazon!
http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=jokeswareh-20

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20091215

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Monday, December 14, 2009

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 14th December, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 14th December, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Pirate in a Bar
-------------------------

A man was sitting at a bar when he noticed a pirate walk in the front door. The pirate had a peg leg,
a hook for one hand, and a patch over one eye. Feeling sorry for the pirate, the man said,
"Come over here friend. You look like you've had a hard life and I'd like
to buy you a drink." The pirate came over and ordered rum.
"Just out of curiosity," the man said, "how did you lose your leg?"

"Arrrgh!" said the pirate,
"I lost that timber to a tiger shark in the Caribbean when I was thrown overboard
for stealing a man's rum."

"That's just terrible. How did you lose your hand?" the man said.

"Arrrgh!" said the pirate, "I lost that fighting cannibals off
Madagascar under Admiral Hawk." "

Oh my!" the man said, "I can't even imagine! How did you lose your eye?"

"Arrrgh! A seagull pooped in it!" said the pirate.

"A seagull!" the man exclaimed. "Is seagull poop dangerous?!" he asked.

"Nay, matey, it was me first day with the hook..."


-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------
Amazon.com
Online shopping from the earth's biggest selection of books, magazines,
music, DVDs, videos, electronics, computers, software, apparel & accessories,
shoes, jewelry, housewares, furniture, sporting goods, beauty & personal care,
just about anything else.
Shop at Amazon!
http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=jokeswareh-20

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20091214

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 13th December, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 13th December, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Kids
-------------------------

A six year old goes to the hospital with her grandmother to visit her Grandpa.

When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her Grandma and bursts into her Grandpa's room ...

"Grandpa, Grandpa," she says excitedly, "As soon as Grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"

"What?" said her Grandpa.

"Make a noise like a frog - because Grandma said that as soon as you croak, we're all going to Disney Land !"

-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------
Amazon.com
Online shopping from the earth's biggest selection of books, magazines,
music, DVDs, videos, electronics, computers, software, apparel & accessories,
shoes, jewelry, housewares, furniture, sporting goods, beauty & personal care,
just about anything else.
Shop at Amazon!
http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=jokeswareh-20

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20091213

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 12th December, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 12th December, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Nine Words Women Use
-------------------------

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission.. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------
Amazon.com
Online shopping from the earth's biggest selection of books, magazines,
music, DVDs, videos, electronics, computers, software, apparel & accessories,
shoes, jewelry, housewares, furniture, sporting goods, beauty & personal care,
just about anything else.
Shop at Amazon!
http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=jokeswareh-20

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20091212

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Friday, December 11, 2009

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 11th December, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 11th December, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Irish Confessional
-------------------------

An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.

There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array
of the finest cigars and chocolates.

Then the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been
to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it
used to be."

The priest replies: "Get out. You're in my side."

-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------
Amazon.com
Online shopping from the earth's biggest selection of books, magazines,
music, DVDs, videos, electronics, computers, software, apparel & accessories,
shoes, jewelry, housewares, furniture, sporting goods, beauty & personal care,
just about anything else.
Shop at Amazon!
http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=jokeswareh-20

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20091211

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 10th December, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 10th December, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
The Top Ten Reasons Men Prefer Guns Over Women
-------------------------


#10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

#9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you are on the road.

#8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

#7. Your primary gun does not mind if you keep another gun for a backup.

#6. Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

#5. A gun does not take up a lot of closet space.

#4. Guns function normally every day of the month.

#3. A gun does not ask, "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

#2. A gun does not mind if you go to sleep after you use it.


And the number one reason a gun is favored over a woman...

#1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN

-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------
Amazon.com
Online shopping from the earth's biggest selection of books, magazines,
music, DVDs, videos, electronics, computers, software, apparel & accessories,
shoes, jewelry, housewares, furniture, sporting goods, beauty & personal care,
just about anything else.
Shop at Amazon!
http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=jokeswareh-20

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20091210

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 9th December, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 9th December, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Doing the Rounds
-------------------------

A young man married a beautiful woman
who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to 'Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin'.

'What?' said the puzzled groom. 'How can that be if you've been married ten times.?'

'Well, husband No 1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

'Husband No 2 was in Software
Services; he was never really sure how it was suppose to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me.

'Husband No 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

'Husband No 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order‚ he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

'Husband No 5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement and design a new state of the-art method.

'Husband No 6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

'Husband No 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product‚ he was never sure how to position it.

'Husband No 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.

'Husband No 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

'Husband No 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was........... God I miss him.
'But now that I've married you; I'm so excited'.

'Wonderful' , said the husband, but why?

'You're with the 'GOVERNMENT'.. This time I KNOW I'M gonna get SCREWED.

-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------
Amazon.com
Online shopping from the earth's biggest selection of books, magazines,
music, DVDs, videos, electronics, computers, software, apparel & accessories,
shoes, jewelry, housewares, furniture, sporting goods, beauty & personal care,
just about anything else.
Shop at Amazon!
http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=jokeswareh-20

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20091209

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 8th December, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 8th December, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Politics
-------------------------

Little Johnny came home from school one day and said to his father "Dad,what can you tell me about politics? I have to learn about it for school tomorrow."

The father thought some and said, "Okay, son
. The best way I can describe politics is to use an analogy.
"Lets say that I'm capitalism because I'm the bread winner. Your mother will be government because she controls everything, our maid will be the working class because she works for us, you will be the people because you answer to us, and your baby brother will be the future. Does that help any?"

Little Johnny said, "Well, Dad, I don't know, but I'll think about what you said."

Later that night, after everyone had gone to bed, Johnny was awaken by his brother's crying. Upon further investigation, he found a dirty diaper. So,he went down the hall to his parent's bedroom and found his father's side of the bed empty and his mother wouldn't wake up.

Then he saw a light on in the guest room down the hall, and when he reached the door, he saw through the crack that his father was in bed with the maid. Because he couldn't do anything else, he turned and went back to bed.

The next morning, he said to his father at the breakfast table, "Dad, I think I understand politics much better now."

"Excellent, my boy," he answered. "What have you learned?" Little Johnny thought for a minute and said, "

I learned that Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, Government is sound asleep ignoring the People, and the
Future's full of sh*t."

-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------
Amazon.com
Online shopping from the earth's biggest selection of books, magazines,
music, DVDs, videos, electronics, computers, software, apparel & accessories,
shoes, jewelry, housewares, furniture, sporting goods, beauty & personal care,
just about anything else.
Shop at Amazon!
http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=jokeswareh-20

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20091208

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Monday, December 7, 2009

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 7th December, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 7th December, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Christmas Scottish Divorce
-------------------------

A man in Scotland calls his son in Edinburgh the day before Christmas Eve and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; thirty years of misery is enough."

"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you can call your sister in Aberdeen and tell her "

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like hell they're getting divorced," she shouts. "I'll take care of this."

She calls home immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're coming for Christmas - and they're paying their own way."

-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------
Amazon.com
Online shopping from the earth's biggest selection of books, magazines,
music, DVDs, videos, electronics, computers, software, apparel & accessories,
shoes, jewelry, housewares, furniture, sporting goods, beauty & personal care,
just about anything else.
Shop at Amazon!
http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=jokeswareh-20

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20091207

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 6th December, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 6th December, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
More Tiger
-------------------------

What was Elin doing out at 2.30 in the morning? Clubbing

Why did Tiger crashed into a fire hydrant AND a tree? He couldn't decide between a wood and an iron.

Why did Phil Mickelson call Elin yesterday? To pick up some tips on how to beat Tiger.

What is the penalty for getting it in the wrong hole? Ask Tiger, he knows.

Whats the difference between a golf ball and a caddy? Tiger can drive a golf ball.

It turns out that fixing Tiger's game and fixing his marriage both require the same thing: better control over his putz.

Why was Tiger's wife mad at him? She heard that he played a-round in Australia.

What will the headline be if they prove it is domestic violence? TIGER'S WIFE MAKES THE CUT

Tiger just changed his nickname but still kept it in the cat family. Cheetah.

What do Tiger and the Beatles have in common? They both experienced a hit with Norwegian Wood.

What does Tiger have in common with a baby seal? They've both been clubbed by a Norwegian.

-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------
Amazon.com
Online shopping from the earth's biggest selection of books, magazines,
music, DVDs, videos, electronics, computers, software, apparel & accessories,
shoes, jewelry, housewares, furniture, sporting goods, beauty & personal care,
just about anything else.
Shop at Amazon!
http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=jokeswareh-20

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20091206

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Friday, December 4, 2009

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 4th December, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 4th December, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Rubbing It...
-------------------------

One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone had
written the word 'penis' in tiny small letters. She turned around, scanned the
class looking for the guilty face. Finding none, she quickly erased it, and
began her class.

The next day she went into the room and she saw, in larger letters, the word
'penis' again on the black board. Again, she looked around in vain for the
culprit, but found none, so she proceeded with the day's lesson.

Every morning, for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the
same word written on the board, and each day it was written in larger letters.

Finally, one day, she walked in, expecting to be greeted by the same word on
the board, but instead, found the words, "The more you rub it, the bigger it
gets!"

-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------
Amazon.com
Online shopping from the earth's biggest selection of books, magazines,
music, DVDs, videos, electronics, computers, software, apparel & accessories,
shoes, jewelry, housewares, furniture, sporting goods, beauty & personal care,
just about anything else.
Shop at Amazon!
http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=jokeswareh-20

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20091204

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 3rd December, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 3rd December, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Tiger Woods
-------------------------

Apparently, the only person who can beat Tiger Woods with a golf
club is his wife.

What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can
drive a ball 400 yards.

Ping just offered Tiger Woods' wife an endorsement contract
pushing her own set of drivers. They'll be named Elin Woods "the
clubs you can beat Tiger with."

News travels fast. The Chinese are already making a movie about
Tiger Woods' crash. They are calling it "Crouching Tiger, Hidden
Hydrant."

Tiger is now in trouble with his sponsor Gillette because he
said that "this was the closest shave I have had yet."

Tiger crashed his car because he was in a rush to move on to the
second hole.

It's not often that Tiger Woods starts out with a bad drive,
hits a water hazard, and ends up in the trees.

It's the first time Tiger's driven less then 250 yards.

What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the
morning? They went clubbing.

Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. Apparently
he couldn't decide between a wood and an iron.


-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------
Amazon.com
Online shopping from the earth's biggest selection of books, magazines,
music, DVDs, videos, electronics, computers, software, apparel & accessories,
shoes, jewelry, housewares, furniture, sporting goods, beauty & personal care,
just about anything else.
Shop at Amazon!
http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=jokeswareh-20

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20091203

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 2nd December, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 2nd December, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Neil Armstrong Secret Revealed...
-------------------------

On July 20, 1969, As Commander Of The Apollo 11 Lunar
Module, Neil Armstrong Was The First Person To Set Foot On
The Moon.

His First Words After Stepping On The Moon,
'that's One Small Step For Man, One Giant Leap For Mankind,'
Were Televised To Earth And Heard By Millions.

But Just Before He Re-entered The Lander, He Made The Enigmatic
Remark 'good Luck, Mr. Gorsky.'

Many People At Nasa Thought It Was A Casual Remark Concerning Some Rival Soviet Cosmonaut.
However, Upon Checking, There Was No Gorsky In
Either The Russian Or American Space Programs.

Over The Years Many People Questioned Armstrong As To What The 'good Luck, Mr. Gorsky'... Statement Meant, But Armstrong Always Just Smiled.

On July 5, 1995, In Tampa Bay , Florida , While
Answering Questions Following A Speech, A Reporter Brought
Up The 26 Year-old Question To Armstrong. This Time He
Finally Responded. Mr. Gorsky Had Died, So Neil Armstrong
Felt He Could Now Answer The Question.

In 1938, When Neil Was A Kid In A Small Mid-west Town , He Was
Playing Baseball With A Friend In The Backyard. His Friend
Hit The Ball, Which Landed In His Neighbor's Yard By Their
Bedroom Window.

His Neighbors Were Mr. And Mrs. Gorsky.

As He Leaned Down To Pick Up The Ball, Young Armstrong Heard
Mrs. Gorsky Shouting At Mr. Gorsky. 'sex, You Want Sex Now??!!'

You'll Get Sex When The Kid Next Door Walks On The Moon!'

True Story

-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------
Amazon.com
Online shopping from the earth's biggest selection of books, magazines,
music, DVDs, videos, electronics, computers, software, apparel & accessories,
shoes, jewelry, housewares, furniture, sporting goods, beauty & personal care,
just about anything else.
Shop at Amazon!
http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=jokeswareh-20

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20091202

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 1st December, 2009

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 1st December, 2009 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Florist Mistake
-------------------------

On opening his new store, a man received a bouquet of flowers. He became
dismayed on reading the enclosed card, that it expressed "Deepest Sympathy".
While puzzling over the message, his telephone rang. It was the florist, apologizing
for having sent the wrong card.

"Oh, it's all right." said the storekeeper. "I'm a businessman and I understand how
these things can happen."

"But," added the florist, "I accidentally sent your card
to a funeral party."

"Well, what did it say?" ask the storekeeper.

"Congratulations on your new location'." was the reply.

-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------
Amazon.com
Online shopping from the earth's biggest selection of books, magazines,
music, DVDs, videos, electronics, computers, software, apparel & accessories,
shoes, jewelry, housewares, furniture, sporting goods, beauty & personal care,
just about anything else.
Shop at Amazon!
http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=jokeswareh-20

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20091201

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml