JokesWareHouse.com Joke of the day - 31st May, 2016 - http://www.jokeswarehouse.com
Murphy's Technology Laws
You can never tell which way the train went by looking
at the track.
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong
conclusion with confidence.
Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn
fool discovers something which either abolishes the
system or expands it beyond recognition.
Technology is dominated by those who manage what they
do not understand.
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote
programs, then the first woodpecker that came along
would destroy civilization.
The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely
with the fundamental solvency of the firm.
The attention span of a computer is only as long as it
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and
less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe
and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint
on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.
All great discoveries are made by mistake.
Always draw your curves, then plot your reading.
Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
All's well that ends.
A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and
the hours are lost.
The first myth of management is that it exists.
A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final
New systems generate new problems.
To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a
We don't know one millionth of one percent about
Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable
A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20
men working 20 years make.
The faster a computer is, the faster it will reach a
Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting
in an honest day's work.
Some people manage by the book, even though they don't
know who wrote the book or even what book.
The primary function of the design engineer is to make
things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for
To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will
take the longest and cost the most.
After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said
Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is
obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three parts
which are still under development.
A complex system that works is invariably found to have
evolved from a simple system that works.
If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try
multiplying by the page number.
Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more
unreliable. Any system which depends on human
reliability is unreliable.
Give all orders verbally. Never write anything down that
might go into a "Pearl Harbor File."
Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of
pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other
variables the organism will do as it damn well pleases.
If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious.
The more cordial the buyer's secretary, the greater the odds
that the competition already has the order.
In designing any type of construction, no overall dimen-
sion can be totaled correctly after 4:30 p.m. on Friday. The
correct total will become self-evident at 8:15 a.m. on
Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it
All things are possible except skiing through a revolving
The only perfect science is hind-sight.
Work smarder and not harder and be careful of yor speling.
If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist.
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
When all else fails, read the instructions.
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong
the one that will cause the most damage will be the one
to go wrong.
Everything that goes up must come down.
Any instrument when dropped will roll into the least
Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated
Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool
will want to use it.
The degree of technical competence is inversely
proportional to the level of management.
Any attempt to print Murphy's laws will jam the printer.
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