Saturday, January 31, 2015

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 31st January, 2015

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 31st January, 2015 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Heaven or Hell
-------------------------

A young woman came home and told her mom that her steady
boyfriend had proposed, but she had turned him down
because she found out he was an atheist, and didn't
believe in Heaven or Hell.

"Marry him anyway, honey. Between the two of us, we'll
show him just how very wrong he is."






-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150131

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Friday, January 30, 2015

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 30th January, 2015

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 30th January, 2015 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
The Donkey
-------------------------

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried
piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered
up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and
help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the
well.

At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then,
to everyone's amazement he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the
farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw.
With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something
amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal,
he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over
the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to
getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone.
We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up!
Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.
2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.
3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less

NOW --------

Enough of that crap . .
The donkey later came back and bit the sh*t out of
the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the
bite got infected, and the farmer eventually died in
agony from septic shock.

MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:
When you do something wrong and try to cover your
ass, it always comes back to bite you.





-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150130

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 28th January, 2015

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 28th January, 2015 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Two Wishes
-------------------------

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.

As he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their orders.

The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the
ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $6.40
please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change
for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "I'll
have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and the ostrich says, "I'll have the
same."

Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes a routine until late one evening, the two enter again.

"The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a
steak, baked potato and salad," says the man, "same for me," says the
ostrich.

A short time later the waitress comes with the order and says, "That will be
$12.62."Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places
it on the table.

The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer.

"Excuse me, sir.How do you manage to always come up with the exact change
out of your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I
found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two
wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would
just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be
there."

"That's brilliant!"says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a million
dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long
as you live!"

"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact
money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses, and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick
with long legs who agrees with everything I say."





-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150128

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 27th January, 2015

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 27th January, 2015 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
The Bear Trap
-------------------------

A hunter was rushed into the emergency room with a bear trap
clamped onto his testicles. As the horrified doctor was
examining him, he said "Man, how did this happen?"

The hunter explains that he was out in the woods and felt
the call of nature. Bending down by a tree, the bear trap
was triggered and snapped shut on his testicles. "Oh,"
exclaims the doctor, "The pain must have been excruciating!"


"It was," said the hunter. "The second worst pain in my
life."


"Second worst? What could have been worse than that?"


"Coming to the end of the chain" said the hunter.






-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150127

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Monday, January 26, 2015

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 26th January, 2015

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 26th January, 2015 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
The Sparrow
-------------------------

Once upon a time there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly decided to fly south. In a short time ice began to form on his wings and he fell to Earth in a barnyard, nearly frozen solid. A cow passed by where he had fallen, and crapped on the little sparrow.The sparrow thought it was the end, but the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings!

Warm and happy, able to breath, he started to sing.

Just then a large cat came by, and hearing the chirping he investigated the sounds. The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird, and promptly ate him.

The Moral of the Story:
Everyone who craps on you is not necessarily your enemy
Everyone who gets you out of crap is not necessarily your friend.
And if you're warm and happy in a pile of crap, you might just want to keep your mouth shut.




-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150126

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 25th January, 2015

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 25th January, 2015 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Words for the Wise
-------------------------

1 . Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

3. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" She hit me.

4. I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast.

5. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."

6. I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.

7. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

8. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

9. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.

10. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and Shithead's.

11. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

12. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore, I am perfect.

13. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

14. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

15. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

16. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

17. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

18. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"

19. A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn..that was fun!








There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire
to become a great writer.

When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that
the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a
truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl
in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.





-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150125

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Saturday, January 24, 2015

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 24th January, 2015

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 24th January, 2015 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Great Writer
-------------------------

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire
to become a great writer.

When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that
the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a
truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl
in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.





-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150124

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Friday, January 23, 2015

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 23rd January, 2015

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 23rd January, 2015 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Two Robins
-------------------------

Two robins were sitting in a tree.

"I'm really hungry," said the first one. "Let's fly down and find some lunch."

They flew down to the ground and found a nice plot of newly plowed ground that was full of worms. They ate and ate and ate till they could eat no more.

"I'm so full, I don't think I can fly back up into the tree," said the first one.

"Let's just lay back here and bask in the warm sun," said the second.

"O K," said the first.

So they plopped down, basking in the sun. No sooner than they had fallen asleep, when a big fat tomcat came up and gobbled them up.

As the cat sat washing his face after his meal, he thought...

"I JUST LOVE BASKIN ROBINS."






-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150123

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 22nd January, 2015

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 22nd January, 2015 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Mississippi Student Absentees
-------------------------


I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out
loud! These are real notes written from parents in a Mississippi school
district. (Spellings have been left intact.)

My son is under a doctor's care and should not take
P.E. today. Please execute him.

Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and
I had her shot.

Dear School: Please ekscuse John Henry being absent
on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33

Please excuse Gloria Jean from Jim today. She is
administrating

Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days.
Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

John has been absent because he had two teeth taken
out of his face.

Carlos was absent yesterday because he playing
football. He hurt in the growing part.

Ethel Pearl could not come to school today because she
has been bothered by very close veins.

Please xcuse LeRoy from school, he ain't got no rain
cot and it was missing rain.

Please excuse Bowdiddly fom school cause he uncle
died. Bow say, "I sho glad it want me."

Lugene will not be in school cus he has an acre in his
side .

Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very
loose vowels.

Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He
had(diahre)(dyrea)(direathe) the s----. [Words were
crossed out in the ( )'s}

Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He
had diarrhea and his boots leak.

Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his
bust.

Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's
fault.

I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas
shopping because I don't know what size she wear.

Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday.
We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it
Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

Sally won't be in school a weak from Friday. We have
to attend her funeral.

My daughter was absent yesterday because she was
tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.

Please excuse Willie being absent yesterday. He had a
cold and could not breed well.

Please excuse Mary Ann for being absent yestitty. She
was in bed with gramps.

Lizie was absent yesterday as she was having a
gangover.

Please excuse Brenda, she been sick and under the
doctor.

Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a
fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick,
fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached
all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be
something going around, her father even got hot last night.





-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150122

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 21st January, 2015

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 21st January, 2015 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Harley-Davidson
-------------------------

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.

At the pearly gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such
a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, Your
reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

Arthur thought about this for a minute and then said, "I want to
hang out with God."

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who
invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?"

Arthur said, "Yep, that's me."

God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's
pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, "Excuse me,
but aren't you the inventor of woman?"

God said, "Yes."

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some
major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions;
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;
5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!"

"Hmmmmm, you have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."

God went to His Celestial super computer, typed in some key words
And waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and
God read it.

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to
Arthur, "but according to these statistics, more men are riding
my invention than yours."




-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150121

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 20th January, 2015

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 20th January, 2015 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Tax Man
-------------------------

At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said:
"I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?"

"Good question", noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles."

"Oh", replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way: "What about all these biscuit purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?"

"Ah, yes", replied the Rabbi, realising that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of holy biscuits."

"I see!" replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi", he went on, "What do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"

"Here, too, we do not waste", answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete prick."




-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150120

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Monday, January 19, 2015

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 19th January, 2015

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 19th January, 2015 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Blind Date
-------------------------

Jack had a blind date with Jill for the prom and, as the
evening progressed, he found himself attracted to her more and
more.

After some really passionate embracing, he said,"Tell me, do you
object to making love?"

"That is something I have never done before," Jill replied.

"Never made love? You mean you are a virgin?" Jack was amazed.

"No, silly!" she giggled. "Never objected!"








-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150119

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Sunday, January 18, 2015

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 18th January, 2015

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 18th January, 2015 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Wisdom
-------------------------

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a word or two of thanks, she got in the car.

After resuming the journey and a bit of small talk, the Navajo woman noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally. "What's in the bag?" asked the old woman.
Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine. Got it for my husband."

The Navajo woman was silent for a moment, and then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder said, "Good trade."




-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150118

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Saturday, January 17, 2015

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 17th January, 2015

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 17th January, 2015 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Damned Old Age!
-------------------------

A couple in their nineties are BOTH having problems remembering things. They decide to go to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they're physically in good condition for their age, but if they are having trouble remembering they might want to start writing things down to help them.

Later that night while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. "Where are you going?" his wife asks.

"To the kitchen" he replies.

"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

"Sure."

"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks, recalling the doctor's suggestion.

"No, I can remember it."

"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. You'd better write it down because you know you'll forget it."

He says, "I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so you'd better write it down!" she retorts.

Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down. Just don't start with that! Leave me alone!! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. I got it, for goodness sake!" Then he grumbles on into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment and says, "Where's my toast?"




-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150117

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Friday, January 16, 2015

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 16th January, 2015

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 16th January, 2015 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Late for Work
-------------------------

Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week
and found the boss waiting for him. "What's the story this time, Jones?"
he asked sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change."

Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to
drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the
drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river,
look, my suit's still damp -- ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr.
Thompson's helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was
carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes."

"You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss, obviously
disappointed. "No woman can get ready in ten minutes."





-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150116

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 15th January, 2015

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 15th January, 2015 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Snow Plow
-------------------------

Michael and his wife live in Minnesota. One winter morning while listening to WCCO, they hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Michael's wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later, while they were eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street so the snowplow can get through." Michael's wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park......", then the electric power goes out. Michael's wife is very upset and, with a worried look on her face, she says, "Honey, I don' know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?"

With the love and understanding in Michael's voice, like all the men who are married to blondes exhibit, Michael says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time.






-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150115

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 14th January, 2015

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 14th January, 2015 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
King Arthur
-------------------------

King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer; he would be put to death.

The question? . . . What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with every one, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.

But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.

The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice, compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:

What a woman really wants, she answered . . . is to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.

And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth be her horrible, deformed self only half-the-time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day . . . or night?

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?

What would YOU do?

What Lancelot chose is below. BUT . . . make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?

Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

Now . . . what is the moral to this story?

The moral is . . .

If you don't let a woman have her own way . . .

Things are going to get ugly!




-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150114

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 13th January, 2015

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 13th January, 2015 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
The Elevator
-------------------------

A business man got on an elevator.when he entered,there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright ,"t-g-i-f"

He smiled at her and replied,"s-h-i-t"

She looked puzzled,and repeated,"t-g-i-f".

More slowly he answered,"s-h-i-t"

The blonde was trying to keep it friendly,so,she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly
as possibly,"t-g-i-f"

The man smiled back to her and once again"s-h-i-t".

The exasperated blonde decided to explain what "t-g-i-f" means "thank goodness it`s friday",get it duuhhh?

The man answered"s-h-i-t" means "sorry honey it`s thursday."




-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150113

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Monday, January 12, 2015

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 12th January, 2015

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 12th January, 2015 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Car Accident
-------------------------

A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, 'Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but..... something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it.'

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, 'You've got $9,000 in insurance compensation coming and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did - better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's $1,000 an inch.'

The man perks up at this. 'So,' the doctor says, 'it's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your
wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision.'

The man agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day.
'So,' says the doctor, 'have you spoken with your wife?'

'I have,' says the man.

'And has she helped you in making the decision?'

'Yes, she has,' says the man.

'And what is it?' asks the doctor.

'We're getting granite countertops.'




-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150112

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 11th January, 2015

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 11th January, 2015 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
A Minute
-------------------------

Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close
enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord. .
"God, what does a million years mean to you?"

The Lord replies, "A minute."

Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to
you?"

The Lord replies, "A penny."

Smith asks," Can I have a penny?"

The Lord replies, "In a minute".





-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150111

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Saturday, January 10, 2015

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 10th January, 2015

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 10th January, 2015 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Health Care
-------------------------

INFORMATION YOU NEED TO HELP YOU CHOOSE YOUR NEXT HEALTH PLAN ..

Q. What does HMO stand for?

A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "HEY MOE."
Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three
Stooges,who discovered that a patient could be made to forget
about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes.


Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor
I want?

A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your
insurer will provide you with a book listing all the
doctors in the plan. These doctors basically fall into two
categories -- those who are no longer accepting new
patients, and those who will see you but are no longer
participating in the plan. But don't worry; the remaining
doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an
office just a half-day's drive away and has a
diploma from a Third World Country.

Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?

A. No. Only those you need.


Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions?

A Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.


Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?

A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.


Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name
brand. I tried the Generic Medication, but it gave me a stomachache. What
should I do?

A. Poke yourself in the eye.


Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick?

A. You really shouldn't do that.


Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can
handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a
heart transplant right in his office?

A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $15
co-payment, there's no harm in giving him a shot at it.






-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150110

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Friday, January 9, 2015

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 9th January, 2015

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 9th January, 2015 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
A Dog's Life
-------------------------

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise.
- Unknown

Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
- Unknown

Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about puppies.
- Gene Hill

In dog years, I'm dead.
- Unknown

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.
- Aldous Huxley

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times
before lying down.
- Robert Benchley

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's
how dogs spend their lives.
- Sue Murphy

I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to
bite people themselves.
- August Strindberg

No animal should ever jump up on the dining room furniture unless absolutely
certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.
- Fran Lebowitz

Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a
grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They
must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!
- Anne Tyler

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
- Rita Rudner

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can.
That's almost $7.00 in dog money.
- Joe Weinstein

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have
known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.
- James Thurber

You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with
pets.
- Nora Ephron

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are
wonderful.
- Ann Landers

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get
used to the idea.
- Robert A. Heinlein

In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should
have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.
- Dereke Bruce, Taipei, Taiwan

Of all the things I miss from veterinary practice, puppy breath is one of
the most fond memories!
- Dr. Tom Cat

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.
- Ben Williams

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.
- Edward Abbey

Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look
like the dog did it.
- Unknown

Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail.
- Unknown

No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog
does.
- Christopher Morley

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
- Josh Billings

Man is a dog's idea of what God should be.
- Holbrook Jackson

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
- Andrew A. Rooney

He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life,
his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat
of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
- Unknown

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you;
that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
- Mark Twain

Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually unnoticed by a Great Dane.
- Smiley Blanton

I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt,
and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts.
- John Steinbeck





-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150109

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Thursday, January 8, 2015

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 8th January, 2015

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 8th January, 2015 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
The Pharmacist
-------------------------

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the
door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained,
"It's the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly
this morning on the phone."


Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront
the phamacist and demand an apology. Before he
could say more than a few words, the druggist
told him, "Now, just a minute, please listen
to my side of it...


This morning the alarm failed to go off, so
I was late getting up. I went without breakfast
and hurried out to the car, just to realize that
I locked the house with both house and car keys
inside. I had to break a window to get my keys.
Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding
ticket.


Later, about three blocks from the store, I
had a flat tire. When I got to the store there
was a bunch of people waiting for me to open
up. I opened and started waiting on these people,
and all the time the darn phone was ringing off
the hook."


He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of
nickels against the cash register drawer to make
change, and they spilled all over the floor.
I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the
nickels; the phone was still ringing. When I
came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer,
which made me stagger back against a showcase
with bunch of perfume bottles on it...all of
them hit the floor and broke.


Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with
no let up, and I finally got to answer it. It
was your wife. She wanted to know how to use
a rectal thermometer...and, honest mister, all
I did was tell her!"





-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150108

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 7th January, 2015

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 7th January, 2015 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Books
-------------------------

I'm reading an incredibly interesting book about antigravity.
"I just can't put it down."

I am reading a book on the paranormal, I didn't buy it it just appeared....

I just *know* someone is going to post about the psychic's book...

I was going to buy "The power of Positive Thought", but what's the point..

I heard about a great book concerning how to deal with apathy but I
couldn't be bothered to go to the store and buy it.

I tried reading a book about natural fertilizers for your garden
but it was full of crap.

I was going to buy a book on curing procrastination but I put of until
tomorrow....or maybe the day after.

I tried to read a book on curing insomnia, but I kept falling asleep.





-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150107

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 6th January, 2015

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 6th January, 2015 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
The Sign
-------------------------

A psychotherapist was enjoying a growing practice since he graduated
college. So much so that he could now afford to have a proper sign
advertising his services. So he told a kid to paint a signboard for
him & put it above his clinic entrance.

Instead of his business building up, it declined steeply. He had
especially noticed the ladies shying away from his clinic after
reading the sign. So he decided to check it out for himself.
One look and he understood why. The boy only found a small wooden
board to paint the sign on and he had split the word psychotherapist
into the 3 words. His new sign read:
Psycho-
the-
rapist





-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150106

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Monday, January 5, 2015

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 5th January, 2015

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 5th January, 2015 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Cops with a Sense of Humor
-------------------------

Who says cops don't have a sense of humor? The following were taken off of actual police car videos around the country.

"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun."

"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh ... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop."

"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

"Just how big were those two beers?"

"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."





-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150105

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Sunday, January 4, 2015

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 4th January, 2015

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 4th January, 2015 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Blind Man
-------------------------

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."

The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus ... so shut up."




-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150104

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Saturday, January 3, 2015

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 3rd January, 2015

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 3rd January, 2015 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Old Lady's Phone
-------------------------

An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called -- and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her pet dog always moaned right before the phone rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile elderly lady. He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned loudly and the telephone began to ring. Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found.....

1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire via a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the phone number was called.
4. After a couple of such jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate on himself and the ground.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.

.....Which goes to show that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning





-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150103

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Friday, January 2, 2015

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 2nd January, 2015

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 2nd January, 2015 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Healthier
-------------------------

Two old guys were sitting in the park, talking, when the
subject turned to getting older. The first guy said, "Women
have all the luck when it comes to getting older."

"What do you mean?" asked the second guy.


"Well," replied the first. "I can barely remember the last
time I was able to get it up in bed, but my wife is
healthier than ever!"


"Healthier? How is that?" his buddy wondered.


"Well, years ago, when we were younger, almost every night
before bed she'd get these terrible headaches." he answered.


"Now that we're older, she hasn't had a headache in years."





-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150102

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Thursday, January 1, 2015

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 1st January, 2015

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 1st January, 2015 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Hate Your Job?
-------------------------

Try this...

On your way home from work, stop at a pharmacy and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson. Be very sure to get this brand.

When you get home, lock your doors, close the blinds and take the phone off the hook so you will not be disturbed. Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair.

Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken. Take out the literature and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement....

"Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested."

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, "I am soooo glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control at Johnson & Johnson."




-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------


Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20150101

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml