Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 31st August, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 31st August, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Bless Me Father
-------------------------

Bless me Father, for I have sinned.
I have been with a loose girl'.

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?

'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?'

'I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation'.

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later
so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?

'I cannot say.'

'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'

'I'll never tell.'

'Was it Nina Capelli?'

'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'

'Was it Cathy Piriano?'

'My lips are sealed.'

'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'

'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration.
'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that.
But you've sinned and have to atone.
You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months.
Now you go and behave yourself.'

Joey walks back to his pew,
and his friend Franco slides over and whispers,
'What'd you get?'

'Four months vacation and five good leads.'

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Monday, August 30, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 30th August, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 30th August, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Speed Limit
-------------------------

One Sunday, sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH.

He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as
dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his
lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back - wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! I always go exactly the speed limit. What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly! Twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.

The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask . . . Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks with concern.

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."

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Sunday, August 29, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 29th August, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 29th August, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Bad Time for a Blonde Joke
-------------------------

A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, you should know five things:

1 - The bartender is a blonde girl.

2 - The bouncer is a blonde gal.

3 - I'm a 6-foot tall, 200-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weight lifter.

5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.

Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

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Friday, August 27, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 27th August, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 27th August, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
You May Be a Taliban If...
-------------------------

1.. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor.

2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.

3. You have more wives than teeth.

4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon "unclean."

5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against.

7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four.

10. You've always had a crush on your neighbor's goat.

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Thursday, August 26, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 26th August, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 26th August, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Blonde Law and Order
-------------------------

The local sheriff in a small suburban town was looking for a deputy. He posted ads in the paper, and sure enough, Lisa, a wonderful looking blonde, went in to try out for the job. She wasn't the sharpest nail in the bucket, but seeing as she had a natural charisma about her, the sheriff gave her an interview...

"Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Lisa, what is 1 and 1?"

"11!" she enthusiastically replied.

The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but she's right in a way..."

"Okay, Lisa. What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"

"Shucks, that's easy," the blonde replied. "Today and tomorrow!"

The sheriff was again surprised that Lisa supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.

He thought of his next question carefully to make sure there could be no equivocation about the answer:

"Now Lisa, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"

Lisa looked a little surprised, thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."

"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while," the sheriff replied with satisfaction.

So, Lisa wandered over to the salon where her pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview.

"How'd it go?" they all asked.

Lisa was ecstatic. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

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Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 25th August, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 25th August, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Retirement
-------------------------

One day, while going to the store, I passed by Lanark Lodge. On the front lawn were six old ladies lying naked on the grass. I thought this was a bit unusual, but continued on my way to the store.

On my return trip, I passed the same nursing home with the same six old ladies lying naked on the lawn.

This time my curiosity got the best of me, & I went inside to talk to the Nursing Home Administrator.
'Do you know there are six ladies lying naked on your front lawn?'

'Yes,' she said. 'They 're retired prostitutes, & they're having a yard
sale.'

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Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 24th August, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 24th August, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
It Was A Tough Year...But I Made It
-------------------------

The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

I ordered a burger at McDonald's, and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you have to call them and ask if they mean you or them.

Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 'ouncer'.

Parents in Beverly Hills and Malibu are firing their nannies and learning their children's names.

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .

Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.

Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.

The Mafia is laying off judges.

BP Oil laid off 25 Congressmen.

Congress says they are looking into the Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!

And, finally...

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, and our bleak future, that I called the Suicide Lifeline and was connected to a call center in Pakistan. When I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck..

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Monday, August 23, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 23rd August, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 23rd August, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Fast Eddie
-------------------------

Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office.... but she was dating someone else.

One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said, "I'll give you a $100 if you let me have sex with you." The girl looked at him, then said, "NO."

Eddie said, "I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up."

She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boyfriend.... so she called him and explained the situation.

Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, pick up the money really fast... he won't even be able to get his pants down." She agreed and accepts the proposal.

Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks, "what happened....?"

Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, "The bastard had all quarters!"

Management Lesson:

Always carefully consider a business proposition in it's entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed!


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Sunday, August 22, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 22nd August, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 22nd August, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Drunken Irishman
-------------------------

A drunken Irishman is driving through the city of Dublin on
St. Patty's Day and his car is weaving violently all over
the road. An Irish cop pulls him over.

"So," says the cop to the driver, "where have you been?"

"I've been to the pub," slurs the drunk.

"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a
few."

"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.

"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding
his arms, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out
of your car?"

"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the man. "For a minute there, I
thought I'd gone deaf."

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Friday, August 20, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 20th August, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 20th August, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Grandma
-------------------------

I was out walking with my 4-year-old Grand daughter. She picked up something off of the ground and started to put it in her mouth.
I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.

'Why?' my Granddaughter asked.

'Because it's been on the ground; you don't know where it's been, it's
dirty, and probably has germs,' I replied. At this point, my Granddaughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, 'Grandma, how do you know all this stuff? You are so smart.'

I was thinking quickly. 'All Grandmas know this stuff. It's on the Grandma Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Grandma.'

We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information. 'Oh.....I get it!' she beamed, 'So if you don't pass the test you have to be the Grandpa'.

'Exactly,' I replied with a big smile on my face.

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Thursday, August 19, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 19th August, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 19th August, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Deer Camp
-------------------------

Four guys were at deer camp. They had to bunk two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. The other two said, "Man, what happened to you?" He said, "Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."

The next night it was the second guy's turn. In the morning, Same thing happens again, his hair is standing up, eyes all bloodshot.

The other two said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!"

He said, "Man, that Daryl shakes the roof. I sat up and watched him all night."

The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football player; a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning," he said. The other two couldn't believe it!

He looked rested and wide awake. They asked, "Man, what happened?"

He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed, patted his butt and kissed him good night. Daryl sat up and watched me all night."


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Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 18th August, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 18th August, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Mr. Gorsky
-------------------------

On July 20, 1969, As Commander Of The Apollo 11 Lunar Module, Neil
Armstrong Was The First Person To Set Foot On The Moon.

His First Words After Stepping On The Moon, "that's One Small Step For
Man, One Giant Leap For Mankind," Were Televised To Earth And Heard By
Millions.

But Just Before He Reentered The Lander, He Made The Enigmatic Remark
"good Luck, Mr. Gorsky."

Many People At Nasa Though It Was A Casual Remark Concerning Some Rival
Soviet Cosmonaut.

However, Upon Checking, There Was No Gorsky In Either The Russian Or
American Space Programs.

Over The Years Many People Questioned Armstrong As To What The "good
Luck, Mr. Gorsky... Statement Meant, But Armstrong Always Just Smiled.

On July 5, 1995, In Tampa Bay , Florida , While Answering Questions
Following A Speech, A Reporter Brought Up The 26-year-old Question To
Armstrong. This Time He Finally Responded.

Mr. Gorsky Had Died, So Neil Armstrong Felt He Could Answer The Question.


In 1938 When He Was A Kid In A Small Mid-west Town , He Was Playing
Baseball With A Friend In The Backyard.

His Friend Hit The Ball, Which Landed In His Neighbor's Yard By The
Bedroom Windows.

His Neighbors Were Mr. And Mrs. Gorsky.

As He Leaned Down To Pick Up The Ball, Young Armstrong Heard Mrs. Gorsky
Shouting At Mr. Gorsky.


"Sex! You Want Sex?! You'll Get Sex When The Kid Next Door Walks On The
Moon!"

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Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 17th August, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 17th August, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
The Vikes, Packers & the Pope
-------------------------

On a tour of Texas, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the coast for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach in the pope-mobile when there was a frantic commotion just off shore. A helpless man wearing a Green Bay Packer jersey was struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 25-foot shark.

As the Pope watched, horrified, a speedboat came racing up with three men wearing Minnesota Viking jerseys. One quickly fired a harpoon into the shark's side. The other two reached out and pulled the bleeding, semi-conscious Packer Backer from the water, Then, using long clubs, the three beat the shark to death and hauled it into the boat.

Immediately the Pope shouted and summoned them to the beach. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions," he told them. "I heard that there was bitter hatred between Green Bay Packers & Vikings fans, but now I have seen with my own eyes that this is not true." As the Pope drove off, the harpooner asked his buddies "who was that"?

"It was the Pope," one replied. "He is in direct contact with God and has access to all of God's wisdom."

"Well," the harpooner said, "he may have access to God's wisdom, but he doesn't know anything about shark fishing. Is the bait holding up O.K., or do we need to get another one"?

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Monday, August 16, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 16th August, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 16th August, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Shark Attack
-------------------------

Why do Sharks circle you before attacking?

Two great white sharks, swimming in the ocean, spied survivors of a sunken ship.
"Follow me, son." the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people .


"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did .


"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did .

"Now we eat everybody." And they did .

When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"


His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the sh*t inside!"

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Sunday, August 15, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 15th August, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 15th August, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Dents
-------------------------

A blonde was driving home after a football game, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.

Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"

The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. Her roommate rolled her eyes and said, ...

"HELLLLO" "You need to roll up the windows"

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Saturday, August 14, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 14th August, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 14th August, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Italian Don
-------------------------

An old Italian Mafia 'Don' is dying and he calls his grandson into his bedroom.

'Lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me.'

'But grandpa, I really don't lika guns. Howzabout you leava me your Rolex watch instead?'

'Shuddup an lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business.....you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big home and maybe a couple a bambinos.'

'Somma day you gonna comma home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. Whadda you gonna do then ....... pointa to your watch and say 'Times up?'

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Friday, August 13, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 13th August, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 13th August, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
100 Pounds of Dynamite
-------------------------

The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says,
"What a great chest you have!"

He tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby."

He takes off his pants and the blonde says,' "What massive calves you have!"
The body builder tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby."

He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the apartment
screaming in fear. The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her.
He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.

The blonde replies, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite
after I saw how short the fuse was!"

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Thursday, August 12, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 12th August, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 12th August, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Blonde Bet
-------------------------

Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM

He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.

The 10:00 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering a
story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said, 'Do you think he'll jump?'
Bob says, 'You know, I bet he'll jump.'

The blonde replied, 'Well, I bet he won't.'
Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, 'You're on!'

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge
did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob,
saying, 'Fair's fair. Here's your money.'

Bob replied, 'I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 6 PM
news and so I knew he would jump.'

The blonde replied, 'I saw it too; but I didn't think he'd do it again.'

Bob took the money......

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Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 11th August, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 11th August, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
How to be a Gunfighter
-------------------------

Marvin had always wanted to be a gunfighter. He grew up in the old West. As a child he read everything about gunfighters he could find. His hero was Billy the Kidd. He dreamed of being just like his hero. One day he went to town and bought himself a black hat, some black clothes, a black horse and two pistols. He went home and every day he went out behind his barn, and practiced shooting.

After two weeks he was getting to be quite a good shot. He decided it was time to show off. He put on his black clothes and hat, strapped on his guns and rode into town. When he walked into the saloon, standing at the bar he saw Billy the Kidd. He was so excited! He walked up and said, "Mr. Kidd, I am your biggest fan. I have always wanted to be just like you. Look at me. Do I look like a gunfighter?"

Billy looked him over and said, "Well, you have the right clothes and you have a nice black hat, and I see you rode up on a black horse. But, can you shoot?"

Marvin looked around the room and said, "See that piano player over there?" He drew his pistol and fired, shooting the cufflink off the piano player's shirt.

Billy said, "Not bad. Can you shoot with your left hand? A gunfighter's got to be able to shoot with both hands."

Marvin drew his other pistol and fired, shooting off the piano player's other cufflink. Billy said, "That's mighty fine shooting. I just have one piece of advice for you."

Marvin was bubbling with excitement, "What is it? What else should I do?"

Billy spoke slowly, "Well, go back into the kitchen there and get a big tub of lard. Take both of your pistols and rub them around in the lard, get them good and slick."

Marvin was puzzled. He asked, "Why is that important? What good will rubbing my pistols in lard do?"

Billy replied, "It won't help your shooting at all, but when Wyatt Earp finishes playing the piano over there he's going to shove both of your pistols up your ass."

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Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 10th August, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 10th August, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
The Devil
-------------------------

George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell.

While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The
devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.

Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished
the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin
writes him a check.

Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she is
finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so
she writes him a check.

Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he is
finished the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00.

When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got
to call the USA so cheaply. The devil smiles and replies: "Since Obama
took over, the country has gone to hell, so it's a local call."

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Monday, August 9, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 9th August, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 9th August, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
The Milkman
-------------------------

A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"

The blonde said, "No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."

The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"

The blonde said, "No, just up to my boobs. I can splash it on my eyes."


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Sunday, August 8, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 8th August, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 8th August, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
The Preachers Paycheck
-------------------------

A pastor's wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck.

After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's expanding salary. A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church, and how much more it could potentially cost.

After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his chair and spoke, 'Children are a gift from God, and we will take as many gifts as He gives us'.

Silence fell on the congregation.

In the back pew, a little old lady struggled to stand, and finally said in her frail voice, 'Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers.'

The entire congregation said, 'Amen.'

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Saturday, August 7, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 7th August, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 7th August, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Psychopath Test
-------------------------

Read this question, come up with an answer and then scroll down to the bottom for the result. This is not a trick question.
It is as it reads. No one I know has gotten it right. Few people do.

A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met a guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy was amazing.
She believed him to be her dream guy so much that she fell in love with him right there, but never asked for his number and
could not find him. A few days later she killed her sister.

Question: What is her motive for killing her sister?

[Give this some thought before you answer, see answer below]

Answer:

She was hoping the guy would appear at the funeral again. If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath.
This was a test by a famous American psychologist used to determine if one has the same mentality as a killer.
Many arrested serial killers took part in the test and answered the question correctly. If you didn't answer the question
correctly, good for you...

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Friday, August 6, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 6th August, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 6th August, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Actual Federal Employee Evaluation Quotes
-------------------------

1. Works well only when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap


2. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.


3. I would not allow this employee to breed.


4. This employee is really not so much of a has-been but more of a definite won't be.


5. Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.


6. When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.


7. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.


8. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.


9. She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.


10. This employee should go far-and the sooner he starts the better.


11. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.


12. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.


13. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.


14. A room temperature IQ.


15. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.


16. A gross ignoramus-144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.


17. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.


18. A prime candidate for natural deselection.


19. Bright as Alaska in December.


20. One-celled organisms out score him in IQ tests.


21. Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.


22. Fell out of the family tree.


23. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train is going nowhere.


24. Has two brains, one is lost and the other is out looking for it.


25. He is so dense, light bends around him.


26. If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.


27. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.


28. If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.


29. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.


30. It is hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.


31. One neuron short of a synapse.


32. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargled.


33. Takes him 1 1/2 hours to watch the 60 minutes program.


34. Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby.


35. Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.


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Thursday, August 5, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 5th August, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 5th August, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Is Hell Endothermic or Exothermic?
-------------------------

Dr. Schlambaugh, a senior lecturer at the Chemical Engineering
Department,University of Oklahoma, is known for posing questions on
final exams like: "Why do airplanes fly?"

In May a few years ago, the "Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer " exam
paper contained the question:

"Is Hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof."

Most students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or
similar. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we must postulate that if souls exist, they must have some mass.
If they do, then a mole of souls also must have a mass. So, at what rate
are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think
we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it does not leave.
Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for souls entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that
exist in the world today. Some religions say that if you are not a
member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than
one of these religions, and people do not belong to more than one
religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell. With
the birth and death rates what they are, we can expect the number of
souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of
change in the volume of Hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the
temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass
of the souls and volume needs to stay constant.

[Answer 1] So, if Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at
which souls enter Hell, then the temperature in Hell will increase until
all Hell breaks loose.

[Answer 2] Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the
increase in souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop
until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate (given to me by Teresa Banyan
during freshman year) that "it'll be a cold day in Hell before I sleep
with you", and taking into account that I still have not succeeded in
having sexual relations with her, then [Answer 2] cannot be correct;

...... thus, Hell is exothermic.

The student got the only A.

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Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 4th August, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 4th August, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Three Little Pigs
-------------------------

Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night.. The waiter came and took their drink order.

'I would like a Sprite,' said the first little piggy.


'I would like a Coke,' said the second little piggy.

'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little piggy.

The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner

'I want a nice big steak,' said the first piggy..


'I would like the salad plate,' said the second piggy.

'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little piggy.

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.

'I want a banana split,' said the first piggy.

'I want a cheesecake,' said the second piggy.

'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' exclaimed the third little piggy.


'Pardon me for asking,' said the waiter to the third little piggy,'

But why have you only ordered beer all evening?'

The third piggy says -

'Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!

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Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 3rd August, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 3rd August, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Funeral Procession
-------------------------

Two men were golfing, and the fairway of the hole they were playing was adjacent to a road. The first man was setting up for his swing, when a funeral procession went by on the road. He stopped, faced the procession for a moment, then bowed his head in prayer as the hearse passed by. Only when the procession had passed out of view did he resume playing, driving his ball to the green.

As they were walking toward the green, the second man said, "That was a touching show of respect for the the deceased back there. I had no idea you were so sentimental."

The first man shrugged and said, "It's the least I could do. I was married to her for thirty years."

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Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

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Monday, August 2, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 2nd August, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 2nd August, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Blind Date
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" How was your blind date ? "

" Terrible ! He showed up in a 1935 Rolls Royce. "

" What's so terrible about that ? "

" He was the original owner ! "

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just about anything else.
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Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20100802

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Sunday, August 1, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 1st August, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 1st August, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Tour Bus Driver
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A tour bus driver is driving with a bus full of old aged pensioners when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.

She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on the shoulder again and she hands the driver another handful of peanuts.

When she is about to hand him another batch again, he asks her "Why don't you eat the peanuts?"

"We can't chew them because we have no teeth", she replied.

"We just love the chocolate around them."

-------------------------
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-------------------------
Amazon.com
Online shopping from the earth's biggest selection of books, magazines,
music, DVDs, videos, electronics, computers, software, apparel & accessories,
shoes, jewelry, housewares, furniture, sporting goods, beauty & personal care,
just about anything else.
Shop at Amazon!
http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=jokeswareh-20

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20100801

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