Monday, October 31, 2016

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 31st October, 2016

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 31st October, 2016 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Survey
-------------------------

For his final project in a statistics class, a student decided to
conduct a survey. He chose to find out peoples' favorite pastimes.

The teacher required that he sample at least 100 people, so he started
out his project visiting a fairly large apartment building near the
university.

He knocked on the first door and a man answered.

"Sir, what is your name?" asked the student.

"John."

"Sir, I'm doing a school study and would like to know what is your
favorite pastime?"

"Watching bubbles in the bath," came the reply.

He liked the esoterical answer and continued down the hall, until he
came to the next door.

He asked again, "Sir, what is your name ?"

"Jeff."

"Sir, Would you please tell me your favorite pastime?"

"Watching bubbles in a bath," was the answer.

Quite amused and confused, he went on to ask a good number of people
in the building and all of them had the same pastime...
"watching bubbles in a bath".

He left the building and walked across the street where there were
several row houses, to continue the survey.

At the first house, he knocks and an attractive girl opens the door.

Our surveyor starts again - "What is your name?"

"Bubbles."




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Sunday, October 30, 2016

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 30th October, 2016

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 30th October, 2016 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Panhandling
-------------------------

Carlos panhandles just as long as Jose but only collects 2 to 3
dollars every day.

Jose brings home a suitcase FULL of $10 bills, drives a Mercedes,
lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend.

Carlos says to Jose, "I work just as long and hard as you do but how do you bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day?".

Jose says, .... "Look at your sign, what does it say?"

Carlos' sign reads, "I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support."

Jose says, "No wonder you only get $2-3 dollars."

Carlos says, "So what does your sign say?"

Jose shows Carlos his sign......

It reads, "I only need another $10.00 to move back to Mexico




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Saturday, October 29, 2016

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 29th October, 2016

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 29th October, 2016 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Volleyball
-------------------------

A married couple was watching volleyball game at a beach when the wife
spotted a couple in the bleachers. They were being very affectionate. The girl was running her hands all over the boyfriend and nibbling on his ear. He had his hands on her chest.

Looking at them, the wife said to her husband "I don't know whether to watch them or the game."

Husband said, "Better watch them! You already know how to play volleyball."





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Friday, October 28, 2016

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 28th October, 2016

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 28th October, 2016 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Golf Balls
-------------------------

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of
golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde.

The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his
bulging pockets.

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's
golf balls".

Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him
thoughtfully and finally, not being able to contain her curiosity any
longer, asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"



>/p>

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Thursday, October 27, 2016

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 27th October, 2016

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 27th October, 2016 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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Performance Evaluations
-------------------------

For everyone who has ever had an evaluation or performance review just
remember, it could have been worse. These are actual quotes taken from
United States Federal Government employee performance evaluations:

1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has
started to dig."

2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of definite
won't be."

4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a
trap."

5. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

7. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

8. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve
them."

9. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of its idiot."

10. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."

11. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all
together."

12. "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

13. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

14. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

15. "He's been working with glue too much."

16. "He would argue with a signpost."

17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

19. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."

20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

21. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."

22. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

24. "He's got two brain cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for
it."

25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."

28. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."

29. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."

30. "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60-minutes'."

31. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."





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Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 26th October, 2016

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 26th October, 2016 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Different Lawyer
-------------------------

YOU know you need a Different Lawyer when ......

* You met him in prison.

* During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.

* He tells you that his last good case was a Budweiser.

* When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.

* He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."

* He tells you that he's never told a lie.

* He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."

* A prison guard is shaving your head.




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Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 25th October, 2016

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 25th October, 2016 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Sarcastic Remarks For Work
-------------------------

And your crybaby whinny opinion would be...?

This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my
cats.

Does your train of thought have a caboose?

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

A PBS mind in an MTV world.

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.

Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.

Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

A woman's favorite position is CEO.

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep
yet.

Can I trade this job for what's behind door number 1?

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.

Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

I plead contemporary insanity.

How do I set a laser printer to stun?

Meandering to a different drummer.

I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go?





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Monday, October 24, 2016

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 24th October, 2016

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 24th October, 2016 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Finding You
-------------------------

I will seek and find You . . I shall take you to bed and have my way with you.

I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan.

I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop.

I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I'm
finished with you.

And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.

All my love,

The Flu

Now, get your mind out of the gutter and Go get your flu shot!




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Saturday, October 22, 2016

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 22nd October, 2016

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 22nd October, 2016 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Pirate in a Bar
-------------------------

A man was sitting at a bar when he noticed a pirate walk in the front door. The pirate had a peg leg,
a hook for one hand, and a patch over one eye. Feeling sorry for the pirate, the man said,
"Come over here friend. You look like you've had a hard life and I'd like
to buy you a drink." The pirate came over and ordered rum.

"Just out of curiosity," the man said, "how did you lose your leg?"

"Arrrgh!" said the pirate, "I lost that timber to a tiger shark in the Caribbean when I was thrown overboard
for stealing a man's rum."

"That's just terrible. How did you lose your hand?" the man said.

"Arrrgh!" said the pirate, "I lost that fighting cannibals off
Madagascar under Admiral Hawk."

"Oh my!" the man said, "I can't even imagine!
How did you lose your eye?"

"Arrrgh! A seagull pooped in it!" said the pirate.

"A seagull!" the man exclaimed. "Is seagull poop dangerous?!"

he asked. "Nay, matey, it was me first day with the hook..."




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Friday, October 21, 2016

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 21st October, 2016

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 21st October, 2016 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Logic
-------------------------

The reason there are so many problems between men and women is that
they have such different views of sex and relationships.

Women want a relationship without the complication of unnecessary sex.

Men want sex without the complication of an unnecessary relationship.




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Thursday, October 20, 2016

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 20th October, 2016

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 20th October, 2016 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Newlyweds
-------------------------

A week after their marriage, the Redneck newlyweds paid a visit to their doctor...
"I can't figure it out doc, and I'm really worried," said the husband.
"My testicles are turning blue."

"That's pretty unusual," said the doctor. "Let me examine you."

The doctor takes a look. Sure enough, the Redneck's testicles are blue.
The doctor turns to the wife. "Are you using the diaphragm that I
prescribed?"

"Yes, I am," she replied.

"And what kind of jelly are you using with it?"

"Grape"





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Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 19th October, 2016

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 19th October, 2016 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Two New Dogs
-------------------------

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.

The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'

'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'!



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Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 18th October, 2016

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 18th October, 2016 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Goldfish
-------------------------

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor
peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you doing there, Nancy?"

"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully without looking up, "and
I've just buried him."

The neighbor was very concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a
goldfish, isn't it?"

Nancy patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, "That's because he's inside your fricking cat."









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Monday, October 17, 2016

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 17th October, 2016

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 17th October, 2016 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Short Cut
-------------------------

A biker stopped by the local Harley Shop to have his bike repaired. They couldn't do the work while he waited, and so, since he didn't live far from the shop, he decided to walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. He stopped at the feed store / livestock dealer and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, he had a problem... How to carry his entire purchases home.

The feed store owner said, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?" "Hey, thanks!" said the biker, and out the door he went.

In the parking lot he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost, and asked if he could tell her the way to 1603 Mockingbird Lane.

The biker said, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane." We can take a short cut down this alley and be there in no time".

The little old lady looked him over cautiously, and then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish me?"

The biker said, "Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in Hell could I possibly hold you up against a wall and do that?"

The lady said, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."





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Sunday, October 16, 2016

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 16th October, 2016

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 16th October, 2016 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
The Test
-------------------------

Read this question, come up with an answer and then scroll down to the bottom for the result. This is not a trick question.
It is as it reads. No one I know has gotten it right. Few people do.

A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met a guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy was amazing.
She believed him to be her dream guy so much that she fell in love with him right there, but never asked for his number and
could not find him. A few days later she killed her sister.

Question: What is her motive for killing her sister?

[Give this some thought before you answer, see answer below]

Answer:

She was hoping the guy would appear at the funeral again. If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath.
This was a test by a famous American psychologist used to determine if one has the same mentality as a killer.
Many arrested serial killers took part in the test and answered the question correctly. If you didn't answer the question
correctly, good for you...




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Saturday, October 15, 2016

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 15th October, 2016

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 15th October, 2016 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Ex-Girlfriend
-------------------------

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sits alone at a nearby table.

The wife asks, "Do you know her?"

"Yes," sighs the husband, "she's my ex-girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" says the wife. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"




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Friday, October 14, 2016

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 14th October, 2016

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 14th October, 2016 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Dress Code
-------------------------

Dress Code:

1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will
assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a
raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better,
so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a
raise.

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and
therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If
you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called
Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for
dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have
non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare
cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be
scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work
through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a
strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes,
an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall
door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense,
your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the
"Chronic Offenders" category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break: (Love this one)

* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so
that they can look healthy.

* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to
maintain their average figure.

* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a
positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,
concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,
allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input
should be directed elsewhere.





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Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 12th October, 2016

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 12th October, 2016 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Eagle and the Rabbit
-------------------------

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.






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Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 11th October, 2016

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 11th October, 2016 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Stiff Neck
-------------------------

A five year old boy comes to visit his grandparents and notices his grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocker, wearing only a shirt, naked from the waist down.
"Grandpa, whatcha' doing? You're weenie's out and everybody can see!" he exclaimed.

Grandpa looked off in the distance, not answering.

"Grandpa, whatcha' doin' sitting out here with no pants on?" he asked again.

Grandpa looked at him and said, "Son, last week I sat here with no shirt on,
Just watching the cars go by.... and I got a stiff neck.
This is your Grandma's idea."






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Monday, October 10, 2016

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 10th October, 2016

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 10th October, 2016 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
100 Dollars
-------------------------

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened

Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00

When The postal authorities received the letter addressed to : God , USA ,
... they decided to send it to the President.

The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill.

The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down and wrote a thank-you note to God, which read:


Dear God , Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington, DC.
Do you know those bureaucrats deducted $95.00 in taxes!









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Sunday, October 9, 2016

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 9th October, 2016

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 9th October, 2016 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

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New Laws
-------------------------

The Law of Volunteering"
If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.

"The Law of Avoiding Oversell"
When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.

"The Law of Common Sense"
Never accept a drink from a urologist.

"The Law of Reality"
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

"The Law of Self Sacrifice"
When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.

"Weiler's Law"
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

"Law of Probable Dispersal"
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

"Law of Volunteer Labor"
People are always available for work in the past tense.

"Conway's Law"
In any organization there is one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.

"Iron Law of Distribution"
Them that has, gets.

"Law of Cybernetic Entomology"
There is always one more bug.

"Law of Drunkenness"
You can't fall off the floor.

"Heller's Law"
The first myth of management is that it exists.

"Osborne's Law"
Variables won't; constants aren't.

"Main's Law"
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.

"Weinberg's Second Law"
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would have destroyed civilization.





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Saturday, October 8, 2016

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 8th October, 2016

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 8th October, 2016 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Fabric Counter
-------------------------

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy
this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"

"Only one kiss per yard, " replied the smirking male clerk.

"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."

With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly
measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly.

The girl snapped up the package, pointed to a little old man standing beside her, smiled and said. "Grandpa pay the man."










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Thursday, October 6, 2016

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 6th October, 2016

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 6th October, 2016 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Alabama Preacher
-------------------------

An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.

This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate.

I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness From God and this Christian Family."

No one moved.

The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."

Again all was quiet.

Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding.
I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared!




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Wednesday, October 5, 2016

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 5th October, 2016

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 5th October, 2016 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
The Fisherman
-------------------------

A farmer in the country noticed that a gentleman would fish
at the lake (close to the farmer's house) and would always
leave with a stringer full of fish.

The fellow had a boat but a fishing pole was not to be seen.
The farmer mentioned the situation to the game warden. The
warden then started watching this man and all that the
farmer said was true! The man would arrive at the lake in
the morning and by early afternoon, he had a stringer full
of fish.


The warden dressed like a fisherman one day and approached
the man. They exchanged pleasantries and the stranger asked
the warden in disguise to come fish with him. They boated
for 45 minutes and arrived at a secluded spot.


The stranger then pulled out a stick of dynamite. The warden
said, "I'm going to have to place you under arrest--I am a
game warden and you are fishing illegally!"


The stranger calmly lit the stick of dynamite and handed it
to the warden. The stranger then said, "Are you gonna talk
or fish?"






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Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 4th October, 2016

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 4th October, 2016 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Words of Wisdom
-------------------------

The wise old Mother Superior from county Tipperary was
dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her
comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she
refused it. Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen.
Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift
the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount
into the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her
lips. Mother Superior drank a little, then a little more.
Before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to
the last drop.


"Mother", the nuns pleaded, "Please give us some wisdom
before you die". She raised herself up in bed with a pious
look on her face and said, "Don't sell that cow".






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Monday, October 3, 2016

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 3rd October, 2016

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 3rd October, 2016 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Tanjooberrymutts
-------------------------

By the time you read through this you wil understand 'TANJOOBERRYMUTTS'


The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service in a hotel ...

Room Service : "Morrin. Roon sirbees."

Guest : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."

Room Service: " Rye . Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???"

Guest: "Uh..... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs."

Room Service: "Ow ulai den?"

Guest: ".....What??"

Room Service: "Ow ulai den?!?... Pryed, boyud , pochd?"

Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry..Scrambled, please."

Room Service: "Ow ulai dee bayken? Creepse?"

Guest: "Crisp will be fine."

Room Service: "Hokay. Ansahn toes?"

Guest: "What?"

Room Service: "An toes. ulaisahn toes?"

Guest: "I.... Don't think so.."

RoomService: "No? Udo wan sahn toes???"

Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'udo wan sahn toes'
means."

RoomService: "Toes! Toes!...WhyUoo donwan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we botter?"

Guest: "Oh, English muffin! !! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'... Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

RoomService: "We botter?"

Guest: "No, just put the botter on the side."

RoomService: "Wad?!?"

Guest: "I mean butter... Just put the butter on the side."

RoomService: "Copy?"

Guest: "Excuse me?"

RoomService: "Copy...tea.. meel?"

Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please... And that's everything."

RoomService: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, creepse bayken, Anglish moppin, we botter on sigh and copy ... Rye ??"

Guest: "Whatever you say."

RoomService: "Tanjooberrymutts."

Guest: "You're welcome"


Remember I said "By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND
'TANJOOBERRYMUTTS'




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Saturday, October 1, 2016

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 1st October, 2016

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 1st October, 2016 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Monkeys
-------------------------

Once upon a time, a man appeared in a village and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each.

The villagers, knowing there were many monkeys, went to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 each and, as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort.

He then announced that he would buy monkeys at $20 each. This renewed the villagers efforts and they started catching monkeys again.

Soon, the supply diminished and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so scarce it was an effort to even find a monkey, let alone catch it!

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50 each! However, since he had to go to the big city on some business, his assistant would buy on his behalf.

The assistant told the villagers, "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that my boss has already collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when my boss returns, you can sell them to him for $50."

The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys for 700 billion dollars.

They never saw the man or his assistant again, only lots and lots of monkeys!


Now you have a better understanding of how the

WALL STREET BAILOUT PLAN WORKS!!!


It doesn't get much clearer than this........




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