Funny Jokes Corner: March 2010

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 31st March, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 31st March, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
The Burglar
-------------------------

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said,

'Jesus knows you're here.'

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.

When he heard nothing more , after a bit, he shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a be*l he heard

'Jesus is watching you.'

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.

Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.

'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he is watching you.'

The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'

'Moses,' replied the bird.

'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'

'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'

-------------------------
Advertisements
-------------------------
Amazon.com
Online shopping from the earth's biggest selection of books, magazines,
music, DVDs, videos, electronics, computers, software, apparel & accessories,
shoes, jewelry, housewares, furniture, sporting goods, beauty & personal care,
just about anything else.
Shop at Amazon!
http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=jokeswareh-20

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20100331

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Monday, March 29, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 29th March, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 29th March, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Getting Old
-------------------------

I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment
with a new dentist. I noticed his dds diploma on the wall,
which bore his full name. Suddenly, i remembered a tall,
handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had
been in my high school class some 30-odd years ago.
Could he be the same guy that i had a secret crush on,
way back then? Upon seeing him, however, I quickly
discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired
man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have
been my classmate. After he examined my teeth, I asked
him if he had attended northmont high school.

'Yes. Yes, I did. I'm a thunderbolt,' he gleamed with pride.

When did you graduate?' I asked.

He answered, 'in 1975. Why do you ask?'

You were in my class!', I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, bald,
wrinkled faced, fat-ass, gray-haired, decrepit son-of-a-bitch
asked, 'what did you teach?'

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20100329

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 28th March, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 28th March, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
The Eagle and the Rabbit
-------------------------

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20100328

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 27th March, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 27th March, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Turkey and the Bull
-------------------------

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'

'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:

Bull Sh*t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20100327

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Friday, March 26, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 26th March, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 26th March, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Phone Call
-------------------------

George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell.

While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for.

The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.

Putin calls Russia and talks for 5 minutes.

When he was finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.

Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes.

When she's finished the devil informs her that cost is 6 million dollars, so Queen Elizabeth writes him a check.

Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours.

When he's finished the devil informed him that there would be no charge and feel free to call the USA anytime.

Putin goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA free.

The devil replied, "Since Obama became president of the USA , the country has gone to hell, so it's a local call."

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20100326

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 25th March, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 25th March, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Little Johnny
-------------------------

During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asks the
students, one by one. by one.
"Peter, if you were on a date, having supper with a nice young
lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" she
asked.

"Just a minute, I have to go piss."

The teacher replied "That would be rude and impolite!"

"What about you Michael, how would you say it?"

"I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right
back."

The teacher responded, "That's better, but it's still not very nice
to say the word bathroom at the table." "And you Johnny, are you able to use your intelligence for once
and show us your good manners?"

"I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment, I have
to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get
to meet after supper."

The teacher fainted..

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20100325

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 23rd March, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 23rd March, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Hot and Cold Sex
-------------------------

After an examination, the doctor said to his elderly patient:
'You appear to be in good health.. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?'

'In fact, I do.' said the old man. "After my wife and I have sex, I'm usually cold and chilly; and then, after I have sex
with her the second time, I'm usually hot and sweaty."

When the doctor examined his elderly wife a short time later he said,
'Everything appears to be fine.. Are there any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?'

The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns. The doctor then said to her: 'Your husband mentioned an
unusual problem.. He claimed that he was usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the first time;
and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you have any idea about why?'

"Oh, that crazy old bastard'' she replied. 'That's because the first time is usually in January, and the second time is in August.

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20100323

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Monday, March 22, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 22nd March, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 22nd March, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Wife Asks Husband
-------------------------

Wife asks husband, "How many women have you slept with?"

Husband proudly replies, "Only you, Darling - With all the others, I was awake."

Hospital Visiting Hours are 10 am to 4 PM.

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20100322

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 21st March, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 21st March, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
A Cowboy Named Bud
-------------------------

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?"

Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany.

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are, and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living, or about cows for that matter. This is a herd of sheep.

Now give me back my dog.

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20100321

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 20th March, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 20th March, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Four Worms
-------------------------

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup..

The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol - Dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead
Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead
Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation -

What did you learn from this demonstration?

Old Maxine was sitting in the back smoking a cigarette along with a shot of Jack Daniels in her hand, quickly raised her other hand and said, 'As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!'

That pretty much ended the service.

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20100320

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Friday, March 19, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 19th March, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 19th March, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
The Farmer's New Telephone
-------------------------

There was a farmer out in the country,
a meek little guy who had a speech problem and couldn't
talk right. He got his first telephone, the kind
that hangs on the kitchen wall and has to be cranked
to get the operator.

Soon after it was installed, he tried his
first call. (crank, crank, ring, ring)
"Operator".

"Gimme fvree, fvree, one, fi, pease."

"Excuse me?"

"I wanna talk ta fvree, fvree, one, fi."

"I don't understand you, sir."

"FVREE, FVREE, ONE, FI!"

"Sir, if you want to make a call, you're going
to have to talk plainer than that."

"Oh, yust shtick it up yer ash!" (slammed
the phone down)

The next morning, there was a knock at the
farmer's door. Two very large repairmen from the
phone company were there, and they asked
him if he was the one who had used a profanity
with their operator.

"Yesh, I yam", he said.

The telephone man said "Sir, we don't stand
for our ladies being treated that way. You have
a choice. You can either call her right now and
apologize, or we're going to remove your
telephone."

Without saying a word, the little man walked
to the telephone. (crank, crank, ring, ring)

"Operator".

"Are yew th' lady I told ta
shtick 'dis telephone up her ash?"

Immediately huffy, the operator replied
"I CERTAINLY am!"

"Well, get ready. Dere bringin' it in."

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20100319

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 18th March, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 18th March, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Second Opinion
-------------------------

The doctor said, 'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration.

You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.'

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.

He saw a men's clothing store and thought, 'That's what I need... A new suit.'

He entered the shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like a new suit.'

The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, 'Let's see... size 44 long.'

Joe laughed, 'That's right, how did you know?'

'Been in the business 60 years!' the tailor said..

Joe tried on the suit it fit perfectly.

As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked,'How about a new shirt?'

Joe thought for a moment and then said, 'Sure.'

The salesman eyed Joe and said, 'Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.'

Joe was surprised, 'That's right, how did you know?'

'Been in the business 60 years.'

Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly.

Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, 'How about some new underwear?'

Joe thought for a moment and said, 'Sure.'

The salesman said, 'Let's see... size 36.

Joe laughed, 'Ah ha! I got you! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.'

The salesman shook his head, 'You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.'

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20100318

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 17th March, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 17th March, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Use More Soap
-------------------------

A woman was unhappy with the way her laundry was done at the local Chinese Laundry, so she wrote a note and put it in the bag with the

next collection of soiled clothes :

"USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!"

She got the clean laundry back, and was still dissatisfied with the results, so the following week she enclosed another note:

"USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!"

The Chinese laundryman became very annoyed, and when her clean laundry was delivered, it contained a note from HIM:

"I USE PLENTY SOAP ON PANTIES!!! USE MORE PAPER ON ASS!!"

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20100317

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 16th March, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 16th March, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Little Johnnie
-------------------------

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about
something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time
came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on
them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing
that he sometimes could be a bit crude.

But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the
class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the
blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what
Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him
just what that was.

"It's a period" reported Johnnie.

"Well I can see that" she said. "But what is so exciting about a period?"

"Damned if I know" said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she
missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next
door shot himself."

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20100316

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Monday, March 15, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 15th March, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 15th March, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Big People Words
-------------------------

A group of kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk. "You need to use 'Big People' words," she was always reminding them.

She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend?

"I went to visit my Nana."

"No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use 'Big People' words!"

She then asked Mitchell what he had done.

"I took a ride on a choo-choo."

She said "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use Big People' words."

She then asked little Alex what he had done.

"I read a book," he replied.

"That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?"

Alex thought real hard about it, then puffed out his chest with great pride, and said, "Winnie the SH*T."

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20100315

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 14th March, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 14th March, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Confucius Says:
-------------------------

Man who scratch ass
should not bite fingernails.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who eat many
prunes get good run for money.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Baseball is wrong:
man with four balls cannot walk.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

War does not
determine who is right, war determines who is
left.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Wife who put
husband in doghouse soon find him in
cathouse.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who fight with
wife all day get no piece at night.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It take many nails
to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who drive like
hell, bound to get there..

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who live in
glass house should change clothes in
basement.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who fish in
other man's well often catch crabs.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Crowded elevator
smell different to midget.

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20100314

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 13th March, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 13th March, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
At the Mall
-------------------------

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 92). We decided to grab a bite at the food court.

I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue.
My dad kept staring at him.

The teenager would look and find him staring every time.

When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter, old man? Never done anything wild in your life?"

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response, knowing he would have a good one, and in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response:

"Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20100313

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Friday, March 12, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 12th March, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 12th March, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Queen's Riddle
-------------------------

Barack Obama met with the Queen of England.

He asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an
efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?"

"Well," said the Queen, "the most important thing is to
surround yourself with intelligent people."

Obama frowned, and then asked, "But how do I know
the people around me are really intelligent?"

The Queen took a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy; you just
ask them to answer an intelligent riddle." The Queen
pushed a button on her intercom. "Please send Tony
Blair in here, would you?"

Tony Blair walked into the room and said, "Yes, my
Queen?"

The Queen smiled and said, "Answer me this please,
Tony, your mother and father have a child. It is not
your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"

Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answered,
"That would be me."

"Yes! Very good," said the Queen.

Obama went back home to ask Joe Biden, his vice
presidential choice the same question. "Joe, answer
this for me. Your mother and your father have a child.
It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"

"I'm not sure," said Biden. "Let me get back to you
on that one.." He went to his advisors and asked
every one, but none could give him an answer. Finally,
he ended up in the men's room and recognized Colin
Powell's shoes in the next stall.

Biden asked Powell, "Colin, can you answer this for
me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not
your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Colin Powell yelled back, "That's easy, it's me!"

Biden smiled, and said, "Thanks!" Then, he went back
to speak with Obama. "Say, I did some research and I
have the answer to that riddle. It is Colin Powell!"

Obama got up, stomped over to Biden, and angrily yelled
into his face, "No! You idiot! It's Tony Blair!"

And that is what's wrong with our government.

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20100312

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 11th March, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 11th March, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Pile Up
-------------------------

A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be ok, you'll walk again and everything, but.......your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great, but they don't come cheap. It's $1000 an inch."

The man perks up. "So," the doctor says, "you must decide how many inches you want. But, this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five-incher before and get a nine-incher now, she might be a bit put out. On the other hand, if you had a nine-incher before and you decide to only invest in a five-incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision."

The man agrees to talk it over with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"

"Yes I have," says the man.

"And has she helped you make a decision?"

"Yes" says the man.

"What is your decision?" asks the doctor.

"We're getting granite countertops."

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20100311

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 10th March, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 10th March, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Husband Down
-------------------------

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wall-Mart. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.

'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.

'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.

'Its my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price.'

On the PA system: 'Cleanup on aisle 25, we have a husband down.'

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20100310

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 9th March, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 9th March, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Ol' Blue
-------------------------

A young cowboy from Texas goes off to college. Halfway through the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money.

He calls home. "Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is
developing! They actually have a program here in College Station that will teach our dog, Ol' Blue how to talk!"

"That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do we get Ol' Blue in that program?" "Just send him down here with $1,000" the young cowboy says.
"I'll get him in the course."

So, his father sends the dog and $1,000. About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.
"So how's Ol' Blue doing son?" his father asks. "

Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!"

"Read!?" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue into that program?" "Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."

The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the
year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read... so he shoots
the dog.

When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited.
"Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!"

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, "So, is your daddy still messing' around with that young lady who lives in town?"

The father exclaimed,
"I hope you shot that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!"

"I sure did, Dad!"

"That's my boy!"

The kid went on to be a successful lawyer and then went into politics.

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20100309

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Monday, March 8, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 8th March, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 8th March, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Deeply Profound Thoughts by Men.
-------------------------

Two men are out just fishing quietly and drinking beer.

Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Bob says,
'I think I'm gonna divorce my wife.
She hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months.'

Charles continues slowly sipping his beer then thoughtfully says,
'You better think it over, Bob. Women like that are hard to find.'

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20100308

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 7th March, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 7th March, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Police Quotes
-------------------------

These 16 Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos around the
country. Thank goodness, in spite of the perils of the job, they still have
a sense of humor!

16. 'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went
through.'

15. 'Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch
after you wear them a while.'

14. 'If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a
worthless document.'

13. 'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.'

12. 'Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed
of the bullet that'll be chasing you.'

11. 'You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write
anything I want to on the ticket, huh?'

10. 'Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it
will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?'

9. 'Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again
or I'll give you another ticket.'

8. 'The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or
not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?'

7. 'Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to
ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs."

6. 'Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster
oven.'

5. 'In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.'

4. 'How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?'

3. 'No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed
to write as many tickets as we can.'

2. 'I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of
yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.'

AND THE WINNER IS.....

1. 'You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.
Sign here.' (In Calif.)

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20100307

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 6th March, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 6th March, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Teachers
-------------------------

These are actual comments made on student report cards by teachers in the
New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded but, some
of these are really funny!

1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started
to dig.

2. I would not allow this student to breed.

3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.

4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to
achieve them.

6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thingie to hold
it all together.

7. This child has been working with glue too much.

8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.

9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a
week.

11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out
1,000,000 others.

12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20100306

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 3rd March, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 3rd March, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
The Sensitive Man
-------------------------

A woman meets a man in a bar.

They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together.

They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment,
She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.

There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall!

It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them. And she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.

There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.

Although she found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears she was quite impressed by his
Sensitive side.

But she doesn't mention this to him.

They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after awhile, she finds herself thinking, 'Oh, my God! Maybe this guy could be the one!

Maybe he could be the future father of my children!'

She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips.

He responds warmly.

They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love.

She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, and more heat than she has ever known.

After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, while they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly,

'Well, how was it?'

The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says:

'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf!'

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20100303

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Monday, March 1, 2010

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - 1st March, 2010

JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 1st March, 2010 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

-------------------------
Stay of Execution
-------------------------

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay
of execution.

His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was
feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him
about, "What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been?
Dinner
is cold and I'm not reheating it."

And on and on and on. Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar
ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot
soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he
dragged himself up the stairs.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told
that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of
execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.

Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go
upstairs and give him the good news.

As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her
husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.

"They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said.

He whirled around and yelled, "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER
STOP?!"

Gem Depot
we import the finest natural gemstones direct from the producers
to give you the best quality for the lowest possible price.
http://www.gemdepot.com

-------------------------

Forward this joke to your friends! Or if you want to let them see this, give them this link: http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/cgi-bin/viewjoke.cgi?id=20100301

Jokes Warehouse Joke of the Day - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com

________________________________________________
To manage your account or to unsubscribe to our mailing list, go to http://www.jokeswarehouse.com/mailinglist.shtml

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Monday, March 29, 2010

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Friday, March 26, 2010

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Monday, March 22, 2010

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Friday, March 19, 2010

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Monday, March 15, 2010

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Friday, March 12, 2010

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Monday, March 8, 2010

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Monday, March 1, 2010

Blog Archive